A comment from faerie on one of my last posts got me to thinking...Dammit lol.
Anyways, she asked "could it be that your submission is a little deeper than you thought?" Well hmm, I hadn't really thought about that. I know right, there are still things left that I haven't thought about?!
And I think it's because I try not to. Because it's a little bit scary when I pull back the lid and look inside--at the depths of submission.
It's there inside of me. Like a swirling pool who's depths you can never quite see because it goes so far down. And I spent a lot of my life trying to fill it in with other things, to cover it up and dam it so that it would just go away. But it never did.
Much like springs that run underground, it continued growing stronger underneath the surface and forging it's own path through the earth to rise randomly to the surface following the path of least resistance.
Submission is a part of who I am. And it's easy to get carried away on whatever path it may take. Then comes along and starts working the edges. Slowly changing the direction and rate of flow into a place and direction he wants it to go.
It is possible to kill a spring. But more often than not, they simply retreat under the earth out of which they came. Alive and unseen.
Yea, ttwd really is like water.
I guess what scares me is not being able to see the bottom. The fact that perhaps it could be more like a rushing river than a peaceful spring or a quiet pool--it's easy to get swept away in the rapids.
Knowing that my submission might really run deeper than I thought...Well...I need more coffee. Because I doubt I'm making much sense.