Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Round Three--Thought Processes and Going Mad With Power

Courtesy of greengirl,
Does Alpha share his thought processes or reasons behind all of ttwd - or any of it? Would you want him to - or is it more comfortable for you to accept and not know why he chooses as he does?

It is rare that he will share his thought processes when it comes to anything related to ttwd. It's not that I don't ask, I do...But he generally ignores my questioning. The exception comes when issues arise. Not the first time, and maybe not even the second time the same problem comes up. If I'm having a consistent problem with something and being mean isn't working nothing is working to get my head on board, he will sometimes explain his reasoning. Then, naturally, I feel lame for just not getting it in the first place, because it was usually either a really good thing hiding in awful, or it was just stupid of me to rail against it so much in the first place...

On the surface, yes--I desperately want to know why he chooses what he does. Soo badly...But really, when it comes right down to it, I think that's part of the allure of submission for me to not always know and understand the reasoning, to know that often it is just because he can, and sometimes it because of something else...It is not comfortable for me to accept and not know why he does what he does, but it is...Hmmm, I just don't think that our D/s would work any other way.
Transparency runs one direction in our relationship. And as upset as that occasionally makes me, as insecure and infuriated as it sometimes inspires me to be, I wouldn't change it if I could. Oddly enough, it is one of the power imbalances in our relationship which has become deeply integral to the functioning of our D/s.

And, from Kaya,
 Once your M discovered he had all this power, what was the one thing that he took and ran with that you didn't foresee happening (in other words, has he gone mad with power? Heh)
Is there anything in your life you would take back if you could?

Lol, yes--he has definitely gone mad with power. It is an issue of no small contention around here.

In all seriousness though, yes. I really didn't think that he would take to control the way he has.
I know, I was one of those starry-eyed idiots, and reality didn't feature much in all my carefully crafted perceptions of ttwd, but I would have never in a million years thought that control would be his kink (I think "kink" is a bit of an understatement here, but I'm lacking the motivation to find the word I want).
He took the control aspect and upped it to levels that I was completely unprepared for. I started off much more...Pain oriented? And not so interested in the giving up control aspect of ttwd. He changed that completely (I call it brainwashing, he seems unreasonably attached to the term "Training" whatever).

Is there anything in my life that I would take back if I could...I thought about this a lot, and many of the things which I view as events I wish had never happened, led to events which either changed me for the better, or  to circumstances which impacted my life in a positive way.
I think that the one thing...
It would be the fighting with my dad in the months before he died. Things just got...Really weird, and he could be such an asshole. I do regret spending so much of that time angry with him.
And lunch. He wanted to take me out to lunch for my birthday one year, just us. But he was sick, and we didn't go...Somehow, it just never happened. I would change that. I would have gone to lunch with my dad.

Overall, I think that there are worse things one could regret.

And on the Q & A note...I batted my eyelashes at my darling Master, people. I don't get to ask a whole lot of questions around here, so let me live vicariously through you...


  1. From my perspective as a Dom, I am not surprised he took control. I feel taking control is the essence of the D/s lifestyle. The control can manifest itself in many ways but I feel this lifestyle is all about his control.


    1. FD,
      Well yes, it is a majorly obvious part of the whole concept of D/s, isn't it. Lol.
      I guess I really just didn't think he would take it nearly as far as he has...

      It is very much about his control, I agree.

  2. lil - thank you for the answer. It's another thing i've been pondering - as much as i want to know the why's and wherefor's for absolutely everything - i'm discovering that in some cases less is a lot more.

    1. gg,
      thank you for the question!
      It's something that I struggle with sometimes--because I really really do want to know! But...I don't...

  3. Training is just a nice way of saying brainwashing :)

    1. Misty,
      lol. That's what I said! He's so unreasonable sometimes...

  4. oh love your musings on his motivations... I struggle without knowing exactly how and why all the time too :(

    I wish my husband had a bigger control kink... Oh well, I should be more careful what I wish for I suppose!

    1. mc kitten,
      Well, when left to my own devices, I could muse about such things for days on end...

      Oh yes, be very careful what you wish for! Though really, sometimes I wonder if it matters in the long run that their kinks are the ones we start out wanting--somehow they have a way of changing one's mind to agree with theirs...

    2. yes, I'd noticed that! He'll want to do something that I HATE so he backs off and then I find myself craving it and having to beg for it. How the hell does that work?!


Play nice.