The Problem Is...

Oh, just one problem? Okay, so I rounded down by a few hundred. No need to be picky.

I'm a bit on the sensitive side (don't laugh, I do try to hide it well). You know that woman who flies off the handle and totally becomes a raging mess over, "You're not sure what"?

Hi my name is lil, and I would much rather yell at someone than admit that they hurt my feelings.

For me, one of the less pleasing things that happened when we really began exploring ttwd, was that I found it took very little criticism from Alpha to make me cry.
It was like, suddenly what he thought and how he felt mattered more than I ever imagined that it could.

When we began to push further into intensity, everything became more intense.The love, the pain, the happiness, the intimacy, the hurt feelings--all of it.

As soon as he announced that he was going to quit smoking, I knew that I had better toughen up a bit. Withdrawal makes you cranky, and if I took everything to heart, I would be a sobbing useless wreck, and we would spend the majority of our time fighting.

I think that I did pretty good, he tried really hard not to be mean, and he's pretty much made it out the other side of cranky.
The thing is...He has now moved on to the general unhappiness stage. Which is really, (and quite selfishly) difficult for me, because he's the optimistic, positive, upbeat one in this relationship.
I have the mood swing, cynical, and people suck, market cornered. And there's just not enough room in that corner for both of us.

The problem is...

The other night was the most intensely that we have played for a while. Oh who am I kidding, it was the first time in ages that we have played at all.
There's a certain drop that sometimes happens afterwards, and the longer we go between nights like that, the more intense the drop.

I seriously hate being all sensitive and prone to tears. It irritates me to no end, and I'm sure that dealing with it can be somewhat incredibly irritating as well.

I was feeling pretty thin-skinned yesterday, and just didn't deal well with anything he did or didn't say.

The problem with being owned is...
Everything one's owner says, does, and feels, means...Everything.
Their mood and words can be like the difference between a sunny day and a winter storm when it comes to how one feels and perceives the world.
And, illogically, I often find myself believing that any unhappiness of his is a direct reflection of his happiness with me.
That sentence didn't make sense did it? That's okay--illogical thought processes don't have to make sense lol.