Friday, February 24, 2012

Sex and Submission

While I do believe that it's the mental and day to day aspects that make ttwd what it is, I also associate sex with submission.

For me, sex equals submission. Without submission I don't enjoy sex.

I was thinking about this as I drifted off to sleep last night in a happy, submissive puddle of jello.

The thing is, when I'm a bit off, so is our sex life. Okay, okay, when I'm really struggling with submission, our sex life is nonexistent.
Yes, I can submit when I don't really feel it, but I can't seem to really enjoy pleasure or pain; I can't sink into them and let sensation take me away with him--I drift off alone with my own little version of dissociation. Which is very much against the rules. To say Alpha hates it would probably be an understatement.

There is always some form of Dominance and submission in our sex, but I wonder why I don't enjoy it when I feel un-submissive, why I can't simply stay there in the moment and just...Be.

D/s is most certainly not all about sex. But for me, sex is very much about D/s.


His body was pressed against mine, one hand wrapped around my throat, the other entwined in my hair. His voice speaking softly in my ear "silly little one, always fighting so hard against what you want and need the most."

And I wonder about that too--why must I struggle so against my deepest needs and desires?


  1. If you find the answer of why you struggle against your needs and desires please let me know lol. I do too much it holds me back, i have wandered if perhaps its an element of fear, that its 'wrong' to have these needs and desires....and so i resist them.

    Sex and submission must be around today i posted earlier about my take on it, i see sex as being an act of service in my submission (not that i mean it to sound like a chore..its not lol) but i hadnt thought about it in relation to when im not feeling particularly submissive.

    I think he would avoid sex at times i am struggling with my submission until he has gotten to the bottom of why im feeling that way.

    tori x

    1. painspleasure, if I figure that one out I will post it with flags while jumping up and down lol. Promise.
      I usually think about it more when I'm not feeling particularly submissive because it turns our sex life so upside down.

  2. It could be that sex and submission aren't as related as most think. Maybe submission is an overall feeling, which could explain why it's hard for you to enjoy sex when you don't feel very submissive?

    Just a thought...Dunno...

    For Omega and mouse, since we've been going through some troubles in our relationship, it does bleed over into our dynamic. Into all areas really....when we're just alone with the children it's different, we're pleasant, cordial...but only a shade of what we were...

    Maybe it's not so much the sex as it is the connection and shear intimacy that becomes stifled? Or as O would say constipated. Which again isn't really about sex or the act of sex it's the mindset behind it all..

    Again, totally dunno...Just rambling a little...hushing now...


    1. mouse, I like it when you drop in and ramble.
      I do think that, for the most part, sex and submission are associated with each other too often--because they are not one and the same. And in a 24/7 dynamic sex is just a tiny part.
      For myself though, I really didn't enjoy sex before we discovered ttwd. Sometimes yes, but for the most part? It was just painful and I would take a mental vacation. D/s changed that dramatically.
      While I associate sex with submission, I don't generally associate submission with sex...Does that make any sense at all?

      You make a very good point about stifled intimacy, and the mindset behind it all. I'll have to muse on that one some more.


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