One Submissive to Another kindly accepted my LOL day bribe, and had this to say:
"Ive got a question/thought
Here goes hope it makes sense,
aspect of our relationship has been a complete relationship shift. I
have been the one in charge for 5 years and when we decided that we were
going to have a D/s relationship, he became the one in charge. At home I
am very submissive, i know my place and i love it. However in public
and around family and friends it seems old habits die hard. Its been
almost 2 years and i still really really struggle with it, he gives me
that "watch it look" when i do it but it doesn't seem to stop me most
times. I was wondering if you ever had trouble with that? My ass has
been consistently sore for two years now lol."
Yes, before D/s, this was a bit of a problem for us. I was never in charge, but adapting was still difficult.
Now, he expects a bit of sass when we are with family or friends--for some disturbing reason, he thinks it's fun to propagate the misconception that I am a mean woman with a bad temper who rules the roost.
Okay, so maybe the temper part is right, but the rest of it is clearly erroneous propaganda on his part.
I no longer have a problem with my behavior in public or around friends. The "Look" pretty much does it for me these days.
For me, the most consistent struggle with this sort of thing comes in shifting from "In charge" mode when I'm functioning out on my own, to not in charge. That primarily manifests itself at home though.
When it came to staying in my place in public and around friends, it was easier to adapt to when I looked at it as an issue of respect.
I respect Alpha tremendously. Therefore, I want to see him treated with respect. If I don't give it to him in front of others, I can't very well expect them to do so.
I am very much a reflection of him. I feel that it reflects poorly on him for me to display attitudes or controlling behavior towards him in the presence of others (when we're alone, it just reflects poorly on me).
Often we want people to view us a certain way. I don't care so much how people see me, but I do care how they see Alpha.
I want my presence to bring him more respect, not less.
So yes--I have had trouble with that. But I have found that taking a different view of my behavior has helped tremendously.
Even if it didn't manifest as obvious disrespect that anyone would notice, looking at is as being about respect really did make a difference for me.
I am, by no means, implying that you are disrespectful--just that shifting my perception has helped me personally to remember my place in circumstances outside of the house. Sometimes a little shift in perception changes everything.
When we make that shift to D/s, there are certain things that we have to relearn. Some come easy, some take time. Okay, so not a whole lot comes easy lol. But it's worth the time.
I hope this addresses your question/thought--I'm having a terribly off day lol. But I did say I would get to this today.
This whole submission thing isn't easy is it?