Saturday, December 14, 2013

Time and Place

His grip tightened on my wrist as he drove slowly and inexorably into me,
"Time and place don't matter. You are always mine. No matter where we are, no matter what time it is, I own every square inch of your being in every way. Always."

On the surface, this is a simple concept. Perhaps its complexity is simple too. However, it is a vast and all-encompassing statement with repercussions far beyond the surface. To sum up something as complex as power exchange in one sentence, is not easy. Yet, he does it.
There is that natural ebb and flow, but there is no such thing as an off switch for us. One cannot take time off from being who they are.

It could be said that time is a concept I struggle with, no matter the context. It goes by so fast, you know? I ponder yesterday while I'm worrying about tomorrow and trying to get through today. It's really a terrible approach that is difficult to change.
When I focus on our D/s, on being his and pleasing him, that is when I am most often in the moment.

As a kid, I often thought about the joys of being an adult (ha--clearly, no one told me) and about how wonderful it would be when my time was my own. Now, I am at my best when I am focusing on the fact that everything in my life, even time itself, is really his.

Time...Having kids in the house 24/7 limits certain activities and the time that can be spent on them. Seems though, that we might actually be starting to get a weekend or two a month to ourselves on a fairly regular basis.
This thrills me to no end. In the way that one feels slightly sick to their stomach as they peer over the edge of a cliff...
The notion is obscenely beautiful, terrifying in it's complexity, comforting in it's simplicity and all consuming as only he can be...

Because I know that I committed to a creature of extremes, a man of an all or nothing nature, who's unbridled presence I find both terrifying and comforting.
Being alone with him is very much like being locked in a cage with an alpha wolf--the only choice is to submit. Obedience isn't optional, and complete submission is the path to salvation.
He is judge
and savior.
He will make me beg for deliverance
for him, from him, to him...
I will crawl on my knees, begging for redemption
and he will say,

"Shhh, just a little bit more. Time and place do not matter. You are always mine. No matter where we are, no matter what time it is, I own every square inch of your being in every way. Always."

And always, there is the unspoken truth...


  1. This is perfectly beautiful, lil.

    Erhm...sometimes maybe, it would be *nice* to have a working off switch :P

    1. Bleuame,
      Thank you!
      It would...But a dimmer switch will have to do!

  2. Love that little post it.

    Your posts always provoke such interesting thoughts.

  3. Beautiful lil!!!

    And though you always seem to "struggle" you are exactly where you belong.
    (I think always questioning things is a good thing ... it keeps you from ever becoming complacent)

    1. geekie kittie,
      Aww, thank you!

      Hmmm, yes, I think that complacency can be a danger to relationships...I'd like to avoid it if possible!

  4. This was beautiful even if I might hate you for getting weekend, or TWO!, to yourselves every month...

    1. Misty,
      Lol, thank you.

      Two weekends a month is probably pushing it...I figured why not go for broke though and dream big, right?
      Does it help at all if I say that it's been ten years since we had that kind of regular time together, even at once a month? Hell, once every two months is a new record....

  5. Such a simple concept, yet it involves such a complex array of emotions and execution. And ye the rewards for taking this journey can be more fulfilling and rewarding than anything else we have known.


    1. Hello DV, nice to see you here.

      It really is complex in its simplicity, isn't it? And you are so right--the rewards compare to nothing else I have ever experienced.

  6. Mmmm, yummy! This makes me want to repost something I wrote a while ago. Not as beautiful or profound as yours, but a similar idea and how he got it across to me.

    1. ksst,
      Glad to inspire a resurgence! It is interesting how they get things across sometimes, isn't it?

  7. Lovely.. submitting is simple in it's "absoluteness"... yet maybe the reasons why it is simple is kinda complex and deep. Or something like that. Congrats on having a bit more time just the two of you. Sometimes we get scared to finally get the very thing we have so wanted. Even the good things take some adjustment and getting used to. I keep praying for the time I get more time with Him, and yet I know when it comes it'll be both wonderful and stressful to get accustomed ;)

    1. K,
      Ooh, I love your first sentence, well said!

      I often find myself musing about that fear of getting what I want, in these kinds of circumstances anyways.
      Really though, it's a good thing...

  8. So beautiful Lil and very well put by Alpha. All so simple really isn't it? :) ... yeah right!


    1. Thank you Roz!
      Sometimes it seems ridiculously complex, and other times it seems so so simple...

  9. You have such an amazing way with words. This is so beautiful...thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    1. Subrina,
      Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

  10. I am learning this lifestyle in a vanilla relationship so I am so very limited unless I cheat which has crossed my mind (but I don't think I will) I have talked to her and she is so far from even having a conversation with me about this. But that is something else. I am curious as to how you define you in a relationship where you are owned? As a very naive and inexperienced Dom, I am curious to this state of mind and spiritual setting. I am hoping that someone will talk to me about all this because this is very strong in my and I have been opened to this through blogs on tumblr and people I have met there. Anyway, just curious and I hope you don't mind my asking.

    1. Thedarkmonk,
      I do not mind at all. As someone who often finds themselves full of questions, I appreciate an inquiring mind. Though, I am not sure that I understand your question, so if I go about this all wrong, please do come back and let me know--I'll give it another go.

      How do I define myself as a person in a relationship where I am owned?
      People are complex, we define ourselves by what we do, how we think, who we perceive ourselves to be.
      First and foremost, I define myself simply as me, and all that I am is his. I'm also among many other things, a mother, and an individual with needs that will be met within my relationship. No matter what I do as a person, or what decisions I make, I am always his, and I take his desires into consideration in the things that I do.
      To put it sum it up in a sentence, I am whatever he says I am, yet...I am Me, because that is what he needs, that is who he loves, that is who he wants to own. How he defines me has a huge impact on how I define myself.

      I feel like I'm doing a very poor job here...

      As to state of mind and spiritual setting, once again, I'm not sure that I really understand the question...
      I think that D/s is very much about state of mind--one of the requirements of being owned, is that I see myself as his property. Conversely, he views me as his, and is willing to take on the amount of responsibility inherent in that position. The balance (or imbalance) of power in our relationship is an undercurrent that is always there affecting how we think and the choices we make--the form that decisions and activities take is rooted in power exchange.

      Part of what I find attractive about D/s, is the level of intimacy it inspires and indeed, requires. That is something which has a profound affect on one's state of mind.

      In a spiritual setting...Well, I'm not really sure.
      I know that there is a strong religious component for some people, but I wouldn't necessarily equate religion with spirituality. I think that D/s and some of the experiences it offers give us an opportunity to explore ourselves and another human being on a very deep level. I suppose that in itself could be considered a spiritual thing.
      If we are talking about D/s impacting a person in a spiritual manner, I think that all depends on the situation and the people involved.
      I do think that it can be something that reaches the soul and perhaps creates a connection on a level so deep that we might define it as spiritual in nature.

      Once again, I am not at all sure that I understood what you were asking, so please do feel free to come back and continue the conversation.

    2. I hope I am not intruding here in this conversation. Lil, you did very well explaining it. I am again trolling Soumi's page and decided to read a bit. From MY perspective as a Dom...@Monk... it sounds that your partner does not want to participate in a D/s situation? Don't try to force it. Submission freely given is a jewel... I cherish it. If your partner is unwilling to consider a D/s lifestyle, talk to them about introducing it in the bed room only to start. If they are still not willing, talk to them about finding a D/s situation outside your relationship. D/s doesn't mean sex. But do not go behind your partners back to fulfill that desire.

      For me, owning another is a true reflection of their submission and their dedication. I can not own a person who does not want to be owned. For me, it is something very spiritual and takes introspection and meditation to ensure I am a quality Owner and Master. If I were overly cruel or abusive, she would not desire my ownership. Don't get me wrong, I am after all a sadist. There are times that the belt stings, the whip leaves its marks, and she is left shaking from endorphin dump. But these times don't define our relationship as Owner/owned. What defines us is our love for one another.

      Also, as a new dom, I would suggest you check out Fetlife. Read, read, read, read and when your sick of reading, read more. Make yourself into a person that someone would want to submit to.

      Best Wishes,

    3. Maitre,
      you are not intruding at all. Thank you for joining in and offering a Dominant perspective and excellent advice.

      Personally, I have not found the abundance of information on Fetlife to be of an overall helpful nature, but I am grateful for all the incredible that one can find through reading, and reading really is a great way to expand one's knowledge base.

      Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts.

  11. When I was a kid and thought life was so difficult, my mother always used to say, "Wait til you grow up and have to work for a living." I thought she was wrong. She was right.

    1. Tiklish,
      Oh yes, she was definitely right!

    2. I sometimes wish I could go back to being a child, as now I'd properly appreiciate the lack of responsibility etc, but truly - I wouldn't. I chafffed always to be free, and it was only by becoming an adult and leaving my childhood home for my own life that I became so, I wouldn't trade that for anything.

      I know that sounds funny, coming from someone in a D/s relationship dynamic, but giving up freedom as a free choice is wonderful - not being free just because you're not is very different.

    3. mc kitten,
      Oh, I don't think it sounds funny at all. I mean, I guess it might come off that way if I'd never tried it lol, but I do know what you mean.
      It is very, very different.


Play nice.