I wrote yesterday's post before we discussed the previous post. Life with children at home all the time can be complicated--you kind of snatch your moments when they come.
Plopping down in the chair in front of me, he pointed out that he doesn't always have the answers and he makes mistakes too. He gave me that steady look (you know, the one where you kind of want to look away but doing so is silently strictly forbidden), and said, "I have a lot of stuff to deal with right now. And you aren't the only one who thinks and doubts and wonders you know." Well damn...Then he shrugged gave me an apologetic look, and continued, "I'm only human baby."
Oh double damn. But fair enough.
Then there's me admitting that I can see how it's difficult to take me seriously when I discuss everything that's important as a joke.
And saying that, more than anything, I think I just want to know that he cares if I do what he says or not.
And him pointing out that he doesn't want to micromanage me, and that I wouldn't enjoy it either.
He stood up, leaned over to kiss the top of my head, and whispered gently, "to me Dominance is making you bend to my will. And I think that sometimes you get too caught up in what you get out of it."
Hmmm, well...Let me just inspect the kitchen floor for a second...Alright, I'll give you that one. "But I am right about some things. That doesn't mean that I think you are wrong--just that I'm right too."
He smiled, "I'll agree to that baby."
It can be tricky to learn how to hear what they're saying when they're speaking their own language -- just as our requests can sound completely opaque to them. ("What does she mean by that...?")
ReplyDeleteAnd even when you do kind of figure it out, you tend to slip back into your own mindset without noticing. (Constant Vigilance!!!)
That's been one of my biggest challenges with BG - but when we manage it, it brings great rewards.
I'm glad to see you're moving on to the rewarding portion of the program. ;-)
Jz, I'm absolutely terrible with languages. And i think the rewarding portion of this program might be skipping...
DeleteIt sounds like you both learned some things in all this. That's never a bad thing :)
ReplyDeleteIdeally in life you never stop learning and growing. The challenge is more about keeping the growing pains to a minimum. That's easier to do when that's all you have to focus on, but who's life is like that? Not mine, my kids are not young anymore, but I remember what those days were like, most of it is a giant blur of exhaustion, lol.
faerie,
DeleteI'm really not a fan of growing pains!
And yea, wouldn't it be great if life were like that?
Glad to hear or rather read that you're both moving forward and that things were smoothed out...
ReplyDeletetotally get what you're saying tho...the steady look...the bending...ya...
Hugs,
mouse
mouse, thank you.
Deletelil,
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented here lately - i've been pretty pulled into my own shell lately - ironically - because i'm going through - or maybe - doing a lot of the same things you are right now. We have had the issues of no time to really talk or be with each other because family is just too much with us right now. And i've been unable to shift focus away from what i seem to want or feel i need out of all this - and he feels that i'm watching for him to make mistakes, like he can't do anything right... And i feel like he has backed way off and doesn't really care what i do or how i do it, and he says he has no interest in assigning busywork, or micromanaging, etc...
Big difference is that instead of humor - i shut down, or cry - both of which he hates. I guess the point is - he can't really listen to me until i actually communicate something - rationally and for real.
For now - the other thing that is helping is something someone suggested to me - to remind myself to submit to him - not to anything more abstract - just to him.
gg,
Deletewell, it's always nice to be in good company. Even if it's on a less than pleasant ride.
I think shells have their uses and sometimes they aren't such a bad thing. Though anytime you want to peek back out, I'm always happy when you share your thoughts.
Our lives do sound painfully similar right now.
Learning and growing - that's a good thing.
ReplyDeletesunnygirl, I hope so lol.
DeleteI think you both are right- for each other! :D
ReplyDeleteviemoira, thank you. I think so too.
Delete