Sunday, April 28, 2013

Defining Extremes

I swear that I have written something with this exact same title before...Oh well, if I can't remember, then you shouldn't either!

I read a post yesterday that got me thinking about extremes. Specifically, how we define extremes.

I have been called extreme...But I don't see it. When I think of extremes, I think of having your tits nailed to a board, of my darker fantasies that will most likely never come to life, of...Things we just don't do, I guess.

For me, the cane is extreme (I hates it, I hates it, did I mention that I hate it?). For others, it is a walk in the park.
For me, knives are fun. Oh yes, reduce me to a panting, wet, begging, mess...I digress though...For others, knives are extreme.
For me, too extreme is whatever Alpha says it is.
For some people, getting pissed on is a hard limit. For me, it is like a gateway to subspace.
And so on...

So how do we definitively define extremes, and separate them into categories of black and white?
We don't.
Because extreme, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
We define extremes for ourselves. Then the extremes that we go to are defined by our Dominants.

I doubt that people come through and shudder at the content of my blog, defining me as extreme--because I don't think that I am. But that is, of course, by my own definition and perception.
There's also a notable lack of anonymous dropping in to "save" me. So that probably contributes to my previous assumption...

It's funny though, while the kinky section of Blogland is pretty open and accepting, the more you wander, the more likely you are to encounter two very opposing views on extremes--damn near everything is too extreme, or "I am more extreme than you, therefore I'm better". These days, both approaches just make me shake my head.

The most extreme I get, is being willing to do whatever he wants.


  1. ' being willing to do whatever he wants' - that't the definition of submission - No? As you said
    different strokes for different folks. As long as you are both happy, the hell with everyone else.

    1. sunnygirl,
      I'm not sure that I know anymore...
      Lol, yes--to hell with 'em!

  2. Hi Lil,

    Your post is very interesting. For me, much of BDSM/kink seems extreme & scary even!

    But I tried to keep an open mind & I refused to set limits(well, save one)! (sometimes ignorance is bliss - sometimes)

    I trusted my Dom, he loved to push & push he did. But he knew me & my inexperience, and he was very careful of me.

    I did do things & had things done to me, that I would have never dreamed of doing & I LIKED IT.

    I really miss the excitement of never knowing what would happen next! :(

    So I agree, "extreme" is in the eye of the beholder!

    Great Post!

    1. Lost Kittie,
      Welcome to the crazy corner.
      I'm kind of inclined to think that ignorance really is bliss, and I could use a much larger helping of it in my life lol.

      Thank you. Glad you liked the post.

  3. I think 'extreme' is an over used word in today's vocabulary. It's all relative to what you have experienced in life and perhaps what you want to experience - knives for you, canes for others - so to speak. I suppose it's how blinkered someone can be or how open-minded. The problems comes when extreme becomes dangerous and amoral. interesting post, thanks Lil

    1. DelFonte,
      "The problems comes when extreme becomes dangerous and amoral."
      Very good point, I agree completely.

      Glad you enjoyed the post.

  4. Ok lil, so I think this is exceptional. You're absonutely right. It is in the eye of the beholder. It's a fascinating concept, isn't it?

    Thanks for your post,

    1. fiona,
      Thank you!
      And yes, it is a fascinating concept that my brain can only really wrap itself around on special occasions lol.

  5. I think this is similar to when people may ask "how much it hurts" or something like that...its difficult to define as what may be unbearable to one wont be to another.

    I tend to say that we (the bossman and i) 'play' towards the harder end of the bdsm spectrum, but again how do we define what is 'hard', i love the cane its my most favourite implement but a wooden paddle i really cant handle well at all and will go out of my way to avoid it.

    Many people love floggers of the rope kind...personally they dont do a lot for different strokes for different folks....pun intended lol

    and as for being pissed on...i am so with you on that one.

    The way i see it is my 'extreme' is personal to me and to someone else it may well be considered tame..but the only person i need to satisy is my Master.


    1. tori,
      oh yes, the "how much does it hurt" question. I hate it--because seriously, pain is a relative concept dependent on the individual. Hear that one all the time at the dr's.

      "the only person i need to satisy is my Master." Exactly!

  6. If you asked me a year ago to describe exactly what makes me come, it would not have looked anything like what I was literally begging for (and getting) last night. I wouldn't have even thought of it.

    Extremes are just things we haven't tried yet. Not that we have to or want to try them all, but like food, tastes change as you experience more.

    1. Kitty,
      Ooh, I really like the concept that extremes are just things we haven't tried yet. I'm gonna have to muse about that one for a while.

  7. I think whatever makes you both happy is the key. We are all different. We cannot easily deny what makes us happy. I think we all grow and change.

    1. Minelle,
      We do all grow and change. Now if only adapting to that growth and change were as easy as it sounds!

  8. There are things we wouldn't do....doesn't mean others can't enjoy them. We're pretty tame these days...and honestly mouse is quite happy with our play level.


    1. mouse,
      I have always felt that we were pretty tame...Of course, life has a way of throwing children and personal injury at us during the most inconvenient turns in the road too!

  9. Interesting post lil. Some things I used to consider extreme are now pretty much completely 'normal'. I guess a lot of things may 'appear' extreme, until you try them? Or not maybe. I agree it is very much each to their own and people's perceptions of what extreme actually is. Very much like likes and dislikes. Everybody is different and not one way is right or wrong. It just.... is.

    Dee x

    1. Dee,
      I think that it is a lot of what kitty said about extremes being things we haven't tried yet.
      Like you, there were things I thought were extreme that are just normal now...

  10. Hi, This is an interesting post. The things that I thought were extreme 5 months ago are the things that I crave the most now....

    1. Saturn,
      Thank you.
      I think that Kitty summed it up quite well in her comment about extremes just being things that we haven't tried yet.


Play nice.