Thursday, July 25, 2013

Respect and Disdain

Been thinking too much again...

Respect and disdain are not mutually exclusive.

Alpha's respect for me does not negate his ability to be degrading and disdainful. Though it does, no doubt, make him put extra consideration into his choices. A fact which I am quite grateful for--some things are necessary for a relationship's long term survival.
I think that the success of these seemingly contradictory approaches is largely dependent on him knowing which buttons to push, and when.

That's part of the beauty of the whole arrangement--he can humiliate and respect me, he can value my thoughts and completely ignore my opinions, he can be attentive or completely disdainful. 
In the opposing duality that is D/s, all these feelings and actions can be accommodated, and exist side by side.

In all honesty, there are times when he is cold and distant, showing no consideration for my thoughts and feelings, and it turns me on to no end. Even when I hate it...There's something about that totally controlled and distant manner, that I find quite hot.
But I digress, as usual...

The thing is, no matter how "badly" he treats me, he still accepts and respects me. And I can accept anything he decides to do because I respect and trust him.
I think that the knowledge that one still has value after de-valuing experiences, is what makes it possible for those experiences to be positive.

I think that I have wandered from my original thought and probably shouldn't write late at night...

Just because there is mutual respect, does not mean that the range of possibility is restricted to the pure and sweet. In fact, I rather think that it makes the realm of possibility for exploring darker pleasures even greater.
My respect for him enables me to surrender in ways that I otherwise could not. His respect for me ensures that the things he chooses to do are not harmful to me or our relationship.

Yes, I think too much every night when I should be asleep.

My brain looks something like this:

Just add a million more words, and some stuff to trip over...


  1. Hi Lil,

    This is such a great post! Mutual respect and trust a vital. I agree too, having that mutual respect allows us to 'dig deeper' and explore more.


  2. Lovely lil! You made perfect sense, though to someone looking in from the outside, these things may seem mutually exclusive. To us, we know that they go hand in hand and allow our relationships to thrive and the people in them to feel loved and secure in who they are.


    1. P,
      thank you. I do find that I often have issues making sense lol, so it's always nice to hear when I pull it off!

  3. I really needed to hear that or see that lol. Tyler and I have been going through some stuff and we had a talk last night.. It really was a talk lol. You put somethings in to perspective for me. I am going through feeling some distance and stuff but you helped me see some things.. You just have a great way with words.. I hope you don't mind I tagged your blog in my last post..

    My brain looks like that every night when I go to sleep!! As you see I've emailed you like at 1 am lol

    hugs Daisy

    1. Daisy,
      Happy to know that my words have been helpful to you. And no, I don't mind the tag in the least. Thank you.

      The brain is a hazardous place!

  4. From One Submissive to AnotherJuly 25, 2013 at 9:37 AM

    Awsome post lil. I love when i read something here that im excited to ask him to read too. Your like a sherpa leads us up the D/s mountain, lmao im a bit of a dork. Anyways, that picture reminded me of something i saw online yesterday. It said if you want to know what a womens brain looks like imagine an internet explorer page with 2567 tabs open all the time. It should have also said that decides to hit you all at once as soon as your head hits the pillow! Lol

    1. Oh my this struck so close to my heart. My swami respects me deeply and loves me to death. He never disses or undercuts me in public. Then in private he will piss on me and call me a slut and I love it. Respect and disdain indeed :-)

    2. From one sub to another,
      Lol! I dunno if I'd wanna follow me up the mountain--chances are I'll take you out as I go tumbling back down to the bottom!

      lmao @ the internet explorer analogy. .It's quite perfect

    3. Desi Daasi,
      it is a very interesting and fulfilling way to traverse the spectrum of experience, isn't it?


Play nice.