Privacy. I have none.
Well, sometimes I do when he decides I do, but I don't have expectations of privacy when it comes to Alpha. I guess you could say that my privacy is dependent on his mood.
He says that I would be sad if I had privacy, and maybe he's right--I like that he has enough interest to not allow it.
As he was leading me to the bathroom last night, I was complaining about this whole privacy thing. Well, in all fairness, I was complaining about the lack of it.
He scoffed, told me to prepare the enema bag, and get over it.
Oddly enough, I did very much get over it shortly thereafter.
Maybe it was when he put me on my knees in the tub and told me to insert the enema
or when I felt the warm stream of piss hitting my back
maybe it was when he washed my hair as I begged to go to the toilet
or when he repeatedly shoved his cock so far down my throat that I gagged
maybe it was when he pulled me into the shower and washed me down.
Suddenly nothing else mattered.
Because I was no longer submitting
I was nothing more and nothing less than
As I was putting away the enema bag, I felt a moment of grace. Not just abstract grace, but physical grace.
Everything that is me was wrapped up in that moment in time.
And I truly do believe that surrender is, and always will be, my greatest form of grace.
Because when nothing is hidden
and nothing is held on to
when notions about how and who we should be are left behind
and I simply let myself become whatever it is he wishes me to be
when I surrender all that I am to all that he is
in that moment
there is a beautiful grace unlike anything else.