I was mad you see, and he made me not mad. I can't even remember what I was pissed off about, but I do remember being ordered to not be angry.
"Um, excuse me? I have a legitimate right to be illegitimately angry. You can't just order me not to feel a certain way--I have a right to my thoughts and feelings!"
Then he said bossy things to me and made me laugh. Suddenly, I was honestly not at all mad anymore, which sucked because I do think I have a legitimate right to feel however I feel, and I don't think that he should be able to order my feelings around like that.
Yea...I read that that
I just...He's done it a few times now, and I think that I'm entitled to my feelings, I mean, he has occasionally ordered them around, but his doing so didn't actually change them. Until lately.
I have this idea that if he wants to change my feelings, he doesn't think that they are valid. That's it, I want to know that he believes my feelings are valid. It's not even that I mind him ordering my feelings around, so much as I mind the thought that he might think they aren't important because they are
Being told what to do or not do, is a lot different than being told what to feel or not feel. My emotions can be...Overwhelming. At the right time, I might literally cry over spilled milk and consider doing so to be perfectly reasonable. Until I look back in retrospect, which is when it seems silly and stupid, but it really was how I felt in that moment. So perhaps those particular feelings aren't entirely valid, or in the least bit reasonable, but they are mine!
Maybe I'm just jealous because my feelings have never obeyed me. Much like my body, now that I think about it...
Still, I say that I have a legitimate right to feel illegitimately angry. According to him, he has a legitimate right to do as he pleases with me and my crazy emotions. Bastard.
I've deliberated about commenting here Lil, but just had to in the end.
ReplyDeleteI get the confusion about your feelings, understand the validity of them, feel your need to have them respected......yet does HE understand you more than you know, perhaps? The fact that he can diffuse your anger and make you laugh so readily? Do you wonder if you're actually THAT angry in the first place, or just reacting to something that you feel you SHOULD be angry about?
I'm only asking this because quite honestly I could have written your post! Or have you been inside my head recently by any chance?
Have a great Christmas girl!
Leah,
DeleteOh yes, he understands me better than I understand myself half of the time.
Yes, well, since I can't actually remember what I was mad about, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that it wasn't a terribly big deal to begin with lol.
I think that you would know if I had been inside your head--it would be an unusually cluttered mess!
I hope that you enjoy your Christmas as well, Leah.
I cried over a silly commercial yesterday! I have never done that, not even during pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI just decided, I'm going to blame D/s and all of its emotions that are forced on me.
It's not my fault! I did not put those feelings there. And I, most definitely, was not ignoring other feelings. Nope, I wasn't doing that at all.
*walks away with head held high*
Misty,
DeleteI do think that D/s enhances emotions--everything feels that much more intense...But seriously, sometimes I wanna kick myself for the excess to which my emotions run.
*Really hopes that Misty doesn't trip over that chair since she's not observing floor-lever obstacles*
I don't know there is something to be said about having your emotions controlled. Me, I am an emotional creature ... It can change at the drop of a hat, fierce, unvontrolable rage, to fits of laughter, burgeoning sadness, giddiness, tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of rage! I am always crying over something. To have somebody "talk you down?" ... Yeah, I could use some of that right about now. Of course though ... If I had that, I would probably find a reason to bitch about it. Ahhh that other side ... It IS always greener!!! :)
ReplyDelete(Hope this comment didn't offend you ... I actually am agreeing with you ... Just from the "other" side) (and feeling all yucky & depressed too - sorry)
geekie kitty,
DeleteI'm with you on the emotional creature thing. Him talking me down is, I'm sorry to say, nothing new. The attachment of an order to said talking though...
Didn't offend me at all. I hope that you're feeling better today.
I'm having a issue with emotions too. Right now I'm allowed them, but I wonder if it would be easier if He were to control them. Second that, forget that. It would mean I need to communicate more than I do now.
ReplyDeleteHope you are doing better. Oh, your name, the one in tiny print, mumbled under your breath. That is Sir's name. Ha!
His slut,
Deletewe talked about this, and he said that I'm allowed my emotions, I'm just not allowed to do whatever I wish with them.
Uh, name? what name? no names here! Ahem.
(((Hugs))))
ReplyDeleteHusband does this for me too, sometimes - coaxes me out of a snit or a down, and boy do I love him for it. I think because he's always careful to make it clear he validates my feelings and hears me, and that he's on MY side against the big bad world - if he dosn't, it doesn't work and I just become a seething mass of resentment!
mc kitten,
Deleteagreed, agreed, agreed. Now if only all motions around here passed with such ease...
I get this Lil, Rick sometimes does that to me too, cajoles me out of being mad ... and I want to stay mad dammit! We feel what we feel in the moment and need to have those feelings validated.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
Roz,
DeleteExactly!
This whole post had me grinning, but I absolutely loved that little "bastard" at the very end! Made me laugh until my cheeks hurt. :)
ReplyDeleteAngelina,
Deleteso much for trying to slide under the radar with that last little word, huh? Lol.
Glad to hear you had a good laugh.