Thursday, November 8, 2012

Formspring # 10 Time Together

"We're new to this about six months and I would luv to hear how you get time together. We have kids as well and my Dom travels..."

Sorry that it has taken me so long to get around to answering this question. When it came in, I was in the middle of a bout of major resentment regarding lack of time together lol.

We have a somewhat unusual schedule. Alpha might go months without working outside of the house, and then a project comes up and he's gone 15 hours a day, six days a week, until it's done. Sometimes his projects last weeks, other times they drag on for months.
During his periods of work, we get very little time. Beyond the long hours, his job is very physically demanding so his time at home is spent in exhaustion.

Having kids that are schooled at home also makes time alone somewhat of a challenge.

For us, it's very much about those stolen moments that occur during the morning and evening. Little things that convey attention and power exchange, but can happen in the time it takes for a child to walk from the living room to the kitchen.

I have a book that lists things I am expected to do/not do, on a daily basis. I give it to him for review every night after the kids go to sleep (provided he hasn't already passed out on the couch), so that gives us a little bit of focused time together.
There's lots of things that aren't in the book. Because really? The overall one expectation is to "Be a good girl" (you would be surprised at how much of life one can fit under that simple heading), and I could write a novel of expectations and rules if we broke them all down to their individual forms.
But having the book helps me focus. And it insures us at least that moment every day. Where we are focused on each other and the fact that I am his.
Having little daily rituals helps a lot. Even if they don't take much time, they give us an opportunity to focus on each other without outside interferences.

Given the nature of his work, time together has always been a challenge for us. It's something we have yet to get down to a science.
Since business is picking back up, and he's already scheduling for next year, I do have an idea that I would like to see us pursue in the interests of time together.
A date night.
When you have kids and life gets demanding, the only time you're going to get is the time you make. I would like us to have a regularly scheduled date night at least once a month. Unfortunately, that is rather dependent on my mother who is notoriously allergic to our youngest son.

Time is about the importance we place on it.
When Alpha is working, he sees time as taking care of us by making money. After a certain amount of time I see it as none of his time is mine.

So after 14 years together, I'm still not sure how we get time together. I guess we just get to the point where we realize we need it badly, and we make it happen however we can. Though I think it would be nice to be able to do so before I reach the point of desperation lol (which is why I like the idea of date nights).
Because, while families have lots of needs, relationships need nourishment. And both of those things are very much about time.


  1. "Relationships need nourishment" very sage advice.

    Hope, at some point, you get your date night.

    1. sunnygirl,
      I hope so too! Thank you.

  2. I highly recommend date nights. We try to take one at least once or twice a month. Even if we don't plan on going anywhere, we'll send our daughter to her grandmother's house for a few hours so we can spend some uninterrupted time together.

    If your mom isn't really an option for a babysitter, have you consider swapping babysitting with a friend? Until one of my friends moved away, we did that a lot. One weekend I would watch her daughter so they had time alone. The next weekend she watched our daughter so we could have our time.

    1. Dana,
      my mom is an option...Just not an often one.
      I would love to trade babysitting...There's just the minor drawback of lacking friends lol.

  3. Date nights are important. One huge risk of all that working is that when at last, date night arrivés, you are too tired to do something with it.

    1. Bas,
      I'd settle for him being semi-conscious...But yes, that is an issue we have encountered.
      Of course, more often than not, Murphy's law kicks in and I get a migraine or something. But I still think date nights are well worth trying for!

  4. I know what you mean about time together. It was very difficult to do while the children were growing up and we were homeschooling. After beginning this new life recently I have to give alot of credit to couples who are beginning while they still have younger children around. I honestly don't know how we got through the way we were, and I really don't know if we would have been able to live the way we are living now. It is a balancing act, isn't it?
    I hope you work in some alone time very soon.

    1. Jaquie,
      It really can be a challenge with young children. We had been exploring our change in dynamic for about a year when I got pregnant with our second...

      It is quite the balancing act. And I do have rather poor balance lol.

      Thank you. And thanks for stopping by.


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