The thing is...I'm not always so good about being right.
This is the exchange Alpha and I had the other day:
Me:
"I can still be right! Just because you own me, doesn't mean that I can't be right..."
Him:
"Yes you can, and no it doesn't. But you may not be rude about it."
He has this way of making complete sense at the most inconvenient of times...
See, I'm pretty good at being right--not so good at saying so.
In all fairness, my delivery has gotten much better than it used to be I don't do the dance anymore.
I get around (not like that, geez), and I come across a lot of new submissive blogs. Sometimes I see that questioning about what happens when we are right.
What happens when we are right and our Dominants are not. Do we disagree or are we supposed to just let it go?
I think it is very much dependent on our approach, and the importance of the subject of disagreement.
I am
Being right in not nearly as important to me as it used to be. In fact, I much prefer it when he is right.
There is a reasonable explanation for that (before everyone goes and decides that I'm completely off my rocker).
When one person gets the final say in all decisions, life is going to fall apart if they consistently make the wrong ones. Because we don't live in that glorious land where there is only Mastery and slavery, where unicorns roam, and disputes float off like rainbows (if you do, I would like to trade residences).
While we discuss all the important decisions, he is responsible for the final choice. I get to put in my two cents, point out why I feel my approach is best, and occasionally argue my case. But ultimately, it is not up to me. Therefore, it is in everyone's best interests that he make the right decisions.
Disagreeing with one's owner is very much about how important the issue is, and having a respectful approach. Well that, and actually being right.
Accepting one's lack of control can be an evolutionary step in its own right.
I am clearly a work in progress...
SP tells me I am always right...
ReplyDeleteEXCEPT
when I disagree with him.
I pretend this is a valid opinion... ;-p
Jz,
DeleteLOL. Apparently, I'm always right too! With above exception of course...
When he read this, I resisted the urge to admit how very badly I want to use "I'll pretend that's a valid opinion" in a sentence...
That was one of my biggest challenges. Being right(whether I was or not). Being heard (without listening). And getting my way (at all costs).
ReplyDeleteApparently, with the right motivation, I don't seem to care so much anymore, .
Cause though I am still heard, I now listen, though I am still sometimes right, I'm comfortable when I am not, and if getting my way is something that Sir wishes to happen (and he takes such good care of me), then voila! Girl gets her way.
But it's all up to Sir in the end.
Justine,
DeleteI think it becomes a bit easier when we know that they really hear us.
psst...it's me, Justine!
ReplyDeleteHaving been married for what seems like centuries today, I can tell you that being right all the time is a lonely place to be... I wonder where that gets ingrained in us? That we need to be right?
ReplyDeleteI learn and remember much better when I have made a mistake or been wrong. I can't grow in right land.
Kitty,
Deletethat's an interesting question, where we learn that we need to be right...
We really do learn so much from our mistakes. It's much more difficult to learn anything when one always has the answer already.
Aren't we all works in progress. My hubby tells me he is always right except when he's wrong. I think that can be said of all of us. But I do like to be right. He can be left.
ReplyDeletesunnygirl,
DeleteThat's pretty much Alpha's approach too.
LOL. Ooh, I like right too. Unfortunately, I sleep on the left...
Being a good sport, winner or looser - right or wrong...is tough. It is something that we work on in my family a LOT!! Loved your post.
ReplyDeleteSirQsmlb,
DeleteWe have worked on that one a lot too.
Thank you.
Well personally one thinks the victory dance should be recorded and shared... you know for educational purposes or posterity or something :D
ReplyDeleteMaster's piece,
DeleteSigh. You just want to hear about what happens to me after the creation of said recording lol.
Note to self: Small font is not small enough. Must slip these phrases in using extra tiny font.
I understand why you need him to be right most of the time. How could you accept his control if he wasn't? But if he listens and you have a dialogue and you know that he will take what you say into consideration, then even when you disagree you know that you are in a safe place.
ReplyDeleteAlice,
Deletethat is very very true. However, it can be a bit more difficult in practice...
Sometimes it's not so much a matter of right and wrong as a difference in styles. Or at least, that's how things are at our house.
ReplyDeleteOh, now I want to see the "I'm right!" dance that you no longer do!
Jake,
DeleteHis style does seem to be slightly less aggressive...With other people anyways lol.
You guys are worse than Google--small font is for the things we should not mention! I think I have very valid reasons for no longer doing the happy dance...I value sitting and breathing you know. Lol.
My husband, knowing that he has the final say, listens to my point of view and considers what I have to say. This is the exact opposite of how it was before. Knowing that I am heard makes it easy to let him decide. And he has been making good choices ever since. glad to see that you are finding the same type of win!
ReplyDeleteBlondie,
DeleteI do find that he considers my opinion more now that he has the final say.
It really is a win.
As much as i would love to make a sing and dance about it when i am right (it does happen on occassions lol) im learning that isnt the best way to respond...strangely enough!
ReplyDeleteHowever even in this dynamic we are not always going to agree, on the times he has made a decision and it hasnt turned out for the best he will say so, its enough for me knowing that he will admit when he is wrong rather than being of the thought that "im dominant so im always right".
x
tori,
DeleteOdd how they don't appreciate the dance...
I think that you make a very important point here--a huge part of responsibility for making the decisions is the ability to admit when it was the wrong one.
I try and not do the dance anymore either... I don't always remember to stop myself... Thankfully it makes Him laugh... Something tells me it isn't because He thinks it's cute.. More likely I look an idiot. LOL
ReplyDeleteThankfully it isn't often I feel the need to be right. I'd rather just be harmonious... It only happens now and then that I feel an urge to 'stick it to Him' with the right dance... Likely that is the time He is needing to reassert Himself because I am feeling off.
I agree with Tori as well, when He has been wrong He always owns it, which makes me less likely to want to be smart about it. I tend to want to build Him back up instead... :)
HisLilAngel,
Deletethe whole looking like an idiot bit does explain above requests to see said dance lol.
I think that owning mistakes is huge. And when one is in the position of power, not doing so is much more of a faith killer than having the ability to say "I was wrong."
If they couldn't do that, we wouldn't know that they would do better next time.