Sunday, July 14, 2013

Evolution, Limits, and Butterflies

In the context of a committed relationship especially, all limits are those of the Dominant. It took me years to adapt to that perspective, but it has really simplified a lot of things for me.

I think it's natural to want to have, what we perceive as our limits, pushed. We want to expand, evolve, experience new and previously unreached heights, go further down the rabbit hole.
Because really,

And it's beautiful isn't it, that feeling of nerves when your stomach turns into butterflies, and all you know about what's coming next is that it isn't up to you.
Oh hell, it's not just beautiful, it's glorious and amazing--kind of like jumping off a cliff and not being crushed by the landing. Even if just for a moment, you can fly.

Sometimes we want them to push "Our" limits. And it doesn't happen. And sometimes I we pout. The thing is, they aren't our limits to push. So it's one of those things that's not actually up to us.

Our comfort zone however, why can't we push that? There's really no reason, unless our Dominant objects. Except that we like our comfort zone, so we want to stay there in our cozy little place, where everything is as we want it to be, where the pillows are soft, and the weather is temperate.

But do we really expand and grow there?I don't think so. It's kind of like living a completely sedentary life--you gotta get up and do something, or things will eventually begin to atrophy.

Where am I going with this? Dunno really, except that the strip club idea was, besides being something that  Alpha might really enjoy, a way of pushing my comfort zone, while showing him that I am striving and growing as a submissive. Or, in all honesty, not growing as much as I like to think. I do have a notoriously jealous constitution...

The thing is, I have been feeling...Different. Like something finally clicked. Yes, seven (?) years in. Slow learner here.
Still though, I have found that there is joy in being a good girl, not for reward, but for the knowledge of having pleased; that there is incomparable pleasure in surrender, because it is an ultimate goal of submission; that submission is defined by Dominance, and is not about what I think it should be, but about what he desires; and that to know that one has pleased can be its own reward.

Not really sure this post makes a whole lot of sense...I was seriously distracted by the vote chess game--the world against world chess champion Anand. I am suspicious whenever the world agrees with me. I rather think we are losing...


  1. Oh, gawd!
    If one has to lose jealousy to be a good sub, I am completely screwed for eternity...
    You're a better man than I, Gunga Din...

    1. Jz,
      ohmygoodness! If one had to lose jealousy to be a good sub, I wouldn't even attempt to call myself one.

      I just think that jealousy is the one emotion that really sends me spiraling into psychotic bitch mode, and it doesn't take a whole lot to get me going (think child having a tantrum over not getting the first cookie), so if I can at least make some strides to be more reasonable about it, it will show some evolution on my part.

    2. I'd never felt jealousy until entering into D/s. I completely understand psychotic bitch mode. Thank you for the post.

    3. Anon,
      Nice to know I'm not the only one!

  2. I'm for pushing the envelope as long as I know I can "opt out", not good attitude for a submissive.

    1. sunnygirl,
      Well, there are certainly instances where it is much more fun to push the envelope if you know you can opt out...
      Oddly enough, the not being able to opt out is a huge attraction/ turn on for me.

  3. Hey Lil

    Great post, and yes it made sense LoL. This got me thinking. "submission is defined by dominance, it's not about what I think it should be, but about what he desires". So true.


    1. Roz,
      I often feel like I should apologize for encouraging excess thought lol.

      Thanks. Glad you liked the post.

  4. Ahh I want to post you a text picture that seems to talk directly to this post, but I don't know how in the comments section? I will try sending to you via contact ava x

    1. Ava Grace,
      Got it. Totally awesome! Thank you.

  5. Not only does it make sense, lil, it really spoke to me!

    I am very impatient to have that kind of D/s myself! And it makes realize I am jealous ... Of you & everybody else in a happy, long term D/s relational (in a good way though!)

    Besutiful post!!!



    1. Lost Kittie,
      Always nice hearing when I actually made sense!


Play nice.