Sunday, February 5, 2012

Submissive Mindfuck

I keep getting hits off the keyword search "how to mindfuck a submissive." While I also get hits from things like, "the difference between a Dominant and an asshole" (oh be still my beating heart), and "my life is a circus" (sorry about that btw), I thought I would narrow in on the whole mindfuck thing.

For one, I find it slightly disturbing that so many people Google the term--it's an activity that is, by nature, unique to the participants. A mindfuck for me might be an emotionally scarring event for someone else, and someone else's mindfuck might just break me.

Personally, I think of it in terms of two very different activities--mindfuck on an energetic level (my favorite, I must admit), and mindfuck as in fucking with someone's head. I know that I'm getting hits looking for the latter definition so that's what I'll ramble on about today.

For one thing, if you have to Google the term because you want to try it? You probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place. I mean, I'm all about educating yourself, but this is murky water with sharks in it people. So exercise some good personal judgement mkay? Yea I know--rude much? The answer lately is yes lol.

A mindfuck is a dangerous thing. It can be oh so incredible, or oh so incredibly capable of fucking someone up. Because you are, of course, fucking with someone's mind. As a submissive, I know that no one can get to me like my Dominant, that no one else has an opinion that matters as much, that no one but him can fuck with my head from the inside out.

The thing is though, he loves me. It matters to him that I come out the other side undamaged. He won't fuck with my head in any way that he thinks might cause me harm.
So for me, it's kind of like hanging off the edge with a rope and not knowing just how long the rope is--I'm securely tied off, but it might be a good long fall before the rope stops me. And who knows what may happen along the way?

And there's always the little fear of, what if the rope breaks? But even if it does, I know Alpha will be waiting at the bottom to catch me.

I do wonder what comes of the mindfucks that occur without caring...What happens on the other side of the event, how long do the effects last, and is the impact a good or bad thing?
I have plenty of physical scars and my fair share of mental/emotional ones, and I have to say--the physical ones are far easier to cope with.

Much like humiliation, which can be a mindfuck of it's own, what happens afterwards is even more important the event itself. Eventually, most of us will need help dealing with the mental side effects.

So if you are Googling (it should really be a word), how to mindfuck your sub, put some thought of your own into it. It's not a one-size fits all activity. And not everyone wants to or should go there at all.

Hmmm, I might be halfway back to making sense again! Maybe...


  1. I actually looked at some of the terms used to find me. I found one totally disturbing. I was shocked and sickened. Here is the search term. "little 12 years old girl (insert sexual act here)" Now what I do with my husband is between consenting adults. I would never condone such a thing.

  2. I think you may have cleared up the whole 'mindfuck' thing lil :) It could be worse......... the keyword search for mine today shows....... Where's my fucking coffee!! I dread to think of who has stumbled onto my blog and has been potentially 'mindfucked' by the content lol!

  3. This reminded me on a (very) former beau. He said, "show me what you want", so I did.
    The next night, he returned to that exact same spot/action. "N-n-no, do this instead..."

    Jerk actually pouted!
    "But you said...!"

    Sex is not only individual, it's moment to moment. It's a ride you take, not a rote performance.

    (Google this, dude!)

  4. Hey lil, I've always taken the term "mindfuck" to be completely negative. In other words, a mindfuck is a destructive action designed to mess someone up. In your post, you acknowledge that definition, but also seem to refer to a more positive mindfuck, something that Alpha uses as a tool in your relationship. If you have time, would you be so kind as to explain what a positive mindfuck is?

    Thanks, and sorry if I'm being clueless...

    1. Jake,
      looking back I don't know if I answered your question at all...
      So, for example, humiliation is a bit of a mindfuck for me (I believe there is actually a big difference between humiliation and degradation). In this instance the mindfuck is positive because he thinks more highly of me for the extent I am willing to go for him, and I feel incredibly submissive as well as more special because he loves me more after rather than less. It also pushes me a it beyond where I tend to think I am willing to go, so it expands the boundaries.
      An activity that can be seen as less than beneficial can have consequences that are beneficial.
      Oh hell, I may have to ruminate on this more lol. Do let me know if I even came close to being able to answer your question. As simple as it was I sure hope I at least ended up in the ballpark lol.

    2. I'm not exactly sure what a mindfuck is either, but the example you give is a good one. If he "mindfucks" you to do something humiliating, you can see it as a good thing if he loves you more after you've done this humiliating thing. At least you can trust him to not love you less.

      My situation with my man is very different, because I know he doesn't love me, and I don't know if he would think more of me or less of me if I did a humiliating thing.

      For example, he has recently expressed a desire to pee on me. It's not on my Won't Do list, so I guess I'm ok with it, but my concern is that he would think less of me afterward.

      He's not a total a-hole who would do this just to turn around afterward and say, Ha-ha, I don't want you anymore! I would consider that to be a real mindfuck in a bad way.

      BUT, it's possible he could turn out to think less of me afterwards, and he doesn't even realize it yet.

      My man is totally into cleanliness, so I really can't help but wonder if the idea turns him on, but the reality of it will turn him off afterward.

    3. tk1ish, you know, that was actually the example I was thinking of. And I was so afraid he would see me as less afterwards. I can understand how it would be a lot more tricky without the security of love attached.

  5. I think the most dangerous thing about it is once you cross the line you may never be able to come back out on the right side. Education is good but you have to look at the individual situation. I can only handle certain things because I know how much I am cared for.

  6. babygirl,
    Yea, I would find that deeply disturbing too.

    Dee, a bit much perhaps? Lol, maybe I should avoid certain subjects when I'm feeling exceptionally cynical.
    LMAO @ "where's my fucking coffee!!" Bet they needed it even more afterwards lol.

    Jz, lol. Pouting...So attractive. Aww, c'mon, you don't want a step by step repeat every time?!
    Thinking for yourself is underrated.

    Jake, no problem, I was erring on the side of cynicism instead of information lol.
    I think that a mindufck is positive or negative depending on the intent, outcome, and consequences of the action.
    For me, a positive mindfuck is something that, rather than being designed to mess me up, is designed to place me in a certain mindset.
    Instead of coming out with negative emotions, I feel more submissive, there was a kind of thrill that comes with having my head fucked with, yet also a comfort in the trust I give and what he does with it--the knowledge that he will/can fuck with me, but will not fuck me up.
    Not sure if I'm making a whole lot of sense here or just talking in circles...
    Though by far, the most positive mindfuck would be an energetic exchange. More of a literal sense of the word.
    Maybe I should just give myself a whole post to ramble on more about it lol.
    Anyways, hope I made some kind of sense answering your question...If not. I'll try after more coffee.

    dancingbarez, I agree--there are lines that can't be crossed back over. And it's best just not to go there at all sometimes.

  7. mind fuck in my use of the term is to try and moves the subs attention to a specific area , without saying where we are going if she does not want to go there tnen she will cange the direction ... but if she decides she wants to explor the new direction and finds a internal desire to pursue the direction i have given ,, then the sub has been mind fucked .. excuse the language ..

    1. Anon, It is a very unique and individual experience. Thanks fro sharing your view. I like it when these kinds of posts get a variety of comments like this--because it gives more thoughts to people who may come along and read in the future.


Play nice.