Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Thoughts on humiliation

 I just want to say...Omg, He did a post to my blog. I didn't really want to post right on top of it, but I had to get the thoughts out of my head while they were still semi-coherent lol.  For some reason I had a terrible time formatting this post so it's showing as one very long and difficult to read paragraph lol.  Alright, this post is a response to a comment greengirl (whatiwonder >>> ), left on my "Damages" post. When I think of humiliation, I don't think of the daily teasing or mocking--I just think that's irritating lol. And I do trust Him more than I did before our D/s dynamic. I think that is due in no small part to the deepening and intensity of our relationship and the fact that honesty has taken on such an important role. Imho, there is a huge difference between humiliation in a vanilla relationship and humiliation in a D/s relationship. In vanilla (memories of which are fast being wiped out lol. I kind of sucked at vanilla anyways), it's not healthy. You see it in abusive relationships a lot. It lacks any intent besides tearing down another person to lift oneself up. Instead of bringing people closer, it functions as a wedge that creates resentment and distance between partners. Instead of involving some type of bonding and reaffirming of the relationship afterwords, it seems like something that just dissolves into an argument because someone's feelings are hurt and another did the hurting with no reasoning or thought. My experiences with humiliation inside D/s have been very different. When I think of humiliation, I think of the humiliation and what happens afterwords as a whole. It's worth pointing that out because it's not an obvious given if you're reading a blog post randomly. It didn't occur to me to say that until mouse (a slaves tale >>> ), pointed out that it's not about what happens during humiliation, but what happens after. And not everyone realizes that. I think what happens afterwords is the biggest reason humiliation can work in a D/s relationship and not a vanilla one. When you are told how loved you are and shown that your world is secure, the humiliation is simply an act that brings you closer and deepens the feeling of submission. It's a difficult concept for me to address because so much of it seems contradictory when put into words. Maybe mouse will offer some insights that make more sense than my post lol. At first, I was honestly afraid that Alpha couldn't love and respect me after having humiliated me. He said that, in fact, He loved and respected me more because of my willingness to experience things I found incredibly distasteful simply to please Him. That is showed a certain strength of character  to be seen so low and get up to try and take over the world again the next day (I'm taking liberties with paraphrasing here, but you get the gist). In D/s it is something you experience because your Dominant wants it. Not because He is trying to harm you or make you a weaker person. It is far more intense and meaningful than in any other context. Humiliation is one of those things that just is what it is and it's difficult to put the emotions and mental impacts into words. On a completely random side note to Alpha, I love You too and thank You for the love I'm still not sure I deserve. You are my world. Thank You for taking the time to tell the world and myself that You love me and I am yours. Best birthday card ever.


  1. It makes total beautiful sense! Well done...

  2. lil,
    thank you for answering my questions - this is one that, whatever ends up - will be entirely from him i think.

    Happy Birthday - it is an auspicious day - it is also my husband's birthday. All the best this next year.

  3. Happy (belated) Birthday. :)

    And I liked this post. It's given me a few things to ponder. As always, thank you for sharing with us.

  4. I'm so glad you commented on my blog, so that I was curious and came over here to check yours out. You have some really thought provoking topics. Thanks You!

    and Happy Birthday!!!


  5. Histoy, glad it made sense and thank you.

    mouse, hugs.

    greengirl, you're welcome and thank you lol.

    zelda, thank you and pondering is one of the things I do best (doesn't always get me anywhere, but I'm a regular at it), so ponder away lol.

    monkey, well, you know, thought is a great substitute for action and I think a lot lol so I had better be able to come up with something thought provoking at least sometimes. And thank you.


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