I was browsing around and found this post, over at A Bedroom Dom. He feels that submissive is defined by the need to submit, someone who has it in their bones and cannot deny it. Whereas submission is simply the act of submitting. It's not a need or a deep seated state of being. It is done only for the other partner and does not stem from any internal need (I have taken creative liberties lol).
It seems that different people place different values on each side of the coin. For some Dominants submission is more valuable because it's something their partner neither needs or particularly wants. They appreciate that the effort is made on their behalf and the arrangement works well for them. I see this view highlighted most often in dd blogs.
On D/s blogs, this kind of submission seems to lead to a fair amount of frustration. It shows in statements like "she let me" which are met with some curiosity and confusion by people like myself.
I find it interesting to look at submission/submissive from this perspective. Because sometimes I feel like my submission is selfish--I need it. It doesn't just serve Alpha, it serves me. It feeds some deep seated need in my being. That's one of the reasons I don't feel like my submission is a gift (Alpha disagrees with me here. Our views may be contradictory, but it works for us). I don't feel that it really matter much if I see it as a gift or not--He does. And maybe that's one of the things that makes our relationship what it is. I certainly do love Him just a bit extra for it. I guess that, in a way, it soothes my insecurities.
I have thought a lot about the difference between being Dominated because it's what a sub needs vs being Dominated because it's what a Dom wants [Edit] or who He is. Because much like submissive, Dominant is about who/what you are. Thanks to Sir J for the comment that gave me this missing piece.
It seems like there is a huge difference between the feeling you get when being Dominated to please yourself and being Dominated because it pleases Him to do so. Like pain inflicted Because He likes it, not because I want it--there's like this circular feeding thing that happens. If it gets Him off that feeds my pleasure which in turn increases His.
I think that in the beginning of ttwd, Alpha Dominated me because it had become apparent that I wanted it (through His discovery of my wayward and secret internet explorations detailed somewhere around here). And it didn't feel quite right. Not that it wasn't good, it was just lacking whatverthehellitis that makes me need what He wants--specifically Him Dominating me for Himself. Not because I wanted it. I'm not sure why or how that changes things, but it does.
In retrospect, I think that Alpha repressed His Dominance for a very long time.
I was wounded and damaged (now I'm just damaged lol) so he held back those tendencies in Himself that He felt I couldn't cope with.
He used to inflict pain on me because I liked it. Now He does it because it gets Him off. And while perhaps I like pain less now, I get more enjoyment from the experience itself. In a very big way, His pleasure is mine. And that's not something I ever thought I would find myself saying.
Okay, back on mental track here--it definitely feels deeper and more intense to be Dominated for His pleasure not my own. But I also think that those who Dominate out of love not need/want are showing a lot of love for their partners. Even if it does go against an intrinsic submissive need--to please and be used for the pleasure of another and not their own.
I believe it works both ways too--those who submit out of love not need or intrinsic desire are giving the biggest gift they can give.
The truth is, anyone can Dominate but not everyone is Dominant. And anyone can submit but not all are submissive.