1 three year old girl.
Piles of shit that doesn't fit in my house.
1 storage unit.
1 sil recently discharged from the hospital with a concussion and whiplash from her boyfriend beating the shit out of her.
A very strong sense of "do unto others as they do unto you" (or to someone you love as the case may be).
Multiple and constant headaches.
And several very bad attitudes.
Stolen, missing, or vanished items:
1 felon with a death wish.
A healthy dose of D/s (to be found somewhere between walking into the bedroom and passing out).
Another house or three more bedrooms (preferably "affordable").
Children that behave (willing to trade three curious little overachievers for imaginary and polite kids).
1 death certificate or assurance of equal value (bones also carry redeemable value).
1 car (that works)
Time alone to be seriously used (time frame unknown but closely tied to the following item).