Respect and disdain are not mutually exclusive.
Alpha's respect for me does not negate his ability to be degrading and disdainful. Though it does, no doubt, make him put extra consideration into his choices. A fact which I am quite grateful for--some things are necessary for a relationship's long term survival.
I think that the success of these seemingly contradictory approaches is largely dependent on him knowing which buttons to push, and when.
That's part of the beauty of the whole arrangement--he can humiliate and respect me, he can value my thoughts and completely ignore my opinions, he can be attentive or completely disdainful.
In the opposing duality that is D/s, all these feelings and actions can be accommodated, and exist side by side.
In all honesty, there are times when he is cold and distant, showing no consideration for my thoughts and feelings, and it turns me on to no end. Even when I hate it...There's something about that totally controlled and distant manner, that I find quite hot.
But I digress, as usual...
The thing is, no matter how "badly" he treats me, he still accepts and respects me. And I can accept anything he decides to do because I respect and trust him.
I think that the knowledge that one still has value after de-valuing experiences, is what makes it possible for those experiences to be positive.
I think that I have wandered from my original thought and probably shouldn't write late at night...
Just because there is mutual respect, does not mean that the range of possibility is restricted to the pure and sweet. In fact, I rather think that it makes the realm of possibility for exploring darker pleasures even greater.
My respect for him enables me to surrender in ways that I otherwise could not. His respect for me ensures that the things he chooses to do are not harmful to me or our relationship.
Yes, I think too much every night when I should be asleep.
My brain looks something like this:
|Just add a million more words, and some stuff to trip over...|