A while back tori put forth a topic which has kind of been floating around in the recesses of my mind, and I wanted to bring it out to play.
"Can one be a born/natural submissive? is there a difference? nature versus nurture?
I do think that one can be born/natural submissive.
I do believe that there is a difference.
This may be long...
I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge the controversy that seems to accompany this subject, because I'm not looking for a round of Blogland drama or trying to ruffle up anyone's feelings. These are my opinions, and I don't expect that everyone, or indeed perhaps anyone, will agree with them.
There seems to be some misconception among some of those who subscribe to the theory of the "natural" submissive--that they are somehow better, that ttwd comes easier, that they are "more submissive than thou". This attitude irritates me to no end, because frankly, I think it's a crock of shit.
In turn, there is often a criticism of those who identify as natural submissives--as if by identifying as such, they feel that they are better, that their submission is more valuable, and that they look down on those who are not. Having been on the receiving end of this attitude, I have to admit that it makes me pretty angry.
And just to be perfectly clear about how I feel...Anybody who can say, with a straight face, that they are better than someone else because they are a "natural submissive", deserves to be smacked upside the head. Conversely, it is often those who are products of circumstance who claim to be "natural submissives", and behave as if they are somehow better because of it.
So, there's that.
I kind of tend to take issue with the term "natural submissive" because it makes it sound like someone who never ever struggles. We all struggle at different times and in varying degrees. No matter how or why we do ttwd.
Maybe I'll stick with the terms born and circumstantial...
I think that there are big differences between the born submissive and the circumstantial submissive, yet that both will often share the same struggles. And really, I'm not sure that it isn't perfectly reasonable to say that one person could be a victim of both circumstance and birth.
I believe that those who were born this way, while not necessarily displaying submissive character traits throughout their lives, will always eventually reach a point where happiness is impossible without some form of D/s.
It's not something one can choose to walk away from because, while it is possible to deny one's true self, you can never really just make it not be. I think that if we're born this way, submission becomes a need that surpasses our ideals of desire. The need unexpressed will eventually consume the born submissive.
It's inside always reaching for its Dominant counterpart, always searching for a way out, always whispering its need. There under the surface always. No matter what we do, who we are, how we live, or who we live with--we can hold it back, but we can never truly kill it off. While we may always have a choice, we can't choose or not choose submission because it is at the core of who we are and always will be.
We will always know that it is impossible to live, to truly live, without D/s. Because without it, we merely exist.
That's not to say that the born submissive is good at submission, that she doesn't have to learn and grow, adapt to her Dominant, or ever struggle with what it truly means to be owned. Just because something is innate, does not mean that it comes easy.
In my opinion, along the way, the circumstantial submissive learns that she is drawn to the submissive experience. Yet, she can walk away from D/s. The circumstantial submissive submits, desires, craves, and walks along just like the born submissive. Yet...She can be okay without it. Submission is part of who she is, but her identity as a human being isn't inextricably entwined in it.
Perhaps she wants and craves submission so much that she comes to need it. Submission becomes a part of her and her life. But it doesn't have to be. While it can become a part of who she is, submission is...Optional.
I do believe that one can be born submissive, and that there are rather large variances between nature and nurture. Both are, and lead to, a life experience unique to the individual.