Monday, August 26, 2013


I often think that we are pretty tame--in the lighter end of the spectrum of ttwd perhaps.
I sometimes complain about his expectations, and put on a front that he asks too much, but really? I think he's pretty easy going and not all that strict.

It's kind of like that beautiful long drive to town--I don't really like it. I see the road, and the tourists. I know every turn, and where the elk are most likely to be. I can close my eyes and drive it in my sleep because I have seen it a million times.
But if I step back and look at it with fresh eyes, pretending that it is a previously unseen view? It's stunning, and I can see why people stop to gawk, and come from far away places to see that which I have grown to take for granted.

Our relationship is a bit like that.
I walk around feeling like we are just a couple steps from vanilla, then I take a look at a "Normal" vanilla relationship, and wonder if we are even on the same planet.

There are very few decisions that I make on my own, and even when I do, it's when he has told me to (just call me Miss Independent).
My hair is how he likes it
my clothes are what he approves of
the food I cook is what he wants (never mind the rice. Damn the rice)
I maintain my body in a manner that pleases him
I think of that body in terms of it being his far more than I see it as mine
as easy going as he seems on the surface, he's actually quite strict--but that is our "normal"
I don't question the plugs, the golden showers, the enemas, the restraint, the slaps
I accept that his are the only limits I have
I accept that he decides if anyone else touches me, and he is free to explore with other women if he so chooses
the list could go on and on...
In fact, having spent my entire adult life with him (beginning several years before I technically hit that landmark), I don't know any other way to be besides his.

I think that it's easy to fall into the thought that D/s and M/s are the same as kinky fun.
Really, there's only so much kinky shit two people can do with kids in the home 24/7.
And that's where I fall into comfortably thinking that we live in the shallow end of possibility. The thing is...Ttwd is not always defined by actions alone. It can be a mindset and an approach to life with another human being.

If slavery means picking up the dirty laundry next to the basket, or being whipped to tears
if slavery means making decisions I don't want to, and accepting responsibility for things I don't want to be responsible for, all the while accepting his word as final in all things
if slavery means baring my soul and giving him access to every private thought
if I accept that my slavery is whatever he says it is
then I am well and truly further down the rabbit hole than I every thought to go.

I couldn't pick out the exact moment when the shift was made
I couldn't tell you when
or how
I stopped being his submissive
and became his slave.

But I do know that I accept ttwd to be whatever he says it is. And that itself is my slavery.


  1. As long as you are both happy and both getting your needs met, what difference does it make what it is called?

    1. sunnygirl,
      none really--it's just neat to take a step back and look at it through fresh eyes sometimes.

  2. I am so far from where you are that I think we may be on different planets, lol. I wonder if I would ever take that leap to your planet...

    1. I can't get this post out of my mind. :) I think it's because I don't want to loose my limits but all the same I do know it could go there and that scares me... a lot.

    2. Misty,
      The evolution of D/s is always an interesting experience.

      One of the things I'm working on, is accepting where I am when I am there--spending less time in "then", and more time in "now".
      Yep, been working on it my whole life, and have yet to gain even a modicum of proficiency lol.

  3. Hi Lil!
    I have to agree with Misty....I am so new to this I don't ever see what you have in my future. Not saying that I don't want it, but we are just beginning.

    Personally I love what you have with Alpha. I'm not sure I want exactly what you guys have, but that is the great thing about TTWD, D/s or M/ make it what you want and what works for you.

    I loved the analogy you used. That was beautiful!

    Subrina <3

    1. Subrina,
      Glad you enjoyed the analogy,

      I often think that being attached to too many ideas about how ttwd Should be, prevents us from truly experiencing and enjoying what it Is.
      When we realize that it's about what works for us as individuals and our relationships, we really become free to explore our potential and possibilities.

  4. I agree, sometimes it takes me looking at it from a different perspective to see just how amazing our relationship has been and is. Even with the bumps.

    1. Julia,
      something about being so caught up in the forest that one can't see the trees I guess. Happens to me in many areas of life!

  5. Sometimes lil..and dont laugh..i wish i could go back to when i truely believed i knew it all...i did as well...i have posts to prove it! lol

    and then...well...bloody hell its not what i fantasised about it being, its not like i read about etc..i thought being a slave meant it was going to be all kinky sex and s/m....and sure its there but its not really about the physical stuff is it?

    its the way it makes us think, how it changes us within

    but yes your last sentence sums it up for me....

    its about how they say it is...

    and i dont know about you, but my ideas of what it should be like didnt match his lol


    1. I went off topic didnt i.....what i was trying to say and failing at lol

      was, i think sometimes, its just happening around us, there is no 'big' revelation...because its constant, everywhere.


    2. tori,
      Oh I do not laugh--doesn't everyone miss that short-lived time when they knew everything about something?

      I think that it really is about how it changes us, and yes lol, my fantasies did differ somewhat. Checking the mail sure as hell was not on the hot list...

      I like your thought about it being constant and everywhere. It makes a lot of sense to me.

  6. I was going to write this uber mature thing about perspective but my brain is stuck on your casual mention of enemas like a rabbit in headlights.

    ememas?! *squeeks* *runs way*

    so now should be when I say how tame WE are, except I recently saw a guide to spanking which made genitalia a huge big THING that should never be done unless fully discussed and safeword agreed and made it sound like this major league THING and having my pussy spanked is one of my favourte things, and I was like 'what'?!

    And then I thought - what is vanilla? Exactly? And were we ever it? I'm not convinced... way back when before the internet exploded and I started researching, we would have tonnes of fun with him bending me over things and take me quickly and roughly and he'd bind my wrists together with one of his ties, and..

    So I'm not sure, exactly, what vanilla is?

    1. mamacrow,
      rotf about the "Uber mature thing"!

      Right, it has soo much to do with perspective, doesn't it?
      I mean, "vanilla" is such a highly interpretive concept, that I have no clue what the answer to your question is! Except that it's one of those things that varies greatly.

  7. Mamacrow...I agree. I think the definition of vanilla is just as slippery as the definition of D/s or "kink".

    And lil...I like your image of dwelling in the shallow end of possibility. I think for most of us - our way of life in D/s just "is". Even if we name it later, the temperaments were always there. And over time, we perfect it and make it our.

    Daddy and I have discussed the impossibility of ever find someone else to fill each other's shoes. We read each other's needs so well.

    A good relationship is just that. But, it is nice to step back from time to time to admire it for what it is.

    1. Brigit,
      D/s really is beautiful in the evolutionary forms that it takes over time.

      It is nice to step back from time to time. It's a good reminder of where we are and what we have.

  8. Great post Lil, Love your words about ttwd not being defined by actions alone, but can be a mindset and approach to life. So true.


    1. Roz,
      thank you!
      I think that things change a bit when one views it as being an approach to life as opposed to just a thing we do...

  9. It happens in such soft and subtle ways, lil. It wasn't long ago that the word slave made my nose crinkle and my heart hammer. Now I gladly call him my Master and that word is like honey on my tongue. When you find the one, it all falls into place so perfectly that you don't even notice.


    1. cd,
      I do think that the greatest stride are often the ones which are so subtle that we barely even notice them until we look back...


Play nice.