Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Issues and randomness

Okay, it took an hour this morning to get my blog to let me post. Now it is letting me post (I think...).

I read a post a while back (normally I get off my lazy ass and make a link if I don't have the blog listed, but I can't find it), by a Dom, talking about being a good Dom. He had me in agreement for a while, then I came to  particular line and the writer and I parted in our beliefs--he stated that a Dom must, above all, never show weakness to his submissive. Now, this is a broad statement and if I could find my way back to that particular blog, I would probably ask it's writer to clarify his definition of weakness. Weak as in a pushover that lets the sub get away with murder? Then by all means, we are back on the same page. Weakness in the way that we are all subject to the human condition and everyone needs a place to hide their head sometimes? Then our opinions part ways again. I suppose it depends on the relationship. If you are married or in it for the long haul, isn't never showing weakness a terrible burden, a wall within an otherwise deep connection? And is the human need for occasional comforting and a shoulder to lean on really weakness, or is it simply a facet of being alive?

We are largely defined by our expectations. And usually, those expectations shape what we want and get out of our relationships. Do I expect Alpha to be strong, to be my shelter in the storm, to make sense in a world without reason, do be my pillar of strength in a crumbling tower? Yes. Do I expect that He will occasionally need a shoulder to lean on, a rock to hide under when life becomes overwhelming, a place to lay His head and rest? I do. He is, after all, human too. If I couldn't provide those things on the rare occasion that He does need them, I wouldn't be worthy of His Dominance. I would be weak and useless. Our relationship would lack the strength and bond that is necessary to survive this brutal world. He would be lonely. I have noticed that it does seem to get a bit lonely up there. And what if you were so far up at the top that no one could reach you, that the world rested on your shoulders alone while at the side of your loved one? I think that would make a relationship less than fulfilling.

Okay, I really did have some coherent thoughts on this subject, but my blog issues threw me off my philosophical track lol.


  1. Yes these blogger issues are not fun!
    Hopefully it'll be fixed soon.

    I understand what you mean, everyone needs someone sometimes no matter how strong.

    I suppose if that other Dom was just talking about in the D/s dynamic and not a whole relationship I'd understand just like you.

    I really like being able to be the shoulder sometimes. Sure I'm a "good girl" when I listen to my Master, but I feel useful when He needs something from me too. :)

  2. True leadership is the ability to continue to lead in the face of your weakness, the ability to share and validate those weaknesses in front of those that follow and than rise above them and set the course in spite of the weakness.

    To hide from weakness is not being strong it is being dishonest. At best to those that follow you which makes you unworthy of their support and at worst to yourself which makes you dangerous. Either way hiding all of who you are is not being Domly it is being stupid.

    Great post.

  3. Oooh what an interesting post! If the relationship is for more than just kinky sex I really think it needs to go two ways. Our doms aren't perfect as much as they try and they need a companion and confidante.

    I ended up typing something ridiculously long so I just moved it to my own blog lol!

  4. Blogger hasn't given stats for three days and yesterday removed the toolbox quick links... hear you on randomness.

    As for the Dom... you do have to wonder how much practical experience he actually has. It is very hard to keep things that private when you live with anyone 24/7. Let alone any length of time.

  5. hear hear! i love this post... thank you!


  6. Facet of life for sure. Showing weakness takes trust and strength, traits that subs and Doms share.

    Great post.


  7. Naida, Yea, I got the impression that he was more of a "weekend" dom lol.

    Sir J, I agree. It seems counter productive to the entire concept to go out of one's way to create walls in a relationship largely revolving around honesty and removal of barriers.

    Master's piece (she's not randomly going on about stats I swear. I was screwing around and blogger ate a piece of my post which I was to lazy to fix lol), it's always nice not to be the only one wish issues (sorry, misery Does love company though). And yea, I got the impression that said dom didn't tend to relationships and preferred to exercise his domlyness one hotel room at a time lol.

    Mockingbird, lol, I get a bit carried away with comments sometimes too, feel free to leave mile-long comments if you want!

    Sweet kk, k, and turia, Thank you! Always nice when my drivel turns out to be interesting lol.


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