Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I Don't Care How You Do This Thing We Do

Disclaimer duly posted
 Really, I don't care how you do what you do. I could give a shit less. If I don't like it, I just walk away because it's none of my damn business. That's the beauty of the internet.

I don't think there's anything wrong with ttwd being a game, or something that you are really serious about on the weekends, or if you live on a chain, or if you sub one day and Dom the next. I don't care if you call yourself a submissive, a slave, a Dominant, a Master, the queen of Sheba, or a friggin teddy bear.

In short, I don't care how anyone else does power exchange. I don't think that I'm better or worse than anyone else, and I don't feel that it is important how anyone else views our power exchange. I could care less where you stand on this crazy road.

The only time you are likely to see my feathers ruffle about how anyone else does ttwd, is when I feel that someone is portraying themselves and their relationship as something they are not, or walking around acting like they have all the answers and are God's gift to us lowly struggling subs who are willing to admit that, dammit, this shit isn't always easy.

Okay, so my feathers will also ruffle if I feel that I have made a reasonable effort to have a polite discussion of thoughts, and someone gets their panties in a twist and has a go at me.What can I say, I'm only human.

Sounds about right
 But I digress...

Top, bottom, submissive, slave, Dominant, Master, fucking furby, whatever--you do what you do. If I don't like it, chances are no one will ever know because I will browse on by. It's not my life, and it has not a damn thing to do with me.

This blog is about how I live power exchange, not about how I think others should experience ttwd. I write from my perspective about my struggles, triumphs, failures, growth, internal musings, and how I'm pretty sure I broke my damn toe on a chair this morning.

Blogland is not a judgement free zone. Sure, we like to think that we are reasonably accepting and everyone has their own way of doing things, but lets be honest--this is a public forum, and you are going to make judgments about me, just as I am going to make judgements about those I read.
The difference comes in what we do with those judgements, and for the most part we keep them politely to ourselves if they are uncomplimentary. That does not mean that all blogs reside at the end of the rainbow covered comfortably in unicorn pelts.

Some people are going to come on as "More submissive than thou", others will take the approach that you're in too deep, and the relationship isn't healthy.
I try to ask myself though, "Does that person's opinion really matter?" And you know what, nine times out of ten, it doesn't.

What you see is an image from someone's mind, typed out into the public domain and frozen in time. Each "scene" you read is just that--a scene. Perhaps it was beautiful and breathtaking, or perhaps it was disturbing and uncomfortable. But we only know what we read, we only see what we are shown.
I was thinking about this after my last shower post--you got the hot and heavy main story, which was a wonderful experience for me.
Before that scene I was cranky and unwilling. After the scene and the sex and the endorphin crash, I curled up on the bed in the kind of agony that comes when your body isn't working how it should, and cried.
That's the whole picture, not just the image I wrote for you.

Yes, chances are that I will judge you in some form or fashion, but you will judge me too, and I like to think that those judgements will usually be kind.
We can only judge what we are shown though. And when it comes right down to it? I don't care how you do ttwd. I care that I am what he wants me to be.
What matters to me is how I live ttwd.
And that I'm fairly certain I did break my toe on that damn chair this morning. Yep, that matters.

52 comments:

  1. You mean you don't live like mouse??

    Ya, if mouse had a dime every time she spelled out this is what we do...NOT what you should or shouldn't do...

    Ouch about the toe..
    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mouse,
      I don't. Perhaps in some respects, but overall, probably not. One of us Must be doing it wrong!

      That's a lot of dimes to cash in...

      Delete
  2. not sure WHAT is going on, but I for one am thankful for ask that you share.

    I also agree that what we share is a snapshot. The before, even done of the during, and the after is not shared. We ask choose to share what we share for a personal reason. Those reasons should be respected, along with what we choose to share.

    I for one love having a glimpse into your's and others ttwd. It has allowed me to open my mind more to new possibilities and to realize a lot of my struggles are shared with other subs and actually quite normal for ttwd.

    ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His Slut,
      Merely a conglomeration of incidents and observations.

      I love the glimpses too! It can be rather addicting in fact lol. Sometimes it is hard to remember that we only know what we are given.

      Delete
  3. shit, I just read my comment on that post abd realize could have been taken wrong and I was judging. I often forget that without knowing me, that comment could be taken wrong. I would like to clarify "so dangerous for those inexperienced". I love the erotic stuff that is very edgy aka "dangerous". It's a complete turn on. I apologize if my post helped fuel this rant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His Slut,
      no worries, we're good!

      Delete
  4. One big huge YES to all you have written, although i have no idea what im saying yes to coz im a doormat and don't know what im doing let alone anyone else!

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori,
      LOL!
      Though, on the subject of being clueless, I think the key is being able to admit when one actually is clueless instead of pretending one isn't...

      Delete
    2. Right finally got on the pc (cant write a long comment on phone!)

      I think its reasonable to say that we all judge, not just within blogger but in all walks of life, but specifically within blogland one needs to exercise caution when being judgemental because as has been said in comments etc one is not seeing the whole picture..just snapshots.

      Unfortunately from time to time the 'perfect' submissive appears, everything in her life is rosy, she doesnt have struggles and cant see beyond her 'brand' of submission.

      So when the perfect submissive comes across blogs/posts that dont 'fit' with her brand or her ideas of how submitting should be then the easiest way to deal with this is to make judgements and generally ones of the negative kind.

      What pisses me off no end is the times i have had the 'ooh thats abusive behaviour' types of comments, and i know im not alone in getting these.....quite frankly i find it insulting that the person is making a judgement about me/the lifestyle i lead of which they have no understanding of.

      i think i should stop there!

      x

      Delete
    3. *understanding/knowledge of*

      Delete
    4. tori,
      Well said!
      I think you make a great point about how we make judgements throughout daily life, it's not just here. But it's hard isn't it, when one only gets to see part of the picture.

      Oh...The perfect sub...Meh. I think that the best advice and food for thought that I have ever gotten has all come from subs with a humble approach--the one's who know they aren't perfect, but really are wise...

      Delete
  5. The Better Subs...
    they lurk everywhere...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jz,
      Yep--they are like vultures hiding in the trees, just waiting for a person to falter so they can come and pick the bones clean!

      Delete
  6. You use two of my favorite internet memes...so fitting.

    We pick and choose what we want to share of our individual experiences. We share the good stuff, the bad, the success, the struggles, even the embarrassments as we choose to put ourselves out there to be judged. i'm just starting this journey and wouldn't dream to try to pretend to know everything. i highly value the thoughts and advice of those "better subs" though i haven't come across any condescending ones.

    Ouch about the toe, lil!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. scarelt,
      The second one would make a good header for any internet page.

      I respect people who have been at ttwd for while--mostly the ones who don't mind admitting that they don't know it all.

      As to the "Better sub" I think that our definitions differ slightly! In my mind, there are few internet creatures as pretentious and condescending as the "Better sub". They are the one's who are always happy to tell you your version of D/s isn't as good as theirs. The more subbish than thou type.
      For me, what you describe as the better sub in your sentence, I see as the sub with more experience, perhaps valuable and insightful experience but still, that sub doesn't think she's better than you just because she's been exploring longer.
      If I'm making any sense whatsoever...

      Delete
    2. P.S I apparently can't spell "Scarlet", my bad!

      Delete
  7. Hmmm...
    Awfully curious about the motivation for this post and hope no one was horribly unkind of thoughtless to you (and so sorry if you experienced any of that negativity). At any rate, everything you said above? Agreed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bleuame,
      Thank you!
      Nobody was horribly thoughtless and unkind...Accumulated observations and events just kind of merged into one big wtf lol.

      Delete
  8. So sorry about your toe. As for judging others, it's human nature, even when we try very hard not to. I for one know that am I am not perfect and I don't ever expect anyone else to be either. I always strive to remember when I am reading others blogs that I am only getting a small snapshot of the relationship. As a blogger myself I understand exactly how much I don't say in my writing so that makes it somewhat easier to remember that we all edit according to our own needs. While I very much enjoy hearing about how others do TTWD, I work very hard not to compare my life, my relationship and the way we do it to others. That just never works out well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Faerie,
      I'm happy so say that my statement of brokenness might have been a tad too dramatic--think it's just a sprain. Thank you.

      It really can be hard to work to avoid that whole comparison thing, can't it? It becomes one of those wicked vicious circles every time...

      Delete
  9. thank you for this post lil!

    and ouch about the toe :( sending healing thoughts xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mc kitten,
      thank you for the thanks, and you are quite welcome!

      Re the toe, I am now 80% sure that I'll live!

      Delete
  10. A blog is like an iceberg, what is published is the tip and what lies beneath, the unwritten, the unpublished, is invisible and huge.
    Hope you get to put your foot up and rest that toe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DelFonte,
      Ooh, I like that too! What an awesome way to put it.
      I used the toe as a valid excuse not to exercise. In retrospect, I could have just done Pilates...

      Delete
  11. Let it be know to one and all: lil is NOT a doormat, damn it!!!! And for God's sake quit telling her how you judge her lifestyle!!! For Hell's sake this woman is not to be messed with - any idiot can see that!

    Coming from someone who has broken 4 of her toes and dislocated one of them, I send my sympathy and want to let you know, it's going to hurt for a while.

    In all seriousness, hope your day gets better........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah,
      lmao, smartass!

      Oh...four? How on earth did you manage that. All at once?! And dislocation is just not something I'm okay with in any form!

      I'm pretty sure I'll live. Maybe.

      Delete
    2. lil - I broke them all separately in different years - but one never forgets the pain. How did I manage it? Well, I may not wear shoes as often as I should. Random things will just jump and and break my toe. It's them most amazing thing. Well, that's my story, anyway.

      The dislocating thing actually healed much faster then the broken one. It just hurt super bad while it was dislocated and while it was put back in place, but the the relief was so immense, it was almost orgasmic. Well, ok, maybe not that good!

      Well I for one am super glad you'll live! What a relief!

      Delete
  12. I think that you make a very good point and observation. Blogs are really interesting to read and some I don't care for and some I always enjoy reading and some are okay. I am beginning to read blogs that are out of my usual little comfort zone and I find that I identify with the new blogs I have started to follow. There are things that I am very curious about, some things I doubt I will ever try and things that I might try. I can't give what I do or my lifestyle any kind of name or acronym. I am just me. Sorry this is long but I am thinking out loud while I post my comment, I guess, bottom line, I don't care what other people think of me or think of themselves. One thing though, I really am having fun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blondie,
      no problem--I tend to think my way through comments too!
      I think it's great that you don't care what other people think of you or themselves. For me how much I care about what others think is based on how much respect I have for them and their opinions. That keeps it to a small group lol.

      "One thing though, I really am having fun" I love it!

      Delete
  13. I always seem to miss the drama that leads to posts like this. Sorry to hear about your toe :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tiklish,
      ah well, I'll walk again!

      Delete
  14. This made me think of a writing class I took, where we were taught that the reader is not a blank slate who comes to your writing and takes it word for word. They are a sum of their own experiences, emotions, and values that they use to relate to what you have written. So while what you write is up to you, how it will be read and interpreted never is. I kind of think that applies here too - that the emotions and experiences we share might not always translate or be understood the way we hope or the way it really happened.

    I do tend to care way way too much what people think (working on that), and the first time I ran into judgment in blogland, I wanted to run away. I even blogged about it and received a very helpful comment that I try to keep in mind whenever I write. It was from a 'lil' and said "I think that one benefits most from Blogging when one focuses on being themselves. It's a great tool for introspection, which loses much value when we allow readers to hold too much sway over what we write. " You also said other things that are in this post (and something about coffee). I really do love your posts and comments -- you have such a wise perspective on things.

    Hope your toe feels better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aurora,
      I absolutely love your first paragraph--it's absolutely awesome. That is so very very true.

      A lil?! Surely there's another one lurking around here somewhere....I don't know anyone who uses logic like that. But the coffee thing sounds vaguely familiar...

      Thank you!

      Delete
  15. Ouchie about the toe! Sorry someone offended you. I love your writing style. Yours is the first blog that i ever read. And I never came away, feeling that you were abused or that you all were doing it wrong. Because who am I to judge. I can only hope to continue to have the loving relationship that Alpha and you have.

    Hugs
    jodi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jodi,
      awwww you are too sweet. Thank you.
      Seriously, you just made my day and reminded me of why I like having a public blog.
      I am truly honored and humbled to have people like you take the time to visit my crazy little corner.

      Delete
  16. Agree with all of the above. Sorry your toe hurts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, sunnygirl. Feeling much better today. I'll walk again! lol.

      Delete
  17. I'll just add this: *applause*

    Great post, lil. Thank you for putting your cards on the table with a virtual smile on your face.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've seen the dragons having sex with cars, but I didn't know that fucking furbies was a fetish. Thank you lil, your blog is sooo informative.

    I'll try very hard to be serious for a moment. I agree with each and every comment so far. I think anyone with one iota of sense, who reads back from the beginning and not just the latest post-du-jour, will be able to see that while un-conventional in the vanilla world, your story is very much a love story, and your relationship is very healthy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lm,
      omg, rotf!
      I'm soo jealous, I've never seen a dragon having sex with a car! On the information front, I am happy to be of service! I strive to provide rare little gems like that...

      Thank you!!

      Delete
  19. This is a great post! Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with any negative comments and everyone has been nothing but supportive and helpful. I'm sure there will come a time when I will get those comments. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion...but if you don't like then move on down the road. No need to be nasty or bitchy or holier than thou. We all want the same things just take different paths to get there. There is only one persons opinion that matters......your SO.

    Just so you know....I LOVE reading your posts. Don't let the negative people get under your skin. Just keep doing what you do!

    Subrina <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Subrina,
      thank you.
      Overall, Blogland is a very supportive place.

      "Holier than thou" that's the sentence I was looking for!!

      Thanks again, I do appreciate your kind words!

      Delete
  20. Seems like everyone has said all there's is to say so I'm just going to say...

    Wish my blog was at the end of the rainbow covered comfortably in unicorn pelts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh me too, forgot to mention that - I adore rainbows and unicorns and sparkles, If I could have my blog covered in them I would!

      Delete
    2. Lol @ Misty and mc kitten.
      Do you think there's some group dedicated to saving the unicorns from bloodthirsty bloggers? There's an awful lot of interest in those pelts...

      Delete
  21. I came to blogland way back when (FormerD had me researching BDSM when I stumbled along on to here). This is an excellent place to learn from real life people living real life lives!
    I like to think that I never judge but you are right lil, we all do it at some point in time. The trick is to keep your opinions to yourself. I have offered my sage wisdom (all 11 months worth of experience) but I do hope that I offer it not in an all know-it-all fashion. Life, regardless of how we choose to live it, is meant to be lived on your own terms .. & there is no right way to do it (maybe a few wrong ones but that's not for me to say ;) ) I happen to love your honesty & your stuggle ...it's refreshing & relatable. So thank you. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. geekie kittie,
      your comment reminded me of something a sub told me when we were first starting out, she said that there was no one right way to do ttwd, but many wrong ways...

      Thank you!

      Delete
    2. I just think it is what it is ... what it is for you & yours doesn't not mean it is what it is for me. Maybe that's why they call it TTWD ... that thing is what makes it's unique for individuals (couples). No right .. no wrong ... it just is.

      Delete
  22. Geeze I had to see what the 47 comments on this post were about lol. Here's how I see it: when I feel like I'm drowning in this whole submission thing, I look to your blog and see a little life raft I can hang on to for a while. I hope that made a bit of sense, basically your awsome and I love your shit and you shouldn't care about other people cause their not awsome and I don't love their shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. From one sub to another,
      Yea, I had no idea this post would get so much attention.

      Thank you! You put a grin on my face and made me laugh. Totally awesome.

      Delete

Play nice.