Sunday, May 1, 2011

Vanilla chocolate swirl

Alright, I decided not to let my poor little blog drown completely in vanilla ramblings so maybe this will be a vanilla chocolate swirl post lol.

I've been sick a lot lately and it has impacted a great deal about how Alpha and I interact. The physical aspects are the first to noticeably diminish, then being sick goes to my head (yea yea, haha), and other areas become compromised. I haven't ever been sick for this long, so it's been new to us both and Alpha's been really sweet about it (You know, only minor accusations of being depraved deprived). But He's getting touchy and I'm getting...Oh hell, I just plain don't want to submit (yes, I have admitted to the cardinal sin of submission, well I'm sure there's more than one lol, but anyways...I said "I don't want to").
At the same time? I'm angsty and figity, and just generally cranky. And I know it's because what I want and what I need aren't always the same thing. I need D/s. Without it we aren't as good, I'm not as stable, I'm not as happy, and I just

Now, I realize this is getting a little bit "meme" (which I'm okay with lol, because it's my blog, but I'm trying to view this in a wider context), but in the big picture of how we live and what life's like, it's not great for us when our D/s becomes so buried. It doesn't just disappear--it has become a part of who we are and how we live our lives. But sometimes it gets muted. And I feel like a puzzle missing edge pieces. It's harder to put the puzzle together, and without the edge pieces, the picture falls apart easily...Lacking a frame to keep it all together. D/s may be only part of the puzzle, but it has become our frame--those few precious pieces that hold the picture together with us as the corner-stones.

What I want is not always what I may need. And Alpha has made it quite clear in the past that He's willing to take my wants into consideration (when He wants to haha), but He's not obliged too. He feels that needs are His responsibility, not wants. And normally? I'm really okay with that. I even rather appreciate it as a given part of our dynamic...except for when I just don't want to lol.

Though...Ooh lala, we'll be getting some cruel cool little nipple clamps to review here soon, so I had better get my ass back on board here soon huh.


  1. Love the puzzle/frame comparison! I've had difficulty with submission lately, so I understand. Hope you get your puzzle back together soon.


  2. Thanks Serenity, I'm busy crawling around under the table for those pieces. As long as I don't hit my head to many times, it'll be all good lol.


Play nice.