Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My Original Question Was...

So I got super distracted on my last post and forgot my one of my original questions.

I don't get a whole lot of commentators trying to "save me" and ranting on about how abused I am. But it seems like some DD blogs tend to get a lot of those comments--woman screws up, woman gets spanked and hates every minute of it. Couple kisses and makes up, the next day they get along better than ever. Commentator comes along and rants about the abusive situation woman is in and how terrible her husband is.
Because he spanked her par their agreement. And she didn't like it.

I can come back here and say, "He whipped me, then threw me over the bed and fucked me raw. I didn't want to but he did it anyways. Now that it's over, I'm on cloud nine." And I have yet to see someone come tell me how abused and mistreated I am...Not that I'm looking to hear that, because truthfully it's a bit annoying when it does happen, but I do wonder why DD blogs seem to get so many of those kinds of comments...

See, told you I got super distracted last time lol.

And just in case anyone thought that I have a problem with DD blogs, despite my attestations to the contrary, here is a link to one I really enjoy, with a wonderful sense of humor: New Life in DD.

And with that line of questioning, I'm off with the sunrise to pay the bills and visit the terrible sadist also known as the dentist . Good times right?


  1. So what was the question? LOL
    Enjoy the day and don't let the dentist get you down.

  2. Me again. Forgot to add, I love Bas too

    1. sunnygirl,
      lol. I think the question was why I feel like I see more commenters crying abuse on DD blogs than D/s ones.

      It was a new dentist, and I was happily surprised. I may have finally found a decent one!

      And Bas does have a lovely sense of humor doesn't he.

  3. lil: Perhaps it is because a DD blog seems 'safer'? Being flogged and taken roughly could be considered to be extreme and scary and maybe its scary enough not to provoke a 'save my soul' reaction from the readers who would think that?

    I have a couple of DD blogs I'm awfully glad I found but I so understand your points, with your post yesterday. There does seem to be a divide of "This structure is right and sadist free" and "This one isn't" :o)

    1. Bleuame,
      that does make a lot of sense--that the people most likely to judge discipline as abuse see DD blogs as safer territory. And some of us are just beyond help lol.

  4. I get those comments sometimes. I'm not so sure why it is, but I'll give it a try. It seems like living an alternative lifestyle is mostly okay. It is mostly seen by society as fully consensual and people shug and say "to each their own." When it comes to Dd, I think it appears at times to those outside as less than fully consensual and partly for the reason you call out. So many women say they hate the spankings but agree to, want and even ask their SO's for Dd. Unless you are in such a relationship, it is really hard to explain to others the love/hate piece. It can easily be seen as abuse. The question is fair, I've seen plenty of Dd relationships that look a bit abusive to me. Add the concept of submission and it gets even more sticky. Add what some in CDD circles believe as a man's right to punish, the woman's consent notwithstanding and it gets downright mucky.

    And lol...maybe I don't have a clue what I'm talking about but I do have to deal with those comments from time to time.

    Have a good day Lil, despite the evil that lies in bill paying and dentists.

    1. Susie,
      I can see how the lines might be rather blurry from the outside. And it is terribly difficult to explain how one can want and hate something at the same time!

      I must admit, the concept of taking it as a God given right is one that still eludes me. So I just avoid it lol.

      And I might have actually found a dentist who isn't the root of all evil, yay!

  5. I have wondered the same thing about the anonymous commenters. I haven't wanted to say anything that might ruin my good fortune or call attention to myself, but since you said it - here is what I think.

    They don't comment on these blogs because we are sex positive. (Even when you don't like sex.) We are explaining why, when we can figure it out, we love this stuff. People are replying on the other blogs in response to what appears to be a classic cycle of abuse - tension; abuse; honeymoon cycle. Since consent is clearly in our writings (I have never RUN from a spanking), there is not much you can say other than, "That's sick." So, not as much fun.

    So, I just realized that I agree with Susie above and could have left it at that. And actually, I also just realized that I have kind of stopped reading some of the DD blogs because there are times that it does look abusive to me and it makes me feel uncomfortable because I want to help. I feel like my consent may be causing another woman harm in certain areas. So, I skip around some of it.

    Having said that, I read and enjoy a lot of them as well. I don't judge, but when I can't really tell what is happening, I have to back away or risk becoming an "anonymous" commenter.

    AND, I still have no idea what started all this, but thanks for letting me steal a piece of your blog with some of the thoughts I have had.

    1. yeah what Kitty said. wow. I was scrolling down these comments trying to phrase the thoughts in my head... but most of them you managed to cover here... and THEN some. so yeah, i'm gonna shut up now.

    2. Kitty,
      lol--I figure I have probably jinxed myself and someone should be due to come "save" me here soon now.

      You are always welcome to come by and take up as much space as you want here! I enjoy your comments--they are nice, they make an impressive amount of sense, and are always thoughtful.

      I really had no idea these couple of posts would garner so much attention. I guess I kind of thought they could slide under the rug lol.

  6. This was a very interesting post. I have readers from both the dd and bdsm realm and often wonder how my blog comes off to them since we practice both of these aspects in our dynamic. I enjoy a good amount of control, pain and humiliation (not necessarily in that order) and need that to feel fulfilled. Because of that when I do get punished it has to be pretty severe so that it moves out of the realm of being enjoyable for me. We both understand that but I think it's hard for some readers coming from a straight dd standpoint to understand it. I think it would be hard for me too if I was them but sometimes it is unsettling and I think maybe I don't do a great job explaing things.

    1. dancingbarez,
      I think that definitions of DD and D/s are very malleable and exchangeable. While I think the labels help us figure out what we are and what niche we want to fill, I do find it somewhat confusing when people feel the need to strongly distance themselves from one or the other.

      I think that no matter how hard we try to explain ourselves, there will always be someone who doesn't get it. Because what we write is interpreted by the reader for assimilation.
      I have written things I would swear were clear as day and had people take it in a completely different way than I meant it lol.

  7. Like susie and kitty said - I think it is easy to feel " oh the poor dear, why does she have to give in to that way of life in order to be loved by her husband...?". Whereas, with BDSM, well, we (the subs,who clearly keep explaining why we want and like it all) are just sick and twisted and there's no reason to comment. In both cases, it's a large does of not understanding, or really trying to understand.

    1. gg,
      It had occurred to me that maybe some of us are just seen as beyond saving lol.

  8. I think that the blogs that lean more towards bdsm, just seem like some kinky stuff that, while it's not for everyone, it's a sexual choice.
    Some of the dd blogs however, seem to walk that fine line of abuse. I going to be bluntly honest, the shelter in the storm blog scares me. I'm into bdsm, and yet the shelter in the storm blog scares me. How crazy is that? I don't comment because I wouldnt know what to say, and because why would a complete stranger choose to listen to me? But I did stop reading that blog, as I feel that the abuse line has been crossed several times.
    Am I nuts that I feel bdsm is ok but that stormys situation is not ok? I've always thought that I'm less judgemental sure to my sexual choices, but maybe I'm just as judgmental as others. Hmmm, lots to think about. Maybe one day I'll start my own blog, after all, this comment is as long as a blog post. Lol.

    1. penny, you should. I'm sure we would love to read you :)

    2. Penny,
      well you should have plenty of material!

      I guess I can see how viewing something as a sexual choice could impact someone's view on something as being abusive. I just don't see it as a sexual choice (for myself personally), more like a way of living.

  9. Im surprised lil, because i have had a fair few anonymous comments on my blog 'suggesting' that my welfare is not taken into consideration etc etc, it stings a little at the time but then i shrug it off, i know the truth and how people choose to interpret what i may write i have no control over.

    I must say i havent come accross any DD blogs where i have felt there is vindication but then maybe i dont interpret it that way..the only thing i know is no matter what anyone chooses to write we are only hearing their views, thoughts and opinions and a relationship involves 2 (or more) people.


    1. tori,
      I have noticed some of the comments on your blog. Maybe it's hard for people to understand masochism and descriptions of masochistic experiences and that's why they make those kinds of comments more often?

      It just seems like overall, there tend to be more of those kinds of comments on DD blogs than D/s ones.

      And it is very easy to forget how one sided the view is.

  10. More than once mouse has been slammed by anonymous comments and it quickly degrades into a feeding frenzy. One person has repeatedly accused mouse of mental illness and Daddy of abuse.

    It's sad and it gets old.

    But it's also something mouse won't miss.


    1. mouse,
      I can very much see how you wouldn't miss it in the least!

      Sometimes I wonder if those people just live in their mom's basement and don't know what to do with their time...

  11. I don't tend to read DD blogs because I don't really get them. I guess what they actually do is not that far apart from what we (me and my Master) do, but the attitude toward it doesn't resonate for me. We are doing it because it's fun. Sure sometimes it is serious, but mostly it is fun.

    1. ancilla,
      Maybe that's the only real difference? Approach and attitude...

  12. I still don't really get it. I posted my comment on your last post, just before I got here. And then I found your shout out. Thank you Lil.
    But that doesn't help me understand.
    I don't really think my blog is DD, it is more M/s.
    But, realy I don't care to much about the lable. I use them both.
    What connects us all, and what really interests me, is the powershift in a relationship. That fascinates me, the interaction between people. The actual externally visible things, I take as a nice bonus.
    When I look through your commenters, I read about very different forms of TTWD.
    Sunnygirl is a funspanker, no DD, no BDSM or whatever. When she tells about getting a spanking in every State they pass, I think, that's great. Everybody should do this.
    Penny speaks of her concern with Stormy. And I have had my moments of doubt too. So has Stormy herself. But I emailed a few times with Stormy and I can tell you, she is a very happy and balanced woman.
    Mouse is on the other side of the spectrum. I have been reading Mouse and Omega's blog for many years. I think mouse is a very wise woman and I like her so much that I knicknamed my own Lisa after her. No kidding, I really did that.
    I feel we all are part of an extended family, and I really cannot imagine some members of our family telling other members that they don't act in the correct way.

    1. Bas,
      In my defense, DD is in your blog title!

      I think that most of the people who leave argumentative comments are not people who practice DD, D/s or any of the shades in between. I think they are clueless on the outside looking in and generally don't want to expand their views at all.

      I love what you said about the power shift in relationships. And I think that really is the one thing we all have in common in this corner of blogland.

      The lines defining D/s, DD, whateverwecallit, are ones I think we make for ourselves and are ultimately, rather irrelevant. They are perhaps just expressions of how we see what we do.

  13. Like you lil there seems to be a singular shortage of those willing to rescue one small slave. In fact it seems quite the opposite... there are far too many happily tossing one under the bus. Maybe they read our blogs and realise that we are more of a handful than they are willing to take on. Looks suitably mournful at the prospect of not being rescued

    1. Mp,
      Lol. Maybe the secret is not to scream for help and wave the flag?

      *imagines attempting to rescue piece...It might be a bit like trying to keep a tiger in the laundry room...Does sound somewhat inadvisable lol.

      Way to go with the mournfulness! Almost had me convinced...For a second.

    2. I love Master's Piece. She sums it all up so nicely. :)

    3. Sighs the whole meek things needs work it would seem

    4. LOL The above was to lil. Somehow a Kitty got between us... strange how they do that :D

    5. Mp,
      Maybe just a little work...Then again, maybe it's like color preferences--if you keep saying it, one day it might be true!

      Master's piece the meek...And her favorite color is purple...It could work!


Play nice.