I was thinking about why I crave Domination. Then I was questioning the question and began wondering why it matters that I do, then why I have such a hard time admitting I crave it.
Still with me?
Naturally, I got sidetracked--by wondering about the differences between craving submission, and craving Domination.
Perhaps craving Domination is craving submission too because you can't really have one without the other...?
Alpha, quite often craves sex.
Above all, I crave Domination.
And the two can often be quite nicely intertwined. But I also crave Domination without sex.
He's busy, it's time to plant the garden, trying to finish the boys room, hopefully some paying work coming up soon, etc. And me, left to my own devices, what do I do? Think of course. And not about tomatoes either.
It's damned inconvenient I might add.
But I sit here and I think about his control. About being Dominated.
And I know
That I submit because, deep in the core of my being, I need Domination.
Yea, there's something to be said about the whole, "I submit because______" ritual.
Because it makes me think about why I submit. And for the first few weeks, it was pretty easy--obvious answers, no real thought required. But then I used up all the easy answers lol. So I have to look just a little bit closer, dig just a little bit deeper, open up just a little bit more.
When I think about my fantasies, every single one revolves around D/s. Actually lol, they run a bit more extreme than our normal interactions. Yea, that's the "bedroom fantasies" post that will probably never be written. Unless he goes through another one of those phases where he wants to hear them and gives me an out to write them instead lol.
Funny how it can be easier to admit some things to the whole world than to look someone in the eyes and say it out loud. Eh, he's not one much for giving easy outs anyways.
And how the hell did I end up here from up there? Maybe I need more coffee...Or less...Better just err on the side of caution and say more.