Thursday, March 7, 2013

D/s and Dirty Socks

 In the beginning D/s is a fantasy. And oh what a fantasy! It's all whips and chains, and our mental images of perfection--how he should Dominate, how we will submit, and how it will all come so easy and fall into place.

Then some of us start to integrate it into our daily lives.
And it's not all whips and chains. He screws up, we screw up, kids throw up--life happens.

We bring D/s out of the bedroom, adopt power exchange as a way of life, and suddenly it's not all whips and chains anymore--it's displaying a certain level of graciousness while picking up the dirty socks that he will always leave on the living room floor, it's making cookies at night when all you want to do is sleep, it's accepting decisions you disagree with, etc.
It is accepting that his word is the final one.

In short, it's the end of that glorious honeymoon phase.
No longer can we focus on how he should be doing things. Now it's about self improvement, and how he thinks we should be doing things.

While fantasy and reality can intertwine nicely, sharing space with someone every day of your life within terms dictated by them is not something that we can fit into a fantasy mold.

In my opinion, if a submissive is going to live D/s, she can't pick and choose. There is no, "I'll do whatever you want in these exact circumstances, but you had damn-well better start picking up those socks!"
You do it despite the circumstances. And then you pick up the dirty socks.
When you live it, those socks aren't an optional experience, sex isn't an optional experience, cookies at midnight isn't an optional activity, and "I'll do it when and if I feel like it" sure doesn't fly.

Dominant and submissive is who we are, but it is not all that we are. Sometimes each part of the whole plays nicely, and sometimes it doesn't.

It is in acknowledging the struggles that come with reality, that we find the sometimes elusive balance between fantasy and reality.

Because living D/s comes with its share of dirty socks.


  1. and half drunk cups of coffee on every elevated flat surface in the house ;)

    1. Fondles,
      lol. See, everyone has their own personal version of dirty socks.
      Though, around here the coffee issue is more about my half drunk coffee disappearing because he stole it (he says he can't steal what's already his, I feel the need to disagree).

  2. Oh gosh, lil, you have a way of getting to the heart of the matter. I LOVE this post :) It is exactly who we are, and the choice was exactly, own me. Yes, there are the share of dirty socks, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.


    1. June,
      thank you!
      I would be okay with a few less dirty socks some days, but I agree--wouldn't trade it for anything.

  3. This is true of every relationship, no matter the dynamic.

    What no whips, just chains. lol

    1. sunnygirl,
      Well yes, the dirty socks have been on my living room since long before D/s lol.

      It's just not the same without whips!

  4. I love this! And the new background is a wonderful fit here. I think of this power exchange sort of like life in general-ups and downs, good and bad. You probably know we have been married for freakin ever. The honeymoon was over a long time ago, but with the start of a M/s relationship it was like a second honeymoon- so many new things to try, new ways of relating, all sorts of things to wrap my head around. I feel like I'm still there in semi-honeymoon stage after almost 2 years as his submissive/slave.
    But like all things, good and bad, the feelings of the moment may not last. With any luck, what comes ahead will be just as good, only in different ways. Certainly, 20 years ago when we married, I did not imagine being this blissful 20 years on.

    1. ksst,
      our computer crashed and I lost all the backgrounds I had accumulated. Then most of the cool ones I found, are too big to upload--this was the only one that didn't look weird when I shrunk it down lol.

      I think that what comes ahead will be just as good!

      And re the dirty socks...Phbbt--yes, I'm feeling a sense of mild hatred and extreme jealousy. Lol.

  5. Oh, and you may be jealous now, but my Master has always picked up his own socks. And the kids do too now, after I started charging them a quarter for each sock they left on the floor.


Play nice.