Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A Question of Wanting Another

"First I want to thank you. After searching for something to explain this, I've been with my owner for 2 years, just about 6 months ago did we figure out our roles. He had always been called "controlling". I do have a question in here I promise.. If this is too personal I am very sorry ahead of time. **Has your 'alpha' ever wanted to bring another into the bedroom?** I understand why he wants it, but at the same time.. My past has hurt me so that I just want my master all to myself and I get very angry when I even think of another woman touching him, but I also feel upset with myself because it's what he wants. He says I give him everything and I am a good girl, but that just makes me confused... **I give him everything, why would he want another in the bedroom...?*** I'm 22 and he's a 29 year old that looks like hes 22. I don't know if that will help in assessing it..?

Thank you for reading over this long message.

Please advise,
-A very lost Jayne"

Short of asking for an address, I doubt that there is much that would be considered "too personal" here. So no worries.

I think that I pretty much covered this topic here and it's follow-up post which can be found here. In short--yes he has/does. But really, do read those posts--I think they pretty much have everything I have ever written about that particular topic. And while they may be far back in the archives, this is one topic that hasn't really changed or been discussed more since they were written.

I'm not sure what age and looks have to do with the issue...? Besides that he is old enough to have thought about it for a while, and chances are it isn't just an idea inspired by a passing phase.

I understand the confusion that comes with being told that you give him everything and him wanting someone else in the bedroom. I think that the reasoning tends to differ from man to man and relationship to relationship.
For Alpha, I think it is one of those things that is very much about seeing how far I am willing to go to give him what he wants--a way of pushing the limits that I am most strongly attached to perhaps.

I think that how we are able to deal with these concepts is very much dependent on our overall situation--whether we are talking about something just for fun that happens once, or an ongoing relationship that involves three people.

I'm not feeling extremely competent in the advice department these days, but I think that perhaps my best advice would be to talk about it with your Master--why he wants it, what he wants, how you both feel about it, is this a one-time thing, could it be something that happens years down the road, etc.

Fantasies are tricky little critters. Some come to life, and others do not. Some should never happen, and perhaps others should.
The one certainty I have about fantasies is that, if they are to come true, we need to take the time to make sure that their doing so will not damage ourselves, our relationships, or the others who may be involved.


  1. Just dropped by. Have nothing to add. Have a good day.

    1. sunnygirl,
      always nice to see you!

  2. Great advice Lil, I think the last paragraph is so important.


  3. lil :)

    I agree with Roz...that last paragraph is so important and you stated it so perfectly in my opinion. Thanks for sharing this great advice!


  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Thank you for replying,the age thing increases his ego and confidence, which makes him.. almost arrogant.

    Every time we talk about it, I always say no, I am not ready. Our "discussion" ends up him saying it's my past that is preventing me from inviting another woman into the bedroom, that is part of it... The other two thirds is that this is mildly new to the both of us and we're still "exploring" what we like and dislike. The last part is that I worry that if she does something I cannot (i.e. she has no gag reflex, ect) that he will want that again but I will be unable to provide him with that luxury.

    He wants it and will push until he gets it and he gets upset because I have done this ONCE about 3-4 years ago but I didn't care for the man or have the connection and after trying it that one time, it ruined my relationship with the previous man. I fear that I will give into him just because he wants it, not because i am comfortable or okay with it, which will make me pull away as it did in my previous relationship and I don't want that, but he's so persistent and sometimes he just gets so angry with me, I feel as though I will eventually give in to him to make him happy with me again....

    Please, again, advise,
    A very lost Jayne

    1. Jayne,
      It sounds like this is something that is having a definite and unpleasant impact on your relationship, but I'm really not sure what to tell you.

      I think that we all have those worries about someone else being able to give them what we cannot. The best I can offer in regards to that is, if he wanted to be with someone who can do things you cannot, he probably wouldn't be with you in the first place.

      As I said, I really don't know what advice to give you about your situation. Perhaps it's an idea that you guys can table for a set amount of time then revisit in six months or something?

      I'm feeling at quite a loss. The best I can do is what I have said above, and if you want someone to chat with, feel free to email me.
      If I have any brilliant ideas, I will let you know.

  6. Your post was very helpful, there has been no discussion of it since. He knows (and reviews what) I post here and I think him reading this helped him realize what I was trying to tell him...

    I tried the contact Lil button, but nothing happened.
    Thank you very much for your help Lil. I'm so glad you have this site and so is he because I have somewhere to go with my questions to someone who understands. :)

    P.s. I was instructed by him to explain the following: that my first name is Jayne but my friends call me by my middle name (Samantha, Sammy for short) because they say "you don't look like a plain Jayne" and because I can wiggle my nose like Samantha from Bewitched.

    1. J.S,
      I am glad to hear that you have found my crazy little corner helpful.
      Sorry the contact link didn't work, my email address is

      Never known anyone who could wiggle their nose like that lol.


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