It's been a long couple of weeks. First there was the whole week of medical tests and Dr's for Alpha. Then the kids got sick and not just mildly sick. I'm talking the raging cold from hell prompting us to take the big boy in for antibiotics and codeine cough syrup.
Now, the kids are still sick and the nasty little bug has broadened it's attack to include Alpha and I. So I'm contemplating a few days of abject misery on the couch (well, no wollering in self pity for me today--I have to go to work. But tomorrow...), followed by the start of my new schedule with another job. No, I didn't find a replacement for the one I have, I found a temporary one to supplement it which means I'll be working 12 hour days. At the moment, a 12 hour day sounds like competing in a triathlon (I don't run, or swim, or whatever the hell else they do in those. Whatever it is, I'm 99 percent sure I do Not do it lol).
Anyways, I was going to make a point lol, I just got a bit distracted with my morning dose of self-pity. D/s, while always there under the surface, has been greatly muted over the last couple of weeks. And I realized something horrific last night--I don't crave sex (not exactly a news flash), but I do crave Domination. Or is it submission, or both? Because after all, the two go hand in hand lol (see, I don't even make sense to myself when I'm sick). The thing is, when I'm tired, and the kids are sick, and I don't get home until after nine PM, I don't Want to be Dominated. Not in the least little bit. But during the day when I'm out and about, at night as I drift off to sleep, in the morning after my mad dash for coffee, I crave Alpha's Domination. Not sex, not pain, not bindings or play, just the peaceful feeling that comes with simple little moments of Domination and submission.
Now how in the hell did that happen?