Life has really started hauling me around by my ears lately and the hits just keep on coming so I could be here just do bitch this morning lol, but I had something a bit more tolerable in mind.
The other night Alpha was tired. I was tired. Tired plus tired should equal sleep right? Well, not quite. He is of the opinion that sleep is always better after sex. Even if yours truly is half asleep already. Me, I tend to think it's an unnecessary activity when you are really already asleep and is best performed while conscious. Of course, my meek and polite (oh fine, laugh), objections are completely ignored. Needless to say, I wasn't all there which He finds quite intolerable. I just couldn't quiet my mind and let shit go. After all, in my defense, there has been a load of shit lately lol.
Anyways, I'm lying there trying far to hard to drift into space while simultaneously hating my job and thinking about people who owe us money and bills that need to be paid (I know, super sexy right). Of course, He knows I'm not "down." It's like bat radar or some shit. He can tell from a mile away if my head isn't where He wants it to be.
He stopped. Grabbed my head, rested His forehead on mine, and said, "just be still. Let it all go. There's nothing here except you and me and the sound of my voice. Just us and the dark. Be still with me." After a few minutes He began to command me down...and down...and down...and I went...down.
Moving into a concept that Alpha and my father shared well--the ability to just sit and be still. No unnecessary words, no rambling thoughts, just...being. I'm horrible at it. I mean, really awful. My brain just doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. I'm always thinking--usually about five or ten different things at once and most of them are problems or things that I have problems with. So, being "still" is really difficult for me. It's the biggest wall between me and subspace--my mind. Which I suppose is the biggest hurdle between me and anything else lol. But it's an interesting and useful concept--just being still.
lil,
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time quieting my mind as well. Its frustrating when its running in 10 different directions except the one place it needs to be. Especially in moments like you described.
It sounds like your Alpha did a wonderful job talking you down and helping you be still.
Serenity
lil,
ReplyDeleteOmega is fond of giving the "be still" command quite frequently, in fact, as soon as she's finished with reading and commenting on various blogs, her time will begin and will go on throughout the weekend.
Hugs,
mouse
"It's the biggest wall between me and subspace--my mind. Which I suppose is the biggest hurdle between me and anything else."
ReplyDeleteAmen to that.
Oh lil, you make me laugh so hard, "It's like bat radar, or some shit"....
ReplyDeleteMy mind races around in those circles too, I think it is the curse of being a woman, everything is connected to everything else in our minds. I don't think a "be still" would work on me. Not been trained to it, but rope works just fine. All W has to do is tie my wrists together and off I go. It's wonderful. I love to turn off the noise.
It is content like this that makes one love coming here... that and bat radar :D
ReplyDeleteIt's funny because this is a new thing for us. What makes it funny is I've been learning meditation since I was 10. You'd think I'd be okay with this, but I'm horrible at it too. I've never been able to meditate without props... like watching a candle burn, guided meditations or walking meditations. Just being still and refocusing my mind so it's not full of all the other stuff... not so easy, but I'm told it gets easier with practice. :)
ReplyDelete*hugs*
turiya
Serenity, yea, you would think it would be easier to think about one thing at once or nothing at all, but it's really not lol.
ReplyDeletemouse, wow. It sounds like a good thing but something that definitely takes practice...to spend so much time being still.
Zelda, Yes, well, when I'm not feeling excessively whiny, I like to admit the truth of my situations lol.
monkey, turning off the noise is great. It's like the difference between a deep sleep and tossing and turning with dreams all night--their both sleep, but only one will give you that really rested feeling.
Master's piece, Ooh, my content is worth coming back for more! And well, it is bat radar after all, who could resist?
turiya, being still sounds like a pretty basic concept lol, but putting it into practice is never quite as easy as it sounds is it.