Thursday, March 10, 2011

Energetic exchange

You hear a lot about the physical aspects of D/s and BDSM (or whatever the hell you feel like calling it, I'm not feeling to particular tonight lol), and the mental aspects even get a fair amount of attention. Rarely though do you see people talk about the energetic aspects. Maybe that's because they aren't always there? Or maybe it's not scientific and clear cut enough to get much attention? Maybe it falls into the cookoo-for-cocoa-puffs category but oh well. Frankly, I'm to tired tonight to really give a fuck who thinks what lol. Anyways, it's something I thought about all day (except for when I was sitting on the curb getting that stupid citation because my boss let his registration slide, but I'm trying to rein in my bitching). Alpha and I used to play with energy even before discovering ttwd, but not as in depth as we do now. I guess it's not really play anymore.
Energy flow changes everything. In my mind, the exchange and mutable ability of energy are as important as the mental intricacies of BDSM. Not having that would be like having the physical experience without the any mental aspects--it's just...not the same. Mental and energetic aspects are deeply entwined because they feed on each other. Thoughts focus energy, energy deepens the connection.

When I'm with Alpha he expects me to open the gates so to speak. There is a continual exchange and flow of energy which I think is a large part of what I call subspace because that's the most fitting word I have found. It's difficult to put into words, but I can feel Him and I know He feels me in a way that words don't really do justice. It's like an opening of minds to exchange more than physical contact. It is a kind of intimacy beyond sex (though, might I say, they do go very nicely together). Because what is more private than the essence of your being, the thoughts that can't be expressed because no one made words for them, the one place no one can ever really see? The only way I can think to describe it is that it feels like He steps into my mind with His own and wraps it around me kind of like waves. The more you do it the better it gets--kind of like D/s and experience.
I am well aware that there are endorphins and varies physical and scientific coolness that happens in the body during pleasure or pain or those heightened states we get into. But I don't believe that to be the only explanation.

Ttwd has enhanced our experiences with, and explorations of, energy play/exchange/whateverthefuck you wanna call it. And I wonder if it is always there for every D/s experience between everyone? At least to some extent? I'm actually curious about this so feel free to fulfill any compulsion you may have to answer that question lol. Of course, if you want to tell me I'm crazy, I will no doubt have something rude and hopefully semi-intelligent to say (the cynicism of my day hasn't worn off yet. Can you tell?), but such is life.

The problem for me is, I spent a lot of life blocking up that energetic/mental gate that comes into play with Alpha and I. Because it's hard as hell to open and close at will. We all walk around broadcasting thoughts and emotions, trying our hardest to suppress what we don't want the world to see, thinking we are hiding what's on the inside. And most of the time, it works because none of us really want to feel and know the random people we come in contact with on a daily basis. We're so closed off that we can't feel/hear/sense it anyways. Of course, there are people who do a great job of opening and closing that gate at will (I married one of them). I however, am not. At some point in life, I decided that me and everything I am was all in or all out, one way or another, black, white or orange, no gray areas or in between. Somehow, it applied to all of me lol and it impacts a lot about my life. Even my little gates and boxes (I thought they were useful and nicely wrapped, lol. He keeps breaking them down and tearing off the wrapping).

I'm really to tired to do this subject justice and I have no clue if this post even makes sense. But it was on my mind so out it came. Kind of like when the brain says "stfu" and the mouth keeps talking...


  1. lil - this sounds fascinating, but i'm not sure i'm entirely clear on what you mean by energy exchange... can you talk about it a bit more?



  2. I second kk's motion - I'm intrigued as hell - and would love to know more.

  3. Great title "energetic exchange". It's so hard to put into words, but you found some good ones. Yes, energy is real, it is intertwined with the mental and the physical, but it is somehow there beyond either of those. It's that *knowing* He is in my head and in my space. Feeling Him and trusting that he feels me. It's sort of spiritual for me. Not just thoughts, not just feelings, but a sensing of closeness and oneness that trascends the spaces between us. Or something like that -_-


  4. kk and greengirl,
    alright, here goes:
    It's like, if you stare at someone in a crowd long enough, they will eventually look right at you, no matter how big the crowd is--your focus creates energy which in turn is sensed by the other person. They have a physical reaction (looking at you) to your non-physical action.

    Alpha says that energy is what makes the difference between touching with your physical being and touching with your mind.

    I think that energy is what makes keeping eye contact during "play" so intense. It creates a back and forth flow of energy between two people.

    I'm not sure how else to expand on the concept...if you have specific questions maybe I can narrow it down more.

    "Not just thoughts, not just feelings, but a sensing of closeness and oneness that transcends the spaces between us." Very nicely put. And it is so entwined in the mental and physical that it's really hard to discuss as it's own concept. And I think it does fall into the more spiritual aspects of ttwd. Which are, granted, maybe not always there. But when they are--hang on for the ride! lol.

  5. greengirl and kk,
    I think that you will find Alpha's descriptions of what I called energy exchange informative. It's posted on His blog.

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Play nice.