Saturday, November 3, 2012

Conversations With Grandma

This isn't one of those, "Words of wisdom from your elders" posts. I wish it was...

My mom and I have this little tradition where she calls me and reads the funny excerpts from the local police blotter.
Yesterday she called me, "I have a funny for you. You'll love it--you're the only person I know who will really appreciate it."

I keep on stirring dinner and wait for the big reveal...

"Man called police to report that he couldn't get the handcuffs off of his wife and could he please borrow a key."

But wait! It gets better. Sigh.

She continued with, "I can laugh at that because it almost happened to me!"

I have an atrocious uncanny ability to turn terrible things I hear into images. The worse it is, the better the visual. Unfortunate really.

I choked on my own spit and almost knocked dinner off the stove.

It's safe to say that I no longer look forward to our little police blotter chats.

34 comments:

  1. Teehee. Oopsie. So so funny! (and a little mortifying... But mostly funny)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HisLilAngel,
      Yes, it was a mix of both. And where else was I going to share it lol.

      Delete
  2. That's pretty funny actually...if absolutely horrifying as well, lol

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    Replies
    1. cuddlykitten,
      lol. Terrible combination that.

      Delete
  3. I have to say that I have always been confused by this. You are a blogger who talks about her D/s and BDSM lifestyle in public online. Yes, you use a pseudonym and you have some privacy controls.. But just about anyone can see your words.

    Further, you go out and read the words of others to do with the same or similar lifestyles. So, I don't understand why it is so weird or off-putting to hear these words from your mother.

    Perhaps you can enlighten me? ^^;;

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. morwenedhelwen,
      Well the post was meant in a humorous light...

      If I knew my mom had a blog like this, I wouldn't read it.
      I know what she's like, she knows what I'm like. I don't see any particular gain or interest in sharing the personal details of one's family's sex life.

      If your mother had a blog like this, would you choose to read it?

      Delete
    2. Hello again lil,

      I didn't mean to detract, I'm sorry.

      But to answer your question: If my mother had a blog like this, I don't think that I would choose to read it, but I don't think that I would choose not to read it either. I think that it would be like everything else: if I like the writing and the points made are poignant, I would follow along (like here!). Otherwise, I would just move on.

      Delete
  4. oh i suddenly imagined what it would be like if I heard that from MY mumsie. EEps.

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    Replies
    1. Fondles,
      you see where I'm coming from here! Lol.

      Delete
  5. Yikes! My mom has told me some things that I wish she'd kept to herself, especially when she's talked about her and my dad. I know they had sex because otherwise I wouldn't be here, but I really don't want any details.

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    Replies
    1. Dana,
      I'm all about sharing...But I don't see any attraction in knowing the details of my parents sex life.

      Delete
  6. LOL, good thing you weren't sipping coffee whe she shared that tidbit, heeheehee :)

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    Replies
    1. faerie,
      lol. It is a good thing--I would have had to restart dinner.

      Delete
  7. It's those unexpected visuals that kill us...
    ;-D

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    Replies
    1. Jz,
      Exactly! If one doesn't have a brain that does the visual thing, it's not so bad...

      Delete
  8. I think that fits under the category TMI.

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    Replies
    1. sunnygirl,
      I couldn't agree more. SO naturally, I had to share with all of you lol.

      Delete
  9. ooh yes definitley a case of tmi mum lol

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    Replies
    1. tori,
      tmi is a concept I really should introduce her to one of these days...

      Delete
  10. Oh, but that's interesting. Does it run in the family, I wonder? What would your great grandma tell you...?

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    Replies
    1. Giles,
      Oh well...I wouldn't want to ask lol.
      Though my husband seems to think the answer is yes.

      Delete
  11. Ha! Oh how brilliantly funny!!

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    Replies
    1. Bleuame,
      I did think it was wonderful blog fodder...

      Delete
  12. Oh, too funny!
    My mum had a couple of gay friends and one night she started telling me the things they did in an almost curious and astonished kind of way. She was very polite about it, but oh man...

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    Replies
    1. Justine,
      lol. Sometimes polite just doesn't make up for it.

      Delete
  13. Hi Lil,
    I'm afraid you'll have to tell your mother about the wonderful possibilities of Blogging.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bas,
      Oh how could you? Lol.
      Happily for me, she is about as computer literate as my great great grandmother. I don't think she even knows what a blog is...And I'm fine with keeping it that way lol.

      Delete
  14. What a funny story! Thanks for sharing. Some things you just don't want to know about your mom.

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    Replies
    1. Serenity,
      that's pretty much my entire train of thought in a nutshell! Lol.

      Delete
  15. Oh my goodness, I literally was rolling off the bed laughing when I read this!!!

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    Replies
    1. SirQsmlb,
      lol, glad you got a laugh out of it.

      Delete
  16. To think I only read 50 shades of Grey because my mum had read all three books and made me feel like I was some kind of prude because I hadn't.........

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    Replies
    1. Lmao Joolz!
      I haven't heard about 50 Shades from my mom yet...Chances are, it didn't make her literary cut because she's a stickler when it comes to the skills of the written word.

      Delete

Play nice.