Saturday, December 31, 2011


Ummm...For some reason I feel like I just have to post...Because it's my last chance this year and tomorrow just wouldn't be the same lol.

This year was hard...But so was last year lol.

And we're in a bit of a strange place right now. Not bad, just...Different perhaps. I have zero sex drive and have also been having some persistent problems with pain (why is pain inflicted by him such a different story?), so that hasn't helped much.
Alpha says I try too hard. Consistent theme lol.

Sil #1 is in some sort of trouble again (I have decided to call them thing1 and thing2 from now on). But what can I say? Not sure where we went wrong but can't live her life for her.

Alpha has improved his chess game considerably, which quite frankly, just sucks lol (poor loser. Ahem).

My father's birthday was in January. Is it strange to still celebrate someone's birthday when they're dead? We don't know any other way to deal with it I guess.

I have been feeling thoughtful yet...They are consistently unformed, refusing to take on a concrete shape that I can define and explain.

I have been desperately seeking approval. Perhaps because I feel my lack on interest in sex to be an acute, yet ironically somewhat chronic, failure on my part.
Once again, he tells me I try too hard. Sounds simple right?

We aren't going out this year, but I do have high hopes for a nice quiet evening once the kids are in bed. Oh yes, I'm a party animal lol.

All in all, this year was far better than last.

We shall see what the year ahead brings!


  1. Happy New Year to you and yours, lil.


  2. Happy New Year! May wonderful things come your way.

  3. Aaah unformed thoughts... so with you on that one, time to accept the past and move on. I wish all the best to you and yours and a wonderful new year for everyone.

  4. Happy New Year to you and Alpha, lil. May the new year bring only positive changes into your life and you and Alpha even closer.

    I had to laugh at thing1 and thing2 - those are some of my favorite Dr. Seuss characters - and they just wreak havoc on everything and everyone they touch! I hope you can laugh a lot too this coming year. That always helps. :-)

    love, squirrel

  5. Wishing you and Alpha the best in 2012

  6. All the best to you and Alpha in 2012! May you have a Happy New Year, kil

    Take care. Sky

  7. Personally one thinks that celebrating your father's birthday is a wonderful way of commemorating him :D
    May next year bring more peace and less confusion into your life... failing that keep the sense of humour :D

  8. Happy New Year. May this be the best year of our lives.

  9. tranquility, thank you. To you as well.

    SBF, back atcha!

    faerie, right. Accepting the past--got there, moving on? still working on it lol.
    Best to you and best of health to yours!

    Squirrel, thank you. I hope you hae a lovely year as well.
    And yea, thing1 and thing2 i as good of a description possible for them. Especially thing1 lol.

    trazuredpet, thank you. Same to you and yours.

    Sky, thank you. Happy New Year.

    Mp, thank you for the thoughts. It really is the only way we know and I think it works for us.
    Humor is my "go to" lol. I try.

    sunnygirl, sounds good to me!

  10. I hope this year brings you all that you wish for lil. Happy New Year to you and Alpha.

    Dee x

  11. I have noted that trying too hard is a common theme among many submissives.

  12. Ooh, somehow I missed you Dee. My bad! I hope you have a wonderful year and that it's getting off to a nice slow start lol.

    viemora, it does seem to be a common thing doesn't it? I'm sure there's a happy compromise somewhere there, I just haven't found it yet...


Play nice.