As usual, I make no claims that this will make an inkling of sense to anyone else...My drafts folder has gotten out of hand again, and it feel a bit like having a cluttered house. So here's cleaning out the corners...
Overall, people (myself included) tend to view BDSM as the darker side of sex, desire, love, power...But there are different forms of darkness.
When I was seven, I had a dream of waking to a dark figure touching me and leaning over me asking me to go with him.. I told him no, that I was not for him. He repeated his request, and I gave the same reply and told him to go away. When I awoke for real, everything was as it had been in the dream, except that he was gone.
What struck me most about the dream (besides thinking that I was awake when I wasn't), was that the figure wasn't just dark--he was a complete absence of light. It is difficult to describe, and to this day I have never seen anything quite like it.
Laying in the garden contemplating the stars, is when I formed the theory that darkness is not the absence of light. But perhaps evil is.
I do love the darker pleasures--pain, control, humiliation, fear, giving myself to his sadistic desires...
But in those dark pleasure, there is not an absence of light.
There is a purity and sense of absolution that comes with giving in to my darkest desires at his behest and honoring his wishes, whatever they may be.
Oh yes--give me the darker pleasures that we whisper silently to lovers in the night, the ones we keep to ourselves because we are not always aware that we need not fear the darkness, the ones that wash away all that we think ourselves to be...
Because in the darkness there is purification and absolution, there is truth without the constraints of belief, and there is an unrivaled fire that warms me to the depths of my soul.
Because darkness is not necessarily the absence of light.