Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I don't wanna...

I am one of those women who is supposed to get a pap smear every year. No ifs ands or buts about it.
It's been, ahem, four years.
But c'mon, can you really blame me? It's basically paying some stranger to:

Shove cold metal objects up your twat and offer unfelt apologies.

Teach them about infection control and prevention with extra credit for having anything to contribute to the conversation regarding painful sex.

Give you bad news with a complimentary side of ignorance.

Seriously though, there is a reason I am supposed to do this every year. And it scares the shit out of me. So I use avoidance in hand with denial. Works beautifully until some test comes back abnormal lol.
And I really really wanted to cancel my appointment tomorrow.

But Alpha threatened to tie me to a chair. And sprinkle sand on my clean floor. While simultaneously rearranging objects and leaving them out of place.

So I'll go. But I weally, weally, weally don't want to.


  1. Right there with you. And thank you, you've given me the kick in the ass I need to go back. Just like you, the scariness of having had bad news before makes it worse, and more tempting to put off. But also more important that we go. Both of us!


  2. I don't like these either even though it's only every 3yrs for me! I ignore things I don't want to face and like you, I've delayed it before, but end up going coz I know I must.

    Dee x

  3. Hey at least I scheduled my dental exam right? If it's not one end it is the other.

    Here's a thought...most doctors are male and they get pleasure out of probing our bodies. Wonder what percentage of doctors are dominates?

  4. I just keep reminding myself that fear (or laziness) would be a danged stupid reason to die...

  5. I like what Jz said.

    I'm even having trouble though just going to the eye doctor to get new glasses, much less anything that involves nudity. The funny part is it's not such a big deal to me once I get there, but the whole making of the appointment and waiting and going and coming back.. all of that hassle just irks me.

  6. My girl goes through the same thing with her mammogram's. I had to push her to get it done this year, and I told her. "you are my property and I expect my property to be kept in the best shape it can be."

    I have to agree with what Jz said Myself!

  7. Every five years one has to have this done, and there isn't even a cervix any more :(

  8. I got used to it since I just had a baby. You end up on a table with your legs in the air quite a lot over those nine months. :)

    It helps if the office puts a picture of a cute boy up on the ceiling. My favorite was Alexander Skosgaard. It's not like I'm really going to gaze up at them longingly, but it makes me chuckle a bit that the office staff at least has a sense of humor.

  9. Ugh... can understand you there. Haven't ever been to a gynecologist, altough I should have...
    I know a thing or two about cervical cancer because of my mum. And altough I rationally agree with Jz as well, it doesn't seem to help to get me book an appointment after getting a referral for it, done that a few times, and then chickened out*sighs*
    Guess I'll be needing a really hard kick in the arse to get it done.

  10. Alpha is a very smart man.

    Your life is more important than a bit of uncomfortable probing.

    I have always used a Female Gyno. It makes the entire process much less stressful.


  11. Wow. i think i may be in trouble here....i haven't had a pap in 8 years, and never had a mammogram. i really should, as my mom has no boobs now, but....it scares me, and i'm not going unless Master makes me. So there.

    my petulant beats your petulant!

  12. Ummmm....I'm with Alpha on this. Get your butt there. Otherwise, there may be no need for Alpha as there may be no you!

    Please go. It's important.


  13. No if. No buts.
    just go....smile when that duck billed platypus goes in...it stops you clenching....trust me:)

  14. A pap smear saved my life, not once, but 3 times. I'll beat all of you ladies who don't go. Srsly... Suck it up. Go...

  15. I have to say...I'm a bit touched by how many of you took the time to stop by and yell at me, offer encouragement and support, and generally be supportive and kick me in the ass. So, thank you.

    J, I went. Your turn!

    Dee, denial works great until something unpleasant happens lol.

    Mindset, I have only seen one male gynecologist in my life. And that was because he was the only pain specialist in our area. I though the poor man was gonna die because I made Alpha come in with me lol.

    Jz, oh I would hate to die of laziness. It would be a far more emarrassing way to go than tripping and breaking my neck. A combination of laziness and fear? Geez, take my name out of the family tree now--I don't want my grandkids hearing that story! lol.

    Southern Sir, sometimes it takes that kick in the ass to get us to do important things we hate.

    Master's piece, that hardly seems fair! They never let you go do they?!

    Sexperts, lmao. I have to say that now I think I have been shorted--No gynecologist I have ever seen had any pictures on the ceiling. Of any kind!

    Throws a kick at poderous pet--your turn.

    Faithful, Yes He is. And the only thing worse than smart children is a smart husband who gets the final say lol. But you are right.

    pepper, does your master read your blog? Because if so, I would be happy to stop by and leave a comment about your winning petulance and how you don't have to go because of it. As a service of course. For free even! And then when you do have to go, I'll come back and be nice and supportive even if you yell at me. Promise.

    Kelly, thank you for the support. I did. And you are right--it is important.

    hidden slave, I'll remember that tip! and thanks for the gentle shove.

    Vixen, fair enough. I did. And I didn't even yell at them. Do I get extra points for self control?


Play nice.