Evolution, Limits, and Butterflies

In the context of a committed relationship especially, all limits are those of the Dominant. It took me years to adapt to that perspective, but it has really simplified a lot of things for me.

I think it's natural to want to have, what we perceive as our limits, pushed. We want to expand, evolve, experience new and previously unreached heights, go further down the rabbit hole.
Because really,

And it's beautiful isn't it, that feeling of nerves when your stomach turns into butterflies, and all you know about what's coming next is that it isn't up to you.
Oh hell, it's not just beautiful, it's glorious and amazing--kind of like jumping off a cliff and not being crushed by the landing. Even if just for a moment, you can fly.

Sometimes we want them to push "Our" limits. And it doesn't happen. And sometimes I we pout. The thing is, they aren't our limits to push. So it's one of those things that's not actually up to us.

Our comfort zone however, why can't we push that? There's really no reason, unless our Dominant objects. Except that we like our comfort zone, so we want to stay there in our cozy little place, where everything is as we want it to be, where the pillows are soft, and the weather is temperate.

But do we really expand and grow there?I don't think so. It's kind of like living a completely sedentary life--you gotta get up and do something, or things will eventually begin to atrophy.

Where am I going with this? Dunno really, except that the strip club idea was, besides being something that  Alpha might really enjoy, a way of pushing my comfort zone, while showing him that I am striving and growing as a submissive. Or, in all honesty, not growing as much as I like to think. I do have a notoriously jealous constitution...

The thing is, I have been feeling...Different. Like something finally clicked. Yes, seven (?) years in. Slow learner here.
Still though, I have found that there is joy in being a good girl, not for reward, but for the knowledge of having pleased; that there is incomparable pleasure in surrender, because it is an ultimate goal of submission; that submission is defined by Dominance, and is not about what I think it should be, but about what he desires; and that to know that one has pleased can be its own reward.

Not really sure this post makes a whole lot of sense...I was seriously distracted by the vote chess game--the world against world chess champion Anand. I am suspicious whenever the world agrees with me. I rather think we are losing...