Oy, I just love coming to my blog and starting off with "well, I was being a bitch..."
Yea...It is what it is though right?
Sometimes this whole submission thing seems so easy and natural--there is a flow and order, everything as it should be, and things just feel...Right. Other times? Not so much.
I was ridiculously tired yesterday. And for a good part of it, I was also hungry. My not so secret secret that my entire family knows, is that I can be absolutely awful when I'm hungry. I get this irrational sense of irritation that just pours out whether I want it to or not.
Unfortunately, yesterday was also big day--Up at five to go to kiddo's first soccer game of the year, down to the city for food shopping, and over to a lovely little venue with the kids to see a band that Alpha and I really enjoy.
Of course, the band started three hours behind schedule. And while Alpha had made sure I ate earlier, he couldn't magically make me not tired. And I got cranky and regressed to modes of behavior that I'm pretty sure I haven't really exhibited in years.
You guessed it, modes of behavior that make him grit his teeth and growl. So we had a little spate because really, I wanted to go home and go to sleep and home was hours away.
Of course, while I can have moments of regression in behavior, things really have changed since those early days in our relationship. So when he got mad, I was instantly not mad. In fact quite the opposite. I was contrite and sorry. Really really sorry.
But that doesn't magically make it better. Geez, why not?
All in all, it was a nice evening, and I can't go back and make myself un-pissy (like my liberties with the written word? My English teacher would kill me if she read some of the grammatical errors that spew out of my brain here).
The thing is...We are getting along fine today. He's a bit cold, but plenty nice.
And I still feel contrite. Possibly even more so.
Wtf?
Could it be that your submission is a little deeper then you thought? Maybe just the fact that you know you upset him is punishment enough for you?
ReplyDeletefaerie, hmmm...Now you have me thinking...
DeleteI know exactly what you mean about being cranky when hungry - blame it on the blood sugar .. and I also know about behaving badly - blame it on the "inner child". We're all allowed to let her surface now and then. Don't be too hard on yourself. Alice x
ReplyDeleteAlice, lol--my inner child needs a beating.
DeleteI do think that I am a bit hard on myself sometimes. But I also think that not doing so can lead to not taking responsibility for my own actions and attempting to make excuses for them.
We can't be perfect all the time. How boring would that be. A little cranky or cheeky once in a while is the norm for all of us. Give yourself a break.
ReplyDeletesunnygirl, cheeky is a character addiction that I'll never lose lol. And yes, everyone has their bad days. This just turned out to be on one of those rare days where we actually got to go do something fun, so it really was the worst possible timing.
DeleteYes, crankiness...that's something mouse can really relate to...tired hungry...yep...
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done all that...
It sucks but we really learn from it.
Hugs,
mouse
mouse, ah yes, the learning curve. I do believe it intersect character building somewhere in there. Why are those so rarely the pleasant experiences?
DeleteYea im not at my best(translate that as im a complete bitch)first thing in the mornings, i need at least 2 mugs of coffee before im fully functioning...and i cant have happy jolly people around me first thing..it irritates the life out of me...and guess what?..
ReplyDeleteyes he is one of those happy jolly morning people..we have learnt to just accommadate each other at these times, he doesnt expect 'heavy' conversation..any conversation come to that! first thing and in return i dont bite his head off lol
tori xx
tori, lol. Yes, even my children know not to speak to mom before she has that first cup of coffee in her hand, and perky people are perfectly killable (don't care if that's not a word) in the AM.
DeleteUnfortunately, my pissy spate came to a head about 20 hours after morning coffee.
I am oh-so-familiar with that "difficult when hungry" phenomena you describe. Joy seems to follow that exact same pattern. Happily that's a problem that's easy to fix!
ReplyDeleteJake, it's freakishly similar to hormones, though as you said, a fairly easy fix--as long as it's not too late for everyone else lol.
DeleteEveryone gets cranky once in a while i guess. i wanted to tell you that getting irritable when your hungry may mean your blood sugar is low. i have hypoglycemia and have to watch what i eat and how much. If my blood sugar drops too low i can get real cranky and sometimes don't even realize that's the cause until i eat and everything levels back out.
ReplyDeleteamique, you are quite possibly right. I have always been this way and rarely eat like I probably should.
Delete