So I make an effort not to be critical of him, to look at my part first and foremost, not to come and whine when I don't get my way. Okay, in all fairness I do whine, but usually it's just so I (and my ever
Yet, I'm still not good with words. Writing is different, easier, more time to think and sort as opposed to just spitting it out and getting caught up in the consequences. And thus this blog still ends up sometimes acting as a mode of communication for us.
To say that we have been on different pages lately, would be an understatement. In fact, I have begun to wonder if we are even reading the same book.
We haven't been fighting or arguing, or anything like that. He's been sweet and demanding and distant. Doesn't sound too bad right? And it's not really.
I don't mind that he ignores my requests for the knives to come back out--after all, the point is it's not up to me anyways, and I don't mind the occasions that he is distant. Sometimes it's even kind of hot.
I don't even really mind being ignored--as long as he chooses to do it and isn't just doing it because he doesn't notice. Make any sense? Yea I know, picky picky.
I do mind when I try to communicate and it just doesn't work. I know my communication skills are crap. Really I do. So I'm not saying he doesn't listen.
But I do think that sometimes, just sometimes, he doesn't really hear me.
Sometimes I think that when I say "D/s", he hears "sex."
Sometimes I think he could care less if I do as I'm told (as long as it's not related to sex, coffee, or back rubs).
And I make a conscious effort not to be a raging
Not the best choice no doubt, but somewhat of a natural response for me.
He knows that given a choice between life without sex and life without D/s, I would quit sex in a heartbeat (though the two are so intertwined around here, that's a real hypothetical lol).
Yet, I don't know that it really makes any sense to him. And when things don't make sense to him, he generally doesn't do anything about them until they do.
Perhaps this is just me trying to dictate my terms again, and just pouting because I spent a week following him around and waiting to sit at his feet and I got sex and a clean bedroom.
Perhaps I felt like I was really making progress with this whole submission thing...And he didn't really notice. Yea, I guess that's pouting too.
Some days this whole submission thing is so simple. And other days? It's just damn well complicated.
Part of me wonders what happens after I hit "publish" and he reads this.
It's not my intention to be critical, or whiny, or dictate my terms...Sometimes it's just nice to see words in print when they don't work for my mouth...Sometimes it makes things just a bit easier to figure out. And sometimes, it shows me the glaring error of my ways. Sometimes...