Life has really started hauling me around by my ears lately and the hits just keep on coming so I could be here just do bitch this morning lol, but I had something a bit more tolerable in mind.
The other night Alpha was tired. I was tired. Tired plus tired should equal sleep right? Well, not quite. He is of the opinion that sleep is always better after sex. Even if yours truly is half asleep already. Me, I tend to think it's an unnecessary activity when you are really already asleep and is best performed while conscious. Of course, my meek and polite (oh fine, laugh), objections are completely ignored. Needless to say, I wasn't all there which He finds quite intolerable. I just couldn't quiet my mind and let shit go. After all, in my defense, there has been a load of shit lately lol.
Anyways, I'm lying there trying far to hard to drift into space while simultaneously hating my job and thinking about people who owe us money and bills that need to be paid (I know, super sexy right). Of course, He knows I'm not "down." It's like bat radar or some shit. He can tell from a mile away if my head isn't where He wants it to be.
He stopped. Grabbed my head, rested His forehead on mine, and said, "just be still. Let it all go. There's nothing here except you and me and the sound of my voice. Just us and the dark. Be still with me." After a few minutes He began to command me down...and down...and down...and I went...down.
Moving into a concept that Alpha and my father shared well--the ability to just sit and be still. No unnecessary words, no rambling thoughts, just...being. I'm horrible at it. I mean, really awful. My brain just doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. I'm always thinking--usually about five or ten different things at once and most of them are problems or things that I have problems with. So, being "still" is really difficult for me. It's the biggest wall between me and subspace--my mind. Which I suppose is the biggest hurdle between me and anything else lol. But it's an interesting and useful concept--just being still.