I was thinking about why I crave Domination. Then I was questioning the question and began wondering why it matters that I do, then why I have such a hard time admitting I crave it.
Still with me?
Naturally, I got sidetracked--by wondering about the differences between craving submission, and craving Domination.
Perhaps craving Domination is craving submission too because you can't really have one without the other...?
Lol.
Alpha, quite often craves sex.
Above all, I crave Domination.
And the two can often be quite nicely intertwined. But I also crave Domination without sex.
He's busy, it's time to plant the garden, trying to finish the boys room, hopefully some paying work coming up soon, etc. And me, left to my own devices, what do I do? Think of course. And not about tomatoes either.
It's damned inconvenient I might add.
But I sit here and I think about his control. About being Dominated.
And I know
That I submit because, deep in the core of my being, I need Domination.
Yea, there's something to be said about the whole, "I submit because______" ritual.
Because it makes me think about why I submit. And for the first few weeks, it was pretty easy--obvious answers, no real thought required. But then I used up all the easy answers lol. So I have to look just a little bit closer, dig just a little bit deeper, open up just a little bit more.
When I think about my fantasies, every single one revolves around D/s. Actually lol, they run a bit more extreme than our normal interactions. Yea, that's the "bedroom fantasies" post that will probably never be written. Unless he goes through another one of those phases where he wants to hear them and gives me an out to write them instead lol.
Funny how it can be easier to admit some things to the whole world than to look someone in the eyes and say it out loud. Eh, he's not one much for giving easy outs anyways.
And how the hell did I end up here from up there? Maybe I need more coffee...Or less...Better just err on the side of caution and say more.
We are very very similar in on our needs and wants. I could have written this post myself. I crave the sex but I crave the dominance and control even more which sometimes makes me uneasy and I have to force myself to just stop thinking about it and let it be. It is much harder when they are busy and then sometimes there is that look or a simple statement and I feel better. Around and around we go. I'm going to get more coffee too.
ReplyDeletedancingbarez,
DeleteIt is harder when they are busy isn't it.
And coffee makes everything better lol.
No such thing as too much coffee, lol. Now, the too much thinking thing, guilty as charged. Like a little hamster wheel in my head, squeak, squeak, squeak. I can't keep up and it makes me dizzy, lol.
ReplyDeletefaerie, I agree completely--coffee is just one of the wonders of the world and it would be foolish not to consume massive amounts.
DeleteI like that hamster wheel analogy! Sounds and looks suspiciously similar to my brain lol.
Completely get this. My first feelings or yearnings were of the need to be controlled and dominated which were there long before i discovered 'kink'.
ReplyDeleteI need the control/domination more than i do the sex and s/m although they are part of our dynamic they are by no means the most important and sex probably being the least important.
The use of rituals for me/us helps to keep me focused and although i used to laugh at the very idea of having them i now find them very important..they keep me grounded even at times when i dont particularly feel in that submissive state of mind...they affirm who i am and what i am to him.
tori xx
tori,
DeleteIt's kind of funny, because in the beginning, I was very anti-control. Things change though. Majorly lol.
And I agree about the rituals, at first they are hard to remember, and don't feel very natural. Then they just kind of become habit and feel completely different.
Your posts always make me think. Too much, I think. LOL
ReplyDeletesunnygirl, deepest apologies for that lol.
DeleteYou said:
ReplyDelete"Funny how it can be easier to admit some things to the whole world than to look someone in the eyes and say it out loud."
That is so true, and it amazes me. Yes.
aisha
aisha, kind of weird huh, but true nonetheless.
Deletehmm...you have given me something else to think about now because you are right...craving submission and craving dominance are NOT the same thing.
ReplyDeleteFunny that I never put that together. It definitely explains why I don't always feel submissive but I always crave domination/control.
Thanks for that.
Beki, it's an interesting distinction to make because I think it really clarifies things...Maybe I'll see clearly when the dust settles lol.
DeleteYes, it's time to plant the garden again! I've already got the herbs in pots, and this weekend might be right for Joy to put the tomatoes in the ground (Joy is in charge of the tomatoes at our house--"Nice tomatoes, dear," I always tell her).
ReplyDeletePerhaps Alpha will instruct you to plant the garden, and that way you can be Dominated and focus on planting all at the same time!
Jake,
DeleteNow that's just mean lol. Thankfully, I am not allowed to run the tiller.
We're only doing four rows of tomatoes this year. Cut the amount by half, but I think we will still process and consume about the same amount--we lost a lot when it started freezing because we just couldn't keep up last year.
And that, is why I keep very very busy. Ruminating thoughts can drive ourselves crazy! :)
ReplyDeleteviemora, lol yes, it is quite possible to drive oneself completely batty.
Delete