Oy, I just love coming to my blog and starting off with "well, I was being a bitch..."
Yea...It is what it is though right?
Sometimes this whole submission thing seems so easy and natural--there is a flow and order, everything as it should be, and things just feel...Right. Other times? Not so much.
I was ridiculously tired yesterday. And for a good part of it, I was also hungry. My not so secret secret that my entire family knows, is that I can be absolutely awful when I'm hungry. I get this irrational sense of irritation that just pours out whether I want it to or not.
Unfortunately, yesterday was also big day--Up at five to go to kiddo's first soccer game of the year, down to the city for food shopping, and over to a lovely little venue with the kids to see a band that Alpha and I really enjoy.
Of course, the band started three hours behind schedule. And while Alpha had made sure I ate earlier, he couldn't magically make me not tired. And I got cranky and regressed to modes of behavior that I'm pretty sure I haven't really exhibited in years.
You guessed it, modes of behavior that make him grit his teeth and growl. So we had a little spate because really, I wanted to go home and go to sleep and home was hours away.
Of course, while I can have moments of regression in behavior, things really have changed since those early days in our relationship. So when he got mad, I was instantly not mad. In fact quite the opposite. I was contrite and sorry. Really really sorry.
But that doesn't magically make it better. Geez, why not?
All in all, it was a nice evening, and I can't go back and make myself un-pissy (like my liberties with the written word? My English teacher would kill me if she read some of the grammatical errors that spew out of my brain here).
The thing is...We are getting along fine today. He's a bit cold, but plenty nice.
And I still feel contrite. Possibly even more so.