"Why am I so in love with the thought of an abusive boyfriend or relationship? I'm not fond of the physical abuse; it's more of the emotional aspect if it. I don't understand why though."
In all honesty, I couldn't help but question the sincerity of this question; however, I am going to give it a sincere reply.
In short, I don't know.
There are many and vast differences between abuse and BDSM, so I am not sure
why you felt that this was an appropriate place to ask your question.
My best advice is that this is a question for a therapist, and I think that you should explore it with someone who is qualified to help you find the answer you are seeking.
That being said, my first thought is that you aren't personally familiar with abusive relationships. They aren't pretty--your shit is always smashed, you make frequent trips to the hospital, your mind gets warped in ways you never could have imagined, it impairs your functioning and your relationships, etc. In short, there's a long list of crappy stuff that comes with abusive relationships.
I am curious what it is that you find appealing about the emotional aspects of abusive relationships...?
Sometimes we like a little bit of fear with our loving
sometimes we can be little bit emotionally masochistic
some of us enjoy getting slapped around a bit
and many of us thrive in Dominant/submissive relationships.
Nobody thrives in abusive relationships. Not even the abusers.
I don't know why you are so attracted to the thought of an abusive relationship. Perhaps you need to love yourself more, perhaps you haven't really considered the repercussions of emotional abuse, perhaps you think you deserve it, or perhaps you don't really know what an abusive relationship really is.
Regardless of the reasons, I stand by my original thought--this is a question best explored with a good therapist.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you are able to find your answer without exploring relationships of an abusive nature--I assure you that the reality of true emotional abuse is not in the least little bit attractive.