Sunday, April 1, 2012


Ironically, I am discovering that letting go is an act of will. In that moment when I begin to feel myself fighting, I make myself...Not. I use my will to bend to his, make it go whatever direction his will demands. And it's a bit of a new experience...

If I don't achieve some level of space, I don't enjoy sex. The first thing he says to me is always "down" and usually it takes a little while. I need help. I need something to happen that carries me there.

Last night he wrapped his hands around my head and told me "down."

And I went.

Too far to fast.

At first I felt all floaty and high. Then I felt like I was falling and developed an immediate case of vertigo. I really thought I was going to lose my dinner right there. The room was spinning, my stomach was somewhere in the vicinity of my head, and I felt a bit like I was a few shots past drunk.

Which is why I don't drink--I don't like that feeling.

He always knows if I am in space or not. I think he felt me pulling up, pulling back, grasping for solidity in my newly spinning world.

And it took me a minute to tell him what was going on when he asked. It seemed so...Ridiculous. "Yea, you told me 'down' and I feel like I went too fast. I have a terrible case of vertigo and am feeling like I'm going to puke right here."

Because really, who does that happen to, I mean, how totally ridiculous does that sound?
I have to admit, it sounds even more ridiculous in the light of day with my feet firmly planted on the floor and my head not spinning.

I hadn't realized that it was possible for me to go so far down so fast. And I think it took Alpha a bit by surprise too.

I knew he gave me butterflies. The vertigo? Well that's a whole new ballgame. Did I mention that I'm not sure I liked it?


  1. I kinda wish you hadn't followed, "who does that happen to?" with "how ridiculous"...

    Cuz, well, you know...

  2. *pssst!*
    I was just teasing, in case that wasn't clear...

  3. Lol, I now recall why I try not to leave or respond to comments after 10 PM and before 9 AM--that's when my humor sensors are broken. Copious amounts of coffee seems to be the only way of repairing them.

    And yes, well you...But you have valid physical reasons! It would be one thing if he had been squeezing my head or something...


Play nice.