"I always try to take your advice into consideration baby--whether you think I do or not. Even when it doesn't look like it."
I love that.
In the beginning, when I had an excessive amount of preconceived notions, I thought D/s meant my opinions didn't count as much. In retrospect, that was downright silly--but it seemed horribly logical at the time.
My opinions still count plenty. He just decides what to do with them.
I actually feel like he listens to me much better now. Instead of decreasing consideration, D/s expanded the amount of consideration we give each other.
Sure, sometimes I decide that he's an inconsiderate ass just because he can be. But overall, when it comes to the things that really matter, he gives me lots of consideration. That doesn't mean he always goes in the direction I think he should, but he does listen.
I give him much more consideration than I used to. And it's funny looking back at how we were compared to how we are.
I do so much wondering and thinking, that sometimes I forget how long we have had this dynamic. There are fundamental changes that occurred gradually over time. Sometimes I even forget they happened.
It has been long enough that our exchange of power is woven so deeply into our relationship that it's just always there. Despite the cycles and crazy times where it seems nonexistent.
Looking at where we were and where we are now? The changes changes have been pretty big.
I might even get this whole submission thing down eventually!
What a positive development that he is listening more now. Sounds like you are both in a good place in the lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteFD
FD,
Deleteyes, I find we both listen better now. And it's nice to be in that good place to be sure.
Thanks for this encouraging post lil. We have been having some rocky times but we are slowly working through them. I think if we were not involved in this dynamic we would have walked away from each other by now so this makes a lot of sense.We are listening to each other more and while the changes seem eubtle rightn ow I hope to one day look back and see thinds the same way you are right now.
ReplyDeletedancingbarez,
DeleteSometimes I think that it is the most subtle changes that make the biggest difference...
This is true for me and Bjorn too. We listen more to each other when D/s is working. I don't know why, maybe because D/s is right for us and make us happy. Happy people are good at listening.
ReplyDeletesommar,
DeleteHappy people really are much better at listening--I think that probably has something to do with the fact that we aren't too busy saying things the other doesn't want to hear.
Wonderful and encouraging post:) we have always been good at communicating with each other but since we started TTWD it has gotten so much better... :) thanks for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteBelle:)
Belle,
Deleteglad you enjoyed the post.
I wander if the more consideration is tied up with the level of trust that D/s nurtures? not that im saying this level of trust does not exist i vanilla relationships but its different, more intense perhaps? there needs to be more free flowing of communication rather than periods of not speaking or arguing and letting things build up.
ReplyDeleteBecause i have not known anything other than D/s with the bossman i do find it very interesting hearing of the before and after D/s has made to relationships.
x
tori,
DeleteI think you are on to something there--letting things build up is not really an option, so it forces us to communicate better and offer each other more consideration than we might have previously.
I can so relate to the line "he always listens but what he does with it is up to him". Hubby and I have this conversation often and sometimes it's the other way around too.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that your opinions are recognized, considered and I am sure appreciated.
sunnygirl,
Deleteit is nice. And I think, quite necessary for a functioning relationship.
This is exactly how it should be. Glad you to have managed to get to this point.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Turiya
Turiya,
DeleteI'm glad about it too.
That sounds pretty good to me! I started this journey thinking I am giving up control, and having any opinions myself, but that really isn't the case.
ReplyDeleteJulia,
Deleteit really isn't the case! And I wonder how many new subs end up in crappy situations because of an erroneous belief to the contrary.
I fight that opinion with non-lifestyle friends who know we are D/s, DD. It is so hard for them to understand that I am listened to more now than every before. But Ward says some people are just not intended to understand. It is very much more of a partnership than I have ever experienced.
ReplyDeleteJune,
DeleteI think that, for the most part, people are only really capable of understanding the things they Want to understand. Outside of that, it's pretty easy to wear blinders and believe whatever they want. Regardless of the accuracy of those beliefs.
so good to hear.
ReplyDeleteSir J,
Deletethat there is hope for me yet? Jk.
I do think that sometimes we underestimate the power of really listening and being heard.
But it is good to be heard. And it is good to be able to listen.
I love this. So beautifully said. I'm more open to the human race since I came back to TT. We do. They do. Whoever's doing it.
ReplyDeleteSubmission is not diminuation. It's not a lessening. It's an opening, an embracing, by conscious, intelligent choice.
Great post!
Emen,
DeleteThank you.
I do think submission is more of an expansion than constriction.
I never embarked on this journey thinking that what I said or thought or had opinions about meant any less or made me a lesser person somehow. I know if push came to shove, in certain circumstances, that I would myself think/feel/do what I felt I had to do regardless of our dynamic.
ReplyDeleteI have been in a vanilla relationship before where all these things were discarded as nothing, never again.
Hmmm, probably TMI and a little off what you mean in your post lol, sorry.
Sounds to me as if you might, you 'will' :)
Dee x
Can I say no way TMI?
Delete"I have been in a vanilla relationship before where all these things were discarded as nothing, never again."
Dee,
Deleteokay okay, so some of us started a bit further behind in mindset lol.
But I do think that listening is important in any kind of relationship--no one wants to live their life completely unheard.
And I didn't think you really strayed from the point!
Is there really such a thing as TMI around here?