Life has been nuts and I have been missing those little addictive moments of random Dominance.
Last night as I was curled up to Alpha's shoulder, I was thinking about the feelings that don't depend on anything to exist. They are there without physical expression, without the need for words as a descriptive process. They just are. Mainly, safety and trust. The protection I have when in Alpha's presence is quite important to me. It is one of the greatest and most tangible things He gives me. It's addictive and familiar. It offers a rhyme and reason to this crazy world we inhabit. It makes those sadistic tendencies He has more attractive, it makes me feel like everything's alright no matter what. And oddly enough? It plays a huge part in all my fantasies.
Alpha calls it my "princess complex" lol--the need to be rescued by my knight in shining armor over, and over...and over again. Maybe it's because of those times when there was no one to rescue me and I needed it oh so badly? I don't know. I used to find His analogy rather insluting (yes yes, I decided to leave the typo), but after thinking about it for a little while (a year...or two...or three...), I figured out that it's true and there's really no point in denying the truth to someone who knows me inside out and values truth above so much else. Here is one of those places where safety and trust intertwine. After all, can you really have one feeling without the other--my trust in Him strengthens the safety I feel in His presence.
So my little complex? It stands. And sometimes she needs to be fed a little. And He's okay with that.
Trust is not the same as blind faith. Blind faith is what leads humankind into religious wars, unquestioningly into agreement with actions and atrocities that strip us of our freedom to make choices and express ourselves. Blind faith is dangerous--it is what leads us to follow planetary leaders without questioning the value of their judgment, it has no need for real trust or respect, it is little more than an age old tool to control the masses. A construction of man often veiled by our need to believe in powers greater than ourselves. I have never been good at blind faith. Faith should be based on acquired knowledge, not blind belief.
Occasionally, Alpha will want me to do or believe something based on blind faith (is it still blind if prior experience tells you someone is trustworthy and generally in the right?). More often than not though, He asks for things based purely on my trust of Him. And that's okay--because of that trust, He has earned a little bit of blind faith. And it's based on our experiences--not blind belief. Because while love and faith may at times be blind, what we have is based deeply in the knowledge of who we are and the dynamic we have.