Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, glowing uncomfortably.
We found seats towards the back, and he ordered us coffee and a margarita. Caffeine for him, alcohol for me. It's probably a good thing that a snail couldn't have gotten buzzed off that drink, 'cuz I may have later gone against his advice and asked one of the girls with fake boobs if she still had sensation in them...
Alpha is never satisfied with halfway. It's pretty much all out, or nothing at all (I don't know anyone else like that, nope).
So...Not only did I have to get a lap dance, I had to ask for it. But, I'm getting ahead of myself again.
One of my first realizations made me really happy. It's probably going to sound quite silly, but do you know how awesome it was to realize that I could still be a stripper??
Fine, laugh--it's okay.
There were a few with perfect bodies (I exaggerate not), but overall, they were surprisingly human.
Putting aside the logistics of hanging upside down by the ankles, I could totally fit in lol.
There was one, she had a quirky kind of pretty, and the words "Beautiful Mistake" tattooed on her leg. I asked her for my dance.
Why did no one tell me that strippers can do whatever they want to you??
It was a bit of a shock to find her starting at my neck and working her way down. And really, some warning that they can spread your legs and shove your dress up even further than it already is before breathing all over your twat, might have been nice! Okay, so maybe the warning wouldn't have helped. Still though...Did I mention that she smelled really nice and it took me two showers to stop smelling like a stripper?
Then we moved up by one of the stages, and stayed there for the rest of our time.
I'm gonna make a couple of observations here:
Jealousy factor is directly related to how I view other women. If I see them as equal or lesser to how I see myself, I'm not jealous. If I see them as perfection? I feel differently. Naturally he got a lap dance from one of the perfect ones...She was even his preferred height (which makes me look like an amazon). I thought it was very nice of him to later say that he didn't think she'd look as good as me after having 2 kids though lol. But I digress, as usual...
Men visiting strip clubs are not comfortable making eye contact with women who aren't stripping.
While I don't think that anyone can fault the girls who are planning tomorrow's grocery list while they dance, I do think that if you're going to do it, you might as well make as much as you can, and plotting your shopping in obvious boredom is probably not the best way to do so.
And did I already say how much I love being married to a man who can get totally turned on having a perfect naked woman rubbing all over him, then carry on a conversation about the potential scarring of a life of stripping and the human ramifications for the girls themselves?
So the first place was a blast. I admit it--I am not the prude I like to think I am, and I really did enjoy the environment where sexy was not only okay, but encouraged. And yes, the socially conscious part of me was rather happy to read all of the information on human trafficking that was plastered across the bathroom walls.
Around 1:30 AM (way past my bedtime), we ended up at strip club number 2. The first one was topless only (not that much is left to the imagination in a thong), and the second one was full nude.
I got thrown off my game before even making it in the door.
We were standing in line, with me slightly behind Alpha. He usually gets a fair amount of attention from big security guards because he's their size and they don't want any trouble from him. He was talking to the door guy when a sleazy little man sidled up to me and announced that I would be going in with him, and he'd get me in free. Now, if I had been a slightly different person, I might have taken him up on his offer and then just told him to fuck off when we got inside.
As is, I declined and glued myself to my husband.
The second club would not have been worth the door cover on a normal day. Really. The dancers were a bit too much on the younger side, I had a better body than most of them and probably equal dancing skills, lap dances were outrageous, and the floor was sticky.
But that night, they were featuring a woman who was not one of their a regular dancers.
Now, I don't find the whole pole thing a turn on, but I do find it impressive. Anyone who can do the splits along the side of a pole while hanging upside down ten feet in the air and holding on with their friggin elbows has major skills that I will never master. Turns out, it was worth the cover charge. And yes, I gave her extra points because I liked the duct tape across her mouth, the collar, and the cuffs--made me feel right at home.
She was good though. Really good. Think Circue Du Soleil meets naked woman with perfect body.
Seriously, how does one make the career move from Circue Du Soleil to stripper...?
All in all, a very interesting night.
Thing is, I like sexy.
I like being sexy.
And yes, I
Honestly, I just never could quite figure out how to tone down sexy, so I turned it off.
But I think that sexy will be making a comeback around here.
I also think that my wardrobe is woefully lacking in high heels.
And if there was a pole in my bedroom, I would damn well learn how to use it. Minus the splits and that upside down shit--you have to admit, a wife who can cook is much sexier than one with a broken neck.
Though I do think that I could pull off a pretty good lap dance...Practice makes perfect right?