Sorry, but I think I might be over that. For the simple reason that the whole blog is about what I think, and if someone can't tell that these are just opinions, then they should really consider restricting their internet access for their own well-being.
That being said...
In the beginning of our forays into D/s, I had a terrible case of what is commonly termed "sub frenzy". Otherwise known as that god-awful state of needing everything yesterday in such a terrible way that we're lucky our Dominants don't throw us off a bridge.
In retrospect, all that "needy now now now" stuff was not only somewhat irrational, it was asking for the impossible.
Because the only way to get to certain places, is to travel to them. And that trip takes time. In fact, I like to think that the journey never ends--there are always new discoveries to be made and lessons to be learned.
One of the (many) things that takes time, is automatic responses.
Automatic responses aren't about having a thought or making a choice, they're about that moment when your will becomes his so completely that you don't even realize it.
The automatic response comes from all those previous thoughts, every little choice to submit, every second of obedience, and every moment of surrender, that leads up to the moment when his will is your own.
Much of the beauty of being alive lies in the fact that we all possess free will. Even in situations where we have absolutely no control whatsoever, we still have the free will to make little choices within those situations.
Submitting is about choosing to align our will with our Dominant's. Over, and over, and over, and over again. Until it becomes an automatic response, until we have done it so many times, that we cannot always tell where our will ends and theirs begins.
We often say that we can't leave, we can't cut our hair, we can't wear certain clothing, buy certain things, make certain decisions on our own, etc.
Technically, that isn't exactly correct. And if it is, that's not D/s--it's abuse.
More accurately, we have exercised our own free will, and have chosen to give him control. Then we repeated that choice a million times in millions of tiny ways, until we came to believe that those choices were no longer ours to make. Because we spent years aligning our will with theirs until obedience became an automatic response.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think that automatic responses are like a blanket that covers everything at once--there are still many things I balk at, fight against, think twice about, question, etc. And then there are times and events when there is no act of choosing, no concept of my own free will, and no thought whatsoever. Just automatic responses to his exertion of will.
|This moment always makes me weak in the knees...|
Yea...This whole spiel was inspired by a very non-D/s moment as I was squatting up on scaffolding--he was cutting a board extremely close to my feet and told me not to look. My eyes instantly closed. He laughed and said he loved me. In retrospect, I do wonder if he was joking about not looking...