Leveling Out the Playing Field

I doubt this is going to reflect kindly on me, but it is going to be written proof of my brilliant logic in action!

Alpha has decided to quit smoking. It's a decision that I wholeheartedly support with no small amount of trepidation (anyone who used to smoke, or has lived with someone who is quitting knows that withdrawals do wicked things to one's head--and in the midst of it, one is more than willing to spread the unhappiness around to anyone who lives in proximity).

He looked at me and said seriously, "I'm going to quit, and you are going to cut way, wayyyyy back."
I thought that was very reasonable.
Of course, he immediately followed that statement with, "Then I'm going to make you quit too."

If we worked in a demerits system, my response would have gotten me so far in the hole, I would have likely never made it back up to zero.
It might have gone over better had I been joking...
"But, you pointed out to me a long time ago that not only do women live an average of six years longer than men, I'm six years younger than you. I have been trying to level out the playing field ever since."

I now understand the statement, "Deafening silence". I do believe that if a bird had pooped within a mile, I would have heard it.

He got that look, you know--the one that makes you glad that there are children bickering in the living room and you're not sitting in a deserted alley at midnight.
"You had better cut that shit out right now, or I'll make you create a folder so that you can read and retype that sad post you found a while back. Every. Single. Day. Until you get the point."

I'm pretty sure that I turned a whole different shade of white girl.
The computer is being gluey, so I can't find and link to the post he was talking about, but I think that it was one of the saddest things I have ever read, and it made me cry. Written by a Dominant, it was a farewell to his slave who died of cancer. Thinking about it still makes me tear up.

I nearly burst into tears right then and there.

I have been trying to even out the playing field for a very long time. And love can be a race to the finish--no one wants to be the one living without that which they lived for.
But it's not supposed to be about that ultimate destination, so much as the journey itself.

By its very nature, love makes us strong, weak, selfish, selfless, brilliant, and incredibly stupid.
Love teaches us to take a leap, and to fear in ways that we never previously thought possible.
Love is extreme ecstasy, and the ultimate pain. All wrapped up in one disastrously beautiful package.
Love is scary because all life inevitably culminates in a journey that must be taken alone.

And apparently, those who love us in return do not appreciate any attempts to level the playing field in their favor. Who knew?