Monday, March 14, 2011

Conceptual realization

Most things start out as concepts. A concept is pretty easy to deal with--it's abstract, it's construct is not necessarily set in reality, and it is not solid or set in stone.
When you start taking concepts and turning them into reality however, that's when things can start to get sticky. Sure, the concept of being owned is great--it's hot, it's safety, it's intimacy, it's hanging over the edge and thinking about staring your limits in the face. When you begin to put that concept into practice though, things are a little bit different. After all, everyone must function within reality even if we are creating our own reality as we go.
In practice, you realize that being owned means that someone Else will largely be responsible for shaping your reality. And, of course, if the shape it takes is always to your liking, then it's not really someone else shaping things is it? So naturally, taking a concept and turning it into a reality is not always comfortable or easy. Looking out at your limits from the safety of thought is easy. Being pushed to the edge and brought back right before you fall into a bottomless abyss--not so much.

I had lots of concepts when we first began exploring D/s. And they were comfortable. They told me where I thought my limits were, what I thought things would be like, who I thought I would be. Over the years, that has all been challenged. Alpha has done and said things to me that I never thought He would or could. My limits were not what I thought they were, and I am no longer who I was before. To say that I don't have limits would be a lie. To say that I have the limits He sets, now that would be true. Are some of them way beyond my happy zone? Hell yes. If they weren't would I be getting pushed out of my little box at all? Absolutely not. Yet another thing that was far more easy as a concept than a reality.

I guess my point is that we get carried away with concepts, ideas, things that sound good in theory. Taking those concepts and making them a reality can be an incredible experience, but nothing is as easy to do as it is to think about. The lovely thing about concepts is that they can lead to some truly incredible experiences. They are like seeds--without the seed, and dirt, and water, and sunlight, the willingness to grow into and through hardship and weather, they cannot grow. But given the proper care and attention, concepts can lead to things that will sustain you in ways well beyond their humble beginnings.

Just take a deep breath and look before you leap. Because when it comes to the concept of D/s, once it's realized, someone else will be deciding when and where you leap and whether or not you get to breath and look first.


  1. What you said about limits has really gotten me thinking. It's funny how when Asha and I first got together everything we did was based on limits I had set. And now... he sets the limits based on what he feels I can and can't handle. I have very little say in it anymore. Of course, he still wants my thoughts and feelings on everything, but he makes the decisions about everything now.

    I think that's just the healthy progression of D/s, though... over time you just give more and more control to them. But like you said... you definitely need to know it's what you really want before you get into it. It's never anything like the fantasy in your mind.



  2. turiya,
    One of things I love about D/s is that natural progression; how it becomes a way of evolving in and of itself. And yea, nothing is ever the same in reality as fantasy is it lol.

    searching, glad you found it thought provoking.


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