Monday, May 23, 2011

Maybe one day I'll be less random...

I noticed that my poor blog is once again drowning in completely vanilla ramblings so I thought I should do something about it lol. This is totally random and probably won't make any sense, but it's not all vanilla lol.

Unfortunately, Alpha is permitted to make all the snarky comments He wants--when I do it He calls it diarrhea of the mouth and is mean about it. Hmph.
Anyways, the other day I was being particularly obstinate my usually sweet and pliant self while browsing through my regular blog reads. He asked me if I was trying to learn how to be submissive from reading people who actually are submissive and know how it's done. ?!??!!*#!? I was a little bit hurt.

This morning, after reading Stormy's last post (shelter in the storm, over on the right), I was feeling quite smarmy about His previous statement. "Uh huh, sure babe, I'm learning great punishable one-liners how to be more submissive by reading my favorite blogs."

Seriously though, while I haven't been writing about it much, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about ttwd.
And it's funny, because in the beginning, I did all this reading, and I had all these expectations about how He should be (note, it was "how He should be", and very little about how I should be lol). Five years in and I am incredibly grateful that He does not (often) display some of the traits that I thought were prerequisite for the position.
Sure, He takes what He wants when He wants it. But He cares enough about me and how I am doing to take that into consideration. Living with someone who didn't 24/7 would be a nightmare for me lol.
What is often great in fantasy is not quite so appealing as a constant way of life.

I have come to believe that Domination isn't so much about demanding submission as it is about inspiring it. Both have their place to be sure, but in the long run, demanding isn't going to get you everything. Well, yes, His damn bat radar and my need for air does often inspire me to acquiesce in the required manner lol, but the way He is and the actions He takes inspire me to at least try and be/do what He wants quite a bit more often.

We were together a long time before starting our journey into D/s. But I think you learn a lot more about someone when they are in a position of power. What's the saying, "All power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely"? Alpha is pretty easygoing, generally forgiving, and, unlike some of us, ahem, can handle not getting His way. When He's bending down to open the door for some little old lady, you would never know He spent the night before whacking me with unpleasant implements for resisting "His way."

When people are experiencing something traumatic, are powerless, are in a position of power, or have become truly desperate, is when you find out what they are really made of.
I have learned that Alpha's not quite as soft as He comes off.

And I have also learned that there are no experiences that can compare to cruelty mixed with compassion, Domination combined with mercy, primal need tempered by love, the quandary of submission and strength, the enigma that is life as both princess and slut, and the insanely painful yet rewarding experiences that come when you live your life in complete honesty with another human being.


  1. lil,

    This isn't random at all. It's quite a lovely post and just what this submissive girl needed to read today. I like real stories of this being interwoven in a life much more than the list of what a Dom or a sub should be like.


  2. Serenity, thank you. I like the real stories too. List's are easier to make but they lack something that really makes a difference.

  3. This is very nice - for it's realism, and the joy that is evident. I hope my husband and i can achieve our version of this.

  4. greengirl, thank you. And I am sure that you will or have. Sometimes it's harder to see something from inside eh?


Play nice.