Sunday, March 31, 2013

Privacy and a Moment of Grace

Privacy. I have none.
Well, sometimes I do when he decides I do, but I don't have expectations of privacy when it comes to Alpha. I guess you could say that my privacy is dependent on his mood.
He says that I would be sad if I had privacy, and maybe he's right--I like that he has enough interest to not allow it.

As he was leading me to the bathroom last night, I was complaining about this whole privacy thing. Well, in all fairness, I was complaining about the lack of it.
He scoffed, told me to prepare the enema bag, and get over it.

Oddly enough, I did very much get over it shortly thereafter.

Maybe it was when he put me on my knees in the tub and told me to insert the enema
or when I felt the warm stream of piss hitting my back
maybe it was when he washed my hair as I begged to go to the toilet
or when he repeatedly shoved his cock so far down my throat that I gagged
maybe it was when he pulled me into the shower and washed me down.

Suddenly nothing else mattered.
Because I was no longer submitting
I was nothing more and nothing less than

As I was putting away the enema bag, I felt a moment of grace. Not just abstract grace, but physical grace.
Everything that is me was wrapped up in that moment in time.

And I truly do believe that surrender is, and always will be, my greatest form of grace.

Because when nothing is hidden
and nothing is held on to
when notions about how and who we should be are left behind
and I simply let myself become whatever it is he wishes me to be
when I surrender all that I am to all that he is

in that moment
there is a beautiful grace unlike anything else.


  1. Oh YES lil that is the most beautiful moment of all. It makes everything worth it in a way that is often hard to comprehend.

    1. dancingbarez,
      it is hard to comprehend isn't it? I guess that's one of the things that makes it so hard to put into words...

  2. that was absolutely lovely to read! can anyone else make an enema sound so poetic?

    1. Fondles,
      thank you.
      LOL--it's not easy. the reality is pretty damn un-poetic for sure.

  3. Surrender....yep...

    Totally get it!


    1. mouse,
      surrender is its won kind of critter isn't it?

  4. I have none either. I have moments when I get carried away chatting with friends on Facebook or where ever, and say all kinds of stuff, and then he comes home and reads my chats. I'm sitting there thinking "oh shit, shit, shit, what did I say?" but he never gets mad, basically because I am so open with him that he knows everything I would have to say anyway.

    This was beautifully written, BTW. I have felt that moment of surrender, but have never written about it this powerfully.

    1. ksst,
      you know, I always assume that any interactions I have with other subs are quite possibly read by four sets of eyes lol.

      And thank you.

  5. enemas...shudder lol...dont like them at all

    but the overall sentiments of the post.....yes..just yes.


    1. tori,
      oh I don't mind them...Though I do prefer it to be a private event. Which is clearly a pipe dream on my part lol.

  6. Really beautiful lil.

    brought tears to my eyes and a pang in my heart missing my Master.


    1. faithful,
      Thank you. Sorry you are missing him.

  7. You have such a way with words.

  8. Surrender is always beautiful and you put it so well, as always.

    1. SubGirl,
      it does have a unique beauty to it, doesn't it?
      Thank you.


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