Sunday, April 7, 2013


Last night, we saw an artist who got me to thinking about balance.
I think that we often get carried away with our ideas about how things should be, about what is important and what is not.
Complimentary and interdependent opposing forces
We get wrapped up in our mental images revolving around what life is about. When really, everything down to the tiniest cell is about balance.
A balance which we as humans tend to be woefully unaware of, and seem to do our very best to disrupt as much as possible. For instance, here genetically modified food is considered normal--a concept which I find abhorrent and more than a little terrifying. One cannot mess with the basic building blocks of existence and expect the balance that has always been to maintain indefinitely.
In fact, I think that most of the issues we face as humans on earth today, come down to the very basic truth that we live in a world which has become extremely unbalanced.
But I digress...

In the natural creation of all things there is an amazingly intricate balance. Like a delicate dance performed to the perfect tune, where every step and every note are intricately woven together.

In my opinion, it is in the disruption of balance where most problems arise in health, happiness, relationships...Life.
From an outside perspective, D/s may appear to be an extremely unbalanced concept; however, I believe that Dominance and submission are, by there very nature, an epitome of the expression of Yin and Yang--opposing forces that are not in opposition to each other, and wherein the existence of each individual aspect is dependent on the other.

For us, not living our relationship in the form of power exchange was unbalanced. And while things were often good, and we loved each other deeply, that lack of balance often led to unnecessary disruption and disputes.
With D/s came balance. When we get off track it is because, in some form or fashion, our balance has been disrupted.

At its very core, life, earth, existence, the universe itself--are all inherently and intricately dependent upon balance.


  1. As always, lil, you have been able to voice exactly what needs to be said, and have written it so incredibly well. Beyond your eloquence of describing balance, and D/s, I can't tell you how much the whole food market / supply gives me the heebeegeebees! I'm always so shocked at how... uncaring or ignorant people are about what they eat, just because it's cheap or easy. It's sad, really.

    1. SubGirl,
      I think that a lot of people have no clue, don't care, and don't think twice about gmo's, and some have to either choose gmo's or no food.
      I'll be the first to admit that there are certain things I always buy that I know are gmo--like potatoes. If I could afford not to, I wouldn't.

      I do find it exceptionally ridiculous that something straight from the ground in it's natural unaltered state costs less than something created in a lab...
      Oy, I could have an entire blog dedicated to complaints about Monsantos lol.

  2. Our dynamic isn't fair, but it is balanced. And when the balance is just right it is a beautiful thing. We don't always get it right and are still finding our way, but I wouldn't want to go back.


    1. Pocahontas,
      It is awesome when the balance is just right. Can be kind of tricky keeping it there though...

  3. Wonderful post again lil and well said. I agree, this dynamic is balanced and when the balance is right, it is a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing this.


  4. What floats one persons boat will sink another. The balance for one [couple] may not be the same for another. The key is to find that balance, be mindful of it and adjust it when necessary so the scales will not tip too far to one side or the other.
    It's sad that some people (vanilla) judge other people's (bdsm, non-vanilla, whatever) relationships. No one has the right to judge what makes one [couple's] scale balance. It's all relative.

    1. st,
      I do think that we are often unnecessarily judged by the vanilla. Of course, as you say, it's all relative.
      Though I don't know that it doesn't bother me just a teensy bit more when non-vanilla's criticize vanillas for being vanilla--I would like to think that we tend to not be that close-minded lol.

  5. Lil,
    I completely 100% agree with this.
    We have been so much in balance since we started ttwd, and even calling it M/s perfected the balance even more.

    1. Bas,
      I think it has helped our balance tremendously as well.
      Of course, now when we are out of balance, it's a bit more like hanging off the edge of a cliff waiting to crash on the rocks below than it was before.

  6. Completely agree that all life should be in balance. Everything is off when it is.

    1. sunnygirl,
      now if only I was better at maintaining that balance...

  7. Awesome post! A much needed reminder :)


  8. This is a concept that Daddy and I love. We hear a lot in our society about equality. And there are some places where equality has it's place, the application of justice, in the salaried compensation. But in relationships, equality doesn't always work. As in all management dynamics, there can not be equality - think of the saying: too many cooks spoil the broth - there must be those who lead, and those who follow.

    The same applies to the management of relationships. There is a myth about equality - it is not always possible or equitable. It does not take into consideration strengths and weaknesses, or even wants and desires. We are certainly equals - meaning that we are of equal importance. But for us, balance means much more than equality. And we work very hard to maintain balance in our relationship and in our family.


    1. June,
      I read a post the other day over at Blissful Dwelling Place that really shone a new light on the concept of equality for me.
      She was talking about equality being each partner getting what they need. It was interesting, and I'm still musing on it lol.

    2. I read that the other day, lil, and I loved it. One of our first posts was on balance. It's something we talk about often :)


  9. Have you ever come across a post, and said to yourself, I really need to read this post and get this persons perspective, and then you read the post, nodding all the way, and so you read thru the comments and more nodding to yourself and then you get to the end and the writer and the commenter are talking about "you, and you're post"? Well, I just did that I'm laughing out loud! Not at your post, but at the irony of it all! Thanks for you comment on my post and led me here too.
    Yes, it is "the imbalance" that is really noticeable and extremely unsettling to those of us who put a great deal of value on that part of our most loving relationship. That D/s balance is the center pole on our relationship "balance scale". Where we feel our best together. So frustrating when it's "off".
    I hate to feel that imbalance (and H does too, now that he's in the know) but the reworking, reconnecting and re balancing are maybe that much more appreciated. ?
    It seems almost cliche now, but it comes down to communication I suppose, which for us, is as much non-verbal as it is verbal. Talk about others not understanding- right?
    I noticed from the post following this one that you share with us your stresses and I do hope that you feel the balance from you man- soon! :-)
    I so love finding likemindedness in blogland! Thanks lil

    1. Elysia,
      I can't say as I have ever found myself in those exact circumstances, but Blogland is kind of cool like that--how things meet up and sometimes we see those meetings by mere chance.

      I think that those re-connections are more appreciated. I have also noticed though, that the imbalances seem much more drastic and painful when they occur.

      I too am always happy to find like-mindedness, and I very much enjoyed your post on equality.


Play nice.