Thursday, March 6, 2014

Q & A Round Four --D/s in A Life With Kids

I have a couple more questions here from Blonde. I also have a few for Alpha, but I'm going to put those all into a post of their own. It's my blog, I get to go first. Ha! Like how I did that, pretending that he actually cared and I was getting my way no matter what? Uh huh, just call me Little Miss Independent. Until he comes through and reads this.

From Blonde:
I would like to ask you how you manage D/s and two small kids in the house? Is it difficult? They know about D/s? And what do you think D/s improved outside your marriage and in your relationships with others?

Regarding the children, one is not so young anymore. I think that when they are little, it is easier to be stealthy because they are less observant. My eldest has come to realize that most of his friend's parents are either divorced, or clearly wish they were. To them, ours is just a relationship between parents who genuinely still like each other. Commands are phrased as requests, and I'm cheeky enough that most people looking in would assume that there's nothing submissive about me. It's a misconception that Alpha seems to find great amusement in propagating...
D/s, like any flavor of relationship, just has to be adapted to life with children. It can be frustrating at times, but we try really hard to get nights to ourselves once a month these days, and when it happens, that helps a lot.
I kind of feel like, when D/s is part of life, it's not quite as difficult to adapt to one's circumstances.

As to the question of whether or not the kids know about our D/s, the answer is no. We want well-rounded boys who never fall prey to the misconceptions that the man is in charge, and women do what they're told. We avoid setting that precedent in our house.
That said, I believe that children are often not given enough credit for what they know, and certain tilts of power structure in a home become fairly obvious. In most homes though, no matter what we say, or how we see people, there is some form of power imbalance. Regardless of how much overall equality presents itself.

I think that, outside of our marriage, D/s has improved me. He literally makes me be a better person, so I make more of an effort to control my temper and care how the outside world sees me because I reflect upon him. I try to be more thoughtful of my relationships of others, as well.
Though, I have to say that I don't feel it has had a beneficial impact on friendships--sometimes it's hard for people to accept someone who is willing to drop anything in a heartbeat, and accede to any request made by their husband. Lots of women are with men that they don't actually like. They aren't happy, and they expect their friends to feel the same. So I wouldn't call D/s a big friendship nurturer. I suppose it's a bit different with people of somewhat like mind, but my interactions in Blogland are the extent of such relationships.

Thanks for the questions, Blonde!

Having been so low on inspiration, I am loving the questions and there's a whole month to go. So...Don't give up on me now!

19 comments:

  1. oooo good, I can be greedy and ask more?! Cos I'm loving the answers so far!

    I'd love to know more about the peeing in the cup every morning thing -what's all that about, control, presumably? Do you just have to go off and do it and then show him, or do it in front of him, or does he hold it and you have to hope your aim isn't off, or what?!

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    Replies
    1. mc, you've asked the question I've always wanted to, thank you!

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    2. no worries, am happy to take one for the team :D

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    3. mc,
      hmph, one for the team--mean ladies, the lot of you!
      I think Misty asked this a couple of posts back, and I just replied in a comment because really, you all want to know about that?! Mean ladies.

      You shall be forced to live in suspense until the post. Muwahaha!

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    4. I think Misty just asked if you were still having to do it though, rather than for juicy details!

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  2. I agree with you that kids know much more than we give them credit for knowing.

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    1. sunnygirl,
      Oh yes, so much more.

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  3. I like what you have to say about balancing D/s with kiddos in the house. We're really trying to figure that one out. I can imagine that it's harder as they're older and know more what's going on. I'm nervous about them catching wind of punishments, KWIM?

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    Replies
    1. Tomsrose,
      having that one night a month really does help.

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  4. How was the idea of D/s brought into your relationship? Who's idea was it and what was the other person's initial reaction?

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    1. little girl,
      Ooh, that's here somewhere, but I'll give it a go.

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  5. *It's a misconception that Alpha seems to find great amusement in propagating... *


    My Master does the same thing sometimes. In infuriates me, but at the same time I understand his misdirection as a useful thing, and a source of amusement for him... and he thinks it is funny to see me quietly fuming.

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    1. ksst,
      it totally infuriates me too!

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  6. Also, now that I have read your answer to the D/s and kids question I want to redo mine, which didn't have nearly the depth. Truth is, I'm not exactly sure how it will all work out in the end, except that we are far more of an old fashioned household as far as who is ultimately in charge. Yeah, they know their dad is in charge, but they also know that mom won't put up with anything from them either, and dad will almost always weigh in on mom's side, especially when they try to expect service like dad gets. I want them to be able to function on their own when they grow up, not be waited on hand and foot and expect that.

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    Replies
    1. ksst,
      that's pretty much how it works around here too.

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  7. A question for you. In everyday life is there something about you/your partner that might indicate your lifestyle choice? I have petals wear an ankle bracelet and a thick link necklace 24/7 as a reminder to her.

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    Replies
    1. Petal's Master,
      thank you for the question--I'll have a response posted soon.

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  8. Loved this post. I was told by a former Master to explain to the kids that there are different kinds of relationships than just being married. I haven't approached it with them yet as my current relationships are LDR's. I will have to say something one day. The kids know my little side though and they embrace it. Kids can be amazingly accepting if we let them be.

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Play nice.