Monday, December 16, 2013

More...

Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter how far I think I have come, no matter the amount of energy I put into pleasing him, it's never enough.

He always wants...
More.

And, if you think it's the kinky shit, you're wrong.
Morning sex
checking the mail
morning sex
more compliance on every level
morning sex
more vanilla oriented service
morning sex.

I did mention that the morning sex thing is really a big deal for me...? I know it's something normal people look forward to, but seriously--I just want to go pee without asking permission (and not in the cup), make coffee, not feel that desperate desire for release, drink the whole cup of coffee myself, and completely ignore those around me.

You know how impossible it is to ignore a Dom, right?

Sometimes it's not even because he wants, it's only because he wants me to do what he wants. So I do.
I feed the beast, and I feed it, and I feed it, but it's never sated. And often it's not kink, it's coffee and tea, errands, and tone that used to be acceptable but isn't anymore, responses which used to be tolerated that are now punishable...

I love that he is too much for me.
I hate that he is too much for me.
I hope that he is always too much for me.

The more he takes, the more I give. Until I am sure that I am empty, that there is nothing left and I hate him just a little for it. But not as much as I hate the thought that he might stop because I want him to.
He demands more and more and more, until I am so empty that I become full.
His need fills me up, his desires bind me.

I love that he is too much for me
I hate that he is too much for me
I hope that he is always too much for me
and that I will forever be striving to feed the needs of that beast
but always, always I pray that he will find me pleasing
and that he will feed on me because long ago, I asked him to let the beast free.

12 comments:

  1. Mine is exhausting too. Thankfully, he doesn't insist on morning sex. He always asks why I get up so early the morning after he sleeps over, and it's so I can do everything you listed. Pee, have coffee, and time to myself.

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  2. 'I love that he is too much for me
    I hate that he is too much for me
    I hope that he is always too much for me'

    ooo. I get this. it's not the same for us (obviously not, we're all different, bla bla bla) but he's forever changing things - boundaries, ideas, desires - I was musing on this thinking it's almost like he never likes the same thing twice. He'll go nuts for something one day - me putting my hair in bunches for example - and if I do it again the next week - not a flicker. It simultaneously drives me mad and I love it at the same time because.... He is never dull. Life with him is NEVER boring.

    and the morning sex? that would be ME who always wants it and him that... dosn't so much. Though if we didn't have oodles of kids we probably would have morning sex far more, to be fair.

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    Replies
    1. mc kitte,
      It's hard to keep up with them sometimes, isn't it?
      Well, I hear that boredom is a major reason for marriage failure, so at least you'll never have to worry about that!

      Lol @ oodles of kids. I'm going to be nervous about them moving out for the next ten years lol.

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  3. This is very beautiful.

    I'm not a fan of morning sex. Probably because I am not a morning person. My husband used to work nights and sometimes when he'd get off he'd come home and wake me up. That was not so much fun. Now that he's on a day schedule though, morning sex doesn't happen as often -- thank god.

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    Replies
    1. Aurora,
      Thank you.

      Morning is my favorite time of day...Morning sex...I'm adapting. Lol.

      Delete
  4. My Batman threatened to deny my morning coffee (he doesn't touch the stuff), once, .. so I made it a hard limit ... true story!

    I don't think He will ever give you more than you can handle (push limits of course) .. and you will love him for it and hate him for it too.

    Beautiful!

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    Replies
    1. geekie kittie,
      If only...

      thank you!

      Delete
  5. Loved this Lil ... beautiful! Not a great fan of morning sex either.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Roz!
      It really is a bit of an adjustment...

      Delete

Play nice.