Thinking Out Loud

The thing that I love about hitting publish on my blog, is that it makes the thoughts floating in my head solid. It gives them a form and shape which makes them easier to examine and understand. Often, by the time my next post goes up, my perspective on the previous one has changed.

Sometimes I think I read as unhappy, when really I'm just...Thinking out loud. Well, I am not happy about blogger lol, but everything else? Just because it can be difficult, doesn't mean it's not good.

And boy did I have some great thoughts last night before I went to sleep...They stayed somewhere out there in dreamland though.

One of the things I love about Alpha is that everything has a purpose. Sure, there are plenty of, "because I can" or, "just because I want to," but hey, I'm pretty sure I would do that too given a chance to run things around here lol.

The proactive approach to anything has never been my strong point. But I don't think that submission is necessarily by nature, a passive experience.

He is making me look at things from the perspective of him not being the only one who has to work at this. And that seems fair. Especially given that I might be am quite a lot of work lol.

This whole approach he's got going on, the one I'm having a difficult time adapting to? It makes me put a lot more thought into this whole power exchange thing. It makes me ask for what I want and admit to what I need.
Oh the horror of it all!

I need his Dominance. And that need requires that I submit.
He's right that he shouldn't have to fight me for something I want to give.

And punishment? In a way, it is kind of an absolution. Without it...I tend to spend a lot more time thinking about what I did or didn't do wrong. Not sure I like it lol. But it does make me want to be good.
And he knows that eventually, I will come crawling and ask for that absolution. Or, i could just be a good girl...

He knows what I need. And he needs for me to admit to it before making it reality.

The man knows me so well, it's almost disturbing.

He has no desire to drag me down the rabbit hole. He wants to see me jump in.
And he has always been there to catch me before I hit bottom.