Something Sweet and Apologetic...

I am sorry that, while we are often on the same page,

lately it feels as if we are reading different books.

I am sorry for the space between us

and that I can't seem to come back on my own.

You know that I love you

you know that I am

and always will be

yours.

I am sorry that I need your help,

that I cannot simply fix it myself,

sorry that I don't know exactly what "it" is.

We have come far together, you and I.

We have gone where others told us not to tread,

together we have created children and buried our dead.

We have come far together, you and I

in our own quiet corner of the lonely sky.

I am sorry my love

for my imperfections, for those days when nothing is ever enough

and everything is too much.

I strive to submit of my own personal desire and sense of being

I strive to be yours when I want to decide on my own

I strive to make the right choices when they are mine alone

I strive to please you by being not what I think I should,

but by being what you desire.

I am sorry that

often I strive and fail.

Sometimes I wonder what you want of me
how I am to please
when you do not wish to put me on my knees
how I am to follow a direction I cannot find.

I am sorry that I cannot seem to reach that place
where submission is self sufficient, self feeding, lacking expectation,
and doesn't so often require your guiding hand.

I am sorry that sorry isn't enough
and that while times are tough
our path has become rough.

Know that you are my guiding light
that when your brightness dims
I come undone,
that though my desires are many,
my one truest need is your happiness.

You told me, "Never forget that you are Mine."
I have not forgotten.
Indeed one of my deepest fears is that you will yourself forget
that I am Yours
mind
body
and
soul.

I am sorry that I most often feel unaccomplished
when I think that you are no longer pleased by me.
Because in a way,
I feel that my greatest accomplishments occur when I am sitting at your feet
because those are the moments
in which I truly find peace.

It is when I find myself on my knees
knowing that you are truly pleased
that I know
your ownership has made me free
and it is okay to just be
me.
At peace with all that is and ever will be.